Praying tonight that she sees this as her way out and exits the house with as little drama as possible.

Good luck! I'll be praying that everything goes smoothly. Keep us updated.

So, how did the serving of the papers go?

It may not have happened yet. I think it was supposed to be this evening.

SS

How did the service go?

bump

Sorry

Court didn't get the papers back on Tuesday and with Wednesday being Veterans Day, nothing happened. Maybe get them today.

Grrr. Makes it hard to plan things out.

Sorry for the delay. Gotta love those California courts. I've had some experience with them in the past, and they can be slow as molasses. Hang in there.

ID- how is your 11-year-old doing?

11-year old is doing OK, despite what he knows. I read something somewhere that some kids won't outwardly express their fears and frustrations and I hope he's not one of those. I keep encouraging him to talk to me whenever he feels like it but so far he hasn't said much.

BTW, my lawyer has advised me to limit what I tell the children. He says the courts frown on telling the kids too much. They wants stability for the kids to be the highest priority.

I did have the chance to spend all day at Disneyland yesterday with WW and kids. Figured it might be the last chance to do so and I should take it, glad I did. Very good day and WW was fun to be around. She has been acting very, well, un-wayward lately. She's made dinner 3 times the past 4 nights. She hadn't made dinner once prior to that for 9 weeks. She was doing laundry this morning. Today she's out getting stuff for the house and for the kids.

But, I also know she's planning a get together with the OM on Friday night which will probably undo anything I may be seeing (if it means anything at all, which I don't think it does).

None of this changes my intention - the paperwork has been filed and the check has been cashed. Just an interesting observation.

That's why she's all happy, staying busy with household stuff, etc. If she was trying to do NC, she'd be tearful, bitchy, whiny, etc.

Good for you for not buying it.

That's true what the lawyer says but that usually applies AFTER there is an order on file. Temp orders will usually require that both parties not make disparaging remarks about the other parent. There is NO order now and you know what, your attorney is hired to facilitate divorce, not recover marriages.

I would take the advice of Dr. Harley, who has over 35 years experience in marriage building over the advice of your attorney, when it comes to this. After there are orders issued, THEN you can abide by them.

I agree with princessmeggy: Tell the kids now, before there is any sort of order forbidding you from doing so. Dr. Harley is in the business of saving M's. Your attorney is only in the business of trying to get you as much as possible in the event of a D.

As far as your son not asking questions, I wouldn't worry too much. My kids haven't really asked many questions either since they found out. I've let them know that I'm open to answering whatever questions they may have, and occasionally, they will ask something having to do with the OM and my A, but really, they've never wanted to talk about it too much. Just let your son know that you're there for him and that you love him and that he can always come to you about anything.

My H and I also did things like go to Disneyland and other places as a family while I was involved in my A. Don't underestimate the power of spending quality time together. I was sure, at this point, that we were headed toward D and that I was going to marry the OM, but every time my H and I went somewhere together with the kids or alone (we were still going out on date nights during my A, believe it or not) it would start to work a little wedge of doubt into my mind about what I really wanted. I would get some small glimpses of what things were like before and I would start to miss that. It did resurrect old feelings for my H. Really, I think what ultimately brought me back, was all the little things my H did to show me that he still cared, even when I didn't want him to.

Maybe your WW was only happy because she knew she'd be seeing OM in a few days, and it's obvious she isn't attempting NC at this time. However, creating an environment at home that recalls fond memories of love and closeness and better times can't hurt. Your WW loved you at one time, and those feelings may still be in there somewhere.

InD, do you have your lines all worked out for when she asks you why you filed? I mean, It's plain to almost everyone, but I bet she asks.

SS

InD,

Remember cooperation is the goal. Get her to leave the house willingly and you will be much better off later. You have sometime to work up a story that a deluded WW will buy about why you filed. I must admit the playing all nice while planning to see OM tomorrow makes me feel ill.

6yearsleft: It might have made my H ill too, but he did it, even when he knew I was talking to OM on the phone and on the computer everyday, and it worked.

Writer,

We will never know if you could have gotten to recovery with less pain for your BH. Sometimes you seem proud of the pain you put him through, but I think that can't be true.

6yearsleft: Wow. I have no idea where you might have gotten the impression that I would be proud of causing my H pain. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I could take back any of the pain that I caused my H, I would do so in a heartbeat, but I cannot.

I was simply trying to let InD know that his actions may carry more weight with his WW than he knows. I don't know for sure, of course. I was only sharing what my H did and what worked in our situation.

There seems to be a distinct bias from some of the BS's on this site that did not recover their marriages against FWS's that did. I'm very sorry for your pain and for what your FWW put you through, but I am not her and I have never done anything to you. Please try to keep that in mind.

Writer,

I think if you had had a chance to read the bulk of my posts you would see that I do, in fact, regularly support FWW's in their efforts, Looking4 and Ivetz to name 2 of them. I also have a habit of telling what I think, usually with a qualifier since I don't really know what you think.

Perhaps you are proud that he went through so much pain (and directly horrible behavior from you) to keep you around? I've seen that a couple of times, in your posts I think, that you didn't seem to understand his feelings until he suffered so much to keep you.

I would also take a moment to remind you that Recovery does not equal Success. Making the right choices is success, it took me 10 years to make the right choice.

6yearsleft: I'm not sure if you've read my entire story, but the reason I wasn't sure of my H's feelings for me prior to my A was because he was involved in a 10-year EA with an ex-girlfriend that began 1 week after our wedding. I had to share my H's love for 10 years, and I was often left feeling as though I was #2 in his heart. I don't want to hijack InD's thread, so I won't go into too much detail here, but my H still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend when we got married. When we married, she was (still is, in fact) in an abusive marriage. My H played the part of her savior for many years, leaving our family on numerous occasions to rescue his ex whenever she and her H would have an altercation. He broke off the EA and started it again numerous times before finally cutting her loose. That's why I didn't understand my H's feelings for me, because I don't think he himself understood them for a very long time.

About telling the kids.

If you tell them what's going on, you are not doing disparaging remarks about WW.
You are just telling them the truth about what is going on. They do know something is going on.

Since you already talked to DS11, you should consider at least talk to DD8.
DS11 is in a very strange position, will he lie to his sister if she asks him what is going on? How upset will DD8 will be that you tallked to DS and not to her?
They've probably seen inapropriate behaviour from WW with OM in the past.