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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 186
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 186 |
Any suggestions anyone? WH came by today. I had failed to lock my car and he used my garage opener to get in. He said he came by to get mail. Was happy at first, but quickly turned to anger when I wasn't acting pleased to see him. Especially when he realized he would have to talk to girls directly to find out when he can see them. Do I send another email to him asking him to re-read plan B letter? Do I restated why I am feeling like I have to do this? What do I say?
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708 |
I will tell you that it isn't uncommon for WH's to do this.
He is on script. Take solace in that.
Try to lock your car in the future and when he breaks your plan B guidelines, try to stay composed and tell him he needs to respect your wishes outlined in the letter.
When my WH broke plan B guidelines, I would do a mini plan A and be kind but firm in asking him to respect the boundaries I made and not cross them. (or in my case, I told him I would be forced to move further away and take the kids to make it easier for him to respect them....I said it kindly).
HTH
Do not email him or ask him to re-read.
Keep your car doors locked or take the garage opener in with you from now on.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Any suggestions anyone? WH came by today. I had failed to lock my car and he used my garage opener to get in. He said he came by to get mail. Was happy at first, but quickly turned to anger when I wasn't acting pleased to see him. Especially when he realized he would have to talk to girls directly to find out when he can see them. Do I send another email to him asking him to re-read plan B letter? Do I restated why I am feeling like I have to do this? What do I say? claygirl, what you don't GET is that it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to enforce no contact. Not his. It is your job to stop him from getting through. The next time he breaks in, escort him immediately to the door. Hopefully there won't be a next time.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
And if he does it a third time, call the police. Tell IM to TELL him that you will call the police.
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 186
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 186 |
I hope it doesn't come to a third time Cat. I guess my biggest mistake wasn't being more plan A to him. I was shocked that he showed up, and I didn't hide it very well. I wasn't mean, just not good at showing my displeasure.
I will be more careful about making sure he has no way to get in the house, whether I am here or not.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
claygal, you are not in Plan A. He should have been politely shown to the door and thats that. You did the right thing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
You are NOT in Plan A! You can't do both. Right now, he is the enemy, he is WH, not FWH. Until you get FWH back, you want nothing to do with him - not even a 'hello.'
You have a RIGHT to be mad at him!
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 186
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Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 186 |
Thanks. Needed to hear that. Him showing up just set me back and has me all upset again.
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