Oh good grief.

Sorry to hear that, Jenn.

He never even met her IRL and he's sending money? Wow...

Hmm.... A guy I work with was telling me a similar story a couple of months back. Hes in his late 50's divorced and spends alot of time on social network sites. He started chatting to a 20-something model, after quiet sometime of 'getting closer' he was really upbeat about it and then she needed money to come and see him. He paid her directly for 'tickets' and sure enough she vanished off the planet

Obviously im only relating to similar facts of the two situations but it is worrying.....

My jaw is dropped.... How many times has he sent her money? What has he said when you tell him he cannot do this anymore? Has he agreed NOT to do this anymore?

"He is gaslighting. Big time. Tells me he doesn't deserve to live like a child and have his wife checking up on him. He had to absolute GALL to say he is struggling with a lot of mistrust of ME because I was the one who hacked into his email account and found all the emails between the 2 of them (they were bad...really, really bad) He says asinine things like "you don't trust me, so I act like someone who shouldn't be trusted" Give me a break. He hasn't done a single thing to warrant my trust, yet is totally of the "get over it, I'm tired of living like this" mentality."





This whole gaslighting this freaks me out!!!! I actually believed it was wrong of me to ask questions about my husband's actions and behavior because he was using those VERY SAME WORDS ON ME! Then my lovely mother told me what it was called and what he would basically say next. I was sooooo blinded by my love for him that I just couldn't believe he would ever do something like this. He has still not admitted to any wrongdoing.
According to him, his phone calls and texts all by its self and the public posting he made about "meeting somewhere", well according to him that was a statement about OUR family meeting up with HER family! BS. Nowhere in the online positing was there anything about family! So, if I at least had confidence that it was over with her, maybe I could move on to the next step to saving the marriage. I am trying to be everything he needs emotionally and physically because I love him no matter what. However, I am even MORE hurt by him admitting NOTHING!
Sux. I guess I didn't help you any, but more so needed to vent. I love this site and these boards..........I didn't know there were so many out there like me. God Bless you all.
Deedee

All right, I've done some pretty good research online. I found her dad's name mentioned in a lawsuit initiated in New Mexico (it was the official court document) and it specifically mentioned a daughter living in his home in New Mexico while attending college after he and his family had relocated. This daughter is the OW and the dates and timeline match. I also found her mom and brother in WI, which also matches up with her story. In further research, her name came up in a document issued from the governor of New Mexico's office regarding an internship she held there in high school. She is also on the Big Brother Big Sister website as being employed there (this is the job my WH assisted her in procuring) So although she definitely has massive holes in her story and I believe she has made up a ton of stuff to try and reel my husband back into her life, I do believe she is a real person that he had a very real relationship with. Apparently the boss she was sleeping with is now stalking her. Whatever.
He ended up giving her around $800 in cash in gifts over a 4 month period. So not a TON of money, but a lot to us. Our house doesn't have a deck on it because we can't afford it, and I went back from my maternity leave when our baby was 6 weeks because we are so broke, yet her bought her an air condtioner, wired her money, sent her multiple packages...
Last night we again revisited the no contact thing and I insisted that he allow me to access the phone bill again. He agreed to the phone bill.
I HATE this! I miss the way I used to feel about him. I'm tired of thinking about it all the time. I do still love him. I believe he loves me still. I finally exposed to all my friends at work this weekend and it felt good to have their support. I wish I would have done it earlier.