I know this may take a minute to tell story but I'll keep it as short as I can. Me and my wife met 10 years ago. We dated for over a year and broke up. She and I both took it hard and she got in touch with me again a couple months later. We were then married within the year. We have been married now going on 8 years. have a 12 y/o from her and a 3 y/o together. Both I love as sons. A year into the marriage I became addicted and closed her out and was unaavailable for her emotionally, not all the time, for 4 years. When we had our youngest child, I changed. I have now been claen for almost 2 1/2 years, and have been there and available for her. But the past 2 years she has become more distant. We started counseling, but the counselor seemed to lead us on fixing things not important to our trust, intimacy, and relationship. Backview, she sufers from depression and has cut time to time since high school. She had a distant relationship wiht her dad. He wouldnt say he loved her and was very non affectionate, only bringing up discipline and problems when they talked. She had a child out of wedlock and a bad marriage before we met. During the time before my addiction we started Church but my addiction stopped that. We were PTA parents, and the perfect look as a couple. I know all the things I did during those 4 years were wrong and I have attempted to repent all of it. I was distant, lied, unavailable for her emotionally, wouldnt go to bed with her, sex was almost nonexistant, I wasnt comforting and at times was very condescending and judgemental. All this from my lack of self worth and addiction. She told me several times during this phase that I was loosing her and I didnt listen. She wanted counseling but we never went. All seemed to calm before our last child was born. After his birth we moved into a new home, our first, and supposedly started over. This was 2 1/2 years ago. A few months into the new home she became addicted to Xbox live, and had an online affair. After this we reconsiled began counseling and all seemed right for about a year. Then a year ago, she came to me and said she still loved me, but wasn't in love with me and had lost the wifey feelings. We began counseling again, and this time the counselor seemed to focus more on our movement to divorce and having my wife drop xboxlive, which had again became an addiction. She had me stop hugging and kissing wife and basically worked on non core problems. Well move forward as things started to deteriorate. Three months ago she again said she asnt in love with me, we stopped having sex, as she said it made her feel wrong for having it and not being in love, she said she didnt know what to do and didnt feel she could ever love me again for the past, even though she claims to have forgiven me, she says she could never see us right again. She has since then shut me out totally emotionally. She says when we talk it makes her feel bad about herself for whats going on, and refuses to discuss anyhting about marriage. She no longer does any housework, cooking hardly, only rarely takes care of the kids in a mom like way, and gives me no time. She has moved from xbox live to chatting with male friends on the internet, from whom Im sure shes getting leave him advice. Her best friend is recently divorced and is a not so moralistic person from who Im also sure shes getting bad advice. A month ago we were back in counseling and she said she wanted to seperate, I agred. But when she got home and we spoke to our oldest, she said she wanted to try again. Take into account that now for 2 1/2 years I have been available, and a good husband in the way she always asked me to be. So 3 good, I thought, weeks went by and she became more and more drawn to being online chatting. This I saw on her facebook she had taken an online quiz for what do you need in a relationship. Her answer was passion and comfort, two things I have been desperately trying to give her for 2 1/2 years and she has refused much of the time, by saying she doesnt feel it. Well a male friend of hers online, who only has her on his friends list posted to it. "Didnt we just talk about this the other day?. You know what my results were, and remember Im here for you" I confronted her with it and she said she didnt know who it was at first, then admitted she lied to me and actually discusses her personal issues with alot of people on there. mostly men. She said he said it was meant for the comfort part. She is emotionally fragile and when gets upset she has cut in the past. Later that night she went into the bathroom but took computer. I saw her online on yahoo, and asked her what she was doing. She said she was contacting a friend who old her to contact him if she felt like cutting. I was afraid she was doing it so went in the bathroom and she said, since you had to do that hers wedding rings. She hasnt worn them since sunday andwhen I asked about it she says. I dont want to talk about it. I love this woman with all my heart and would spend the rest of my life making up for my mistakes, but she want let me in. She has said the reason she duidnt seperate and go to her grandmas is because she didnt want to seem to have abandoned the kids. I have started back church and attempting to move further along in being a good man and husband. But she cant see it. She has asked for a divorce, but when we try to talk about it or seperating she shuts down. Help I dont know where to go from here......Feel free to ask anything that would help you help me. Ill be very open to help. God bless and your help will be so appreciated.
