Mulan,

Swap the genders and you have perfectly described how I legitimately feel about my xWW's transformation and its effect on her (former) friends, family, marriage, husband, and its wasteful self-destruction as well.

It is almost indescribable and unfathomable.

Thanks again, Tabby, for this great thread idea.

Yeah thanks Tabby, this gives me an outlet to vent...

Not that I couldn't on other threads, but this thread seems easier for me...

Cat

wow....I just cannot imagine being that selfish....and wayward.

Yeah ExH has missed alot of her life. Has had no contact with DD whatsoever...

And in return, DD has disowned him as well. Sad all around...

Hopefully he'll realize what he did someday.

Cat

Well, I hope she is as OK as she can be....

I guess you all are like me....you KNOW there is a decent human being inside them somewhere.....they have the capacity to be a person with integrity, etc. That is where my hope comes from. But, sadly, they may continue down the "wide" path and never enter the narrow gate.

This was in my devotion today:

There is nothing that enters
a man from outside which can defile him;
but the things which come out of him,
those are the things that defile a man.
( Mark 7:15 *NKJV )

Those Divorce Care Daily Emails are helpful.

Cat, You really think he is gonna be happy in his new marriage...first of all he left you and your DD, what would stop him from doin it again...If I was his new wife, I would not be too keen on the fact that he does not have a relationship with the daughter he already has...

My D16 has not spoken to XH. Her choice. She wants the man he was not for what he settled for. She was her father's daughter and he taught her well. She is ethical, has morals and is confident. Everything he is not now. Last time she saw him was May-- her confirmation. He was not in one picture.

He is missing a great life with us for a bottle and a piece of plastic trash.

To me it just proves how far off the deep end these waywards go...its not just BS that they dump...then they just get married to do it all over again, ughhh its just mind boggling...

Yeah, they're running from themselves only they haven't figured out that wherever they go, there they are....

I think if ExH wasn't happy he would have never gotten M'd to her and had a baby! He was ADAMANT with me that we were not to have anymore kids. So why does he have one with her?

Maybe she gave him an ultimatim. I heard he needs her paycheck to keep up his lifestyle, so maybe he did it to keep her happy, but I also heard now, that she's not going back to work after having the baby. So who knows what the reason was? But I didn't think ExH was that much of a pushover that OW has that much control over him.

OW does not like DD. They are only 11 years apart! I think she saw ExH's and DD's relationship as a threat to her in some way. I truly think she's happy they have no relationship. And I think that is probably why she wanted "their" own child. So he could pay attention to that one and not the kids he already has.

As far as him ever leaving her, I really doubt he will. He has way too much pride to show anyone that he screwed up again!

Hopefully since she left her H for mine, she'll be the one to cheat again and leave him. As I said they are 17 yrs. apart, so ExH will be getting old. But as I have also said in previous posts, she wanted my H because he has $$, so I doubt she will leave him anytime soon.

Cat

Cat, I really dont forsee this marriage lasting in the future, really....It doesnt sound like a situation he wanted and she is not a good person if she doesnt want him to have a relationship w DD...She will get bored with your Ex and move on....I am sure of it...I do give them a couple of more years because of baby, but thats it. Its doomed, Cat, trust me...

I'm sure there is an underlying sickness to the whole relationship....when it's not based on truth, the undercurrent is sick. It's not all peaches 'n cream. I bet there's plenty of discontentment there.

They think it was us who made them unhappy and we were good peeps...now their startin over with people who are not good and they think that that is gonna make them happy....Im sorry but if they were not happy with us, their not gonna be happy with cheaters who manipulate, lie and are obviously selfish....

Its just a matter of time before they figure out that it wasnt us it was them....now whether they ever admit that or not is another question...

I try to be a good person and not wish anyone ill will. But I have to say that is all I want is for his M to fail. I will of course feel bad that another child (theirs) is a victim to D, but I just want him to get his. I want him to feel the pain I've been going through all of these years now.

But again there's the pride thing. Sometimes I think he just got M'd and had a baby with her to prove to everyone...see we really are soulmates, it just wasn't an A after all.

His pride will keep him there, of course if she leaves first, then that's another story.

In a twisted way, I feel great pride getting his alimony check every month. I know that she must be pissed that all of that money could be going to her and her wants. She likes really nice things and VERY expensive things, so I'm sure this check he cuts me every month would come in handy for her...

Cat

Yes, his pride will end up bein the only thing keepin him there, but I highly doubt he will be happy....And I am positive that alimony check kills her, ahhhhh, isnt it great...

I'm really surprised she even stayed with him. She knew he'd be paying me alimony and how much, as they were living together through our whole D.

ExH cries poverty every chance he gets. But it doesn't stop him from going on vacations or getting new cars. Matter of fact I have to haul him back to court for not paying me for some stuff.

Yeah that is one thing that makes me happy these days, is knowing she probably hates seeing that withdrawal from his account every month, knowing that $$ could be buying her more designer stuff.

Cat

This hit home for me.

SOMETHING from xWW would have been helpful for closure. SOMETHING honest and sincere. Something like a genuine acknowledgement of the pain caused (rather than all the scapegoating & demonizing of me than continues to this day), a REAL apology, some believeable contrition, and an admission of her responsibility.

All I ever received is:
"I'm sorry you are hurt"
"I'm sorry for so many things"
"I'm sure I will love you for years to come"
"I do hope that you find happiness like I have found"
"I ask for your forgiveness" (never saying of course FOR WHAT)
"I think of you and your family and pray for peace in your lives"

...all just designed to assuage her own guilt w/o ever having to look in the mirror and own her lies, manipulations, abuse, and betrayals.