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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions just found out

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just found out #2271684 11/09/09 06:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10 B buroo Junior Member
buroo Junior Member B Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	I just discoverd my w affair this Saturday.This started with internet chat site and developed into them meeting.We have been through this 18years ago and i did not get any help with it then. We get along fine and we actually emigrated and life has been good.So now i'm back to the start again,but after reading almost eveything on this site i feel very optamistic and think i could have prevented the first affair from happening if i had this knowlege.

Re: just found out buroo #2271695 11/09/09 06:28 PM
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 29 P Perry774 Member
Perry774 Member P Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 29	Plan A?

Re: just found out buroo #2271696 11/09/09 06:29 PM
Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 19 S sucker_punched Junior Member
sucker_punched Junior Member S Joined: Oct 2009 Posts: 19	sorry you are here buroo...but this is a great place to get support. Glad you already read on this site. I'm sure the veterans will come by soon to help you more than me. Could you expand on the details of your wayward wifes (WW) affair (A)? How long was it? Was it also a physical affair (PA)...as in kissing/sex or was it emotional affair (EA) only. And I don't mean only to minimize the devestation...I was just asking if it was both EA/PA. Hang in there Last edited by sucker_punched; 11/09/09 06:29 PM. BH (me), 41 WW, 40 EA/PA married 14 yrs, together 19 D-day 6/10/09 My bunch: D12, S10, D7, D5 former user name: Just Crushed

Re: just found out sucker_punched #2271717 11/09/09 07:07 PM
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10 B buroo Junior Member
buroo Junior Member B Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	started 3yrs ago on a sexy chat site ,i was told it filled a void in her life (it was roll playing)wich i reluctantly allowed to go on,so i guess a close friendship developed and some months ago they met and it went PA.I was told it happend once,but they have been texting up till saturday,the day i looked through her phone and pieced it all together.

Re: just found out Perry774 #2271718 11/09/09 07:08 PM
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10 B buroo Junior Member
buroo Junior Member B Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	yes

Re: just found out buroo #2271856 11/10/09 08:24 AM
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 5,860 T TheRoad Member
TheRoad Member T Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 5,860	You need to find out if OM is married and tell OMW. Then you need to expose the affair to WW parents and WW siblings. Also you need to put a keylogger on your computer without telling WW so you can verify NC with the OM.

Re: just found out TheRoad #2271857 11/10/09 08:34 AM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,775 Z Zelmo Member
Zelmo Member Z Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,775	Your wife is the main problem. She lacks boundaries and a conscience, apparently. Don't assume you could have prevented the first affair. Folks that do this have issues that they need to fix. Your wife is a repeat offender, known as a serial cheater. She has a greater dose of brokeness than the typical one timer. We all have "voids" in our lives. Not everyone cheats to attempt to fill them.

Re: just found out TheRoad #2271926 11/10/09 12:01 PM
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10 B buroo Junior Member
buroo Junior Member B Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	i really dont see the point in that,i feel we have a lot to handle,so why add more.i used a keylogger in the past and i agree it is a good tool but dr harley has a better soulution that i would like to see work. thanks for your comment

Re: just found out buroo #2271930 11/10/09 12:13 PM
Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,775 Z Zelmo Member
Zelmo Member Z Joined: Nov 2008 Posts: 1,775	Originally Posted by buroo i really dont see the point in that,i feel we have a lot to handle,so why add more.i used a keylogger in the past and i agree it is a good tool but dr harley has a better soulution that i would like to see work. thanks for your comment You are probably going to get a lot of rsponses to the inquiry as to waht is the point of exposure and snooping. from my perspective , I offer this: Your wife is a serial cheater. You know of two affairs. Odds are there are more. Think she was on a 17 year hiatus when she never addressed her brokeness way back when. I bet you know the tip of the iceberg re the # of affairs she has had. So, with that in mind, you need to gather info on her and her methods. You need others' eyes on her and , you may be surprised at the info others have and have held back throughout the years. Also, your WW has exposed the OM's spouse to sexual diseases. She also damaged the OM's family. These people have the right to know what has been done to them, dont you think? Harely does recommend snooping and exposing.

Re: just found out Zelmo #2271936 11/10/09 12:20 PM
Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10 B buroo Junior Member
buroo Junior Member B Joined: Nov 2009 Posts: 10	Well your right about my wifes and issues,she has huge issues and she knows she does and over the years she has attempted to get help with them.Ther has been a lot of big issues in the past few years that we had to deal with ,mainly the passing of 6 people in such a short time and one of the passings was my wifes mother( lots of abuse attatched to that one)and i wasnt ther to help.This is just a small part of the story.I guess i could write a book to explain it.Councelling starts soon ,i think this was needed a long time ago. thanks for your comments Zelmo

Re: just found out buroo #2272046 11/10/09 02:43 PM
Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 5,860 T TheRoad Member
TheRoad Member T Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 5,860	You don't see why.... WW is a serial cheater. You need to find out the truth. You need to verify NC. You need to monitor WW in the future. She has done nothing to establish trust. And, should never be given 100% blind trust again.

Re: just found out buroo #2272343 11/11/09 04:41 AM
Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 375 M Mr_Recon6mo Member
Mr_Recon6mo Member M Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 375	About what's the point to expose when you have so much to handle anyway... The point is - your WW had/has affairs and there is no consequences. So why not having another? I think no WS will stop being WS until they really got to feel "this is bad to Me". Me (FWH) 44 Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42 Married 22 years 2 Children 20 and 22 years Last D-Day for me: May 2009 Last D-Day for her: October 2008

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