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#2264500 10/23/09 11:35 PM
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I was wondering why I could not get on for a couple of days. Maybe it was a good thing. I was so mad, I was ready to pack up the kids and find an apartment.

Been talking to lawyers, getting advise on my situation, cannot make any decisions until I am able to come up w/retainer $$. It is amazing how people just to kick him to the curb, but they don't realize that if you are not prepared when you do so, you could end up hurting yourself or the kids.

WH or H, unknown which - was recently hosp. d/t chest pain, don't think it was an MI, test came back normal. Middle son getting introuble w/the law, curfew etc. Hoepfully he is getting it, since he is grounded until further notice. I let him know that until he understands and makes changes, his grounding will be in place.

Friends keep telling me I should contact a counselor to help me, well, 1. I don't need it, I am handling it well, he is old enough to make stupid decision, he can pay the price that goes with it. 2. If I was to take time for something I do not need because others think I do, well,that would only cause me more stress,because I don't have time for it. Just one more thing on my plate. I have a strong emotional disposition, and very good coping skill. Why use something I don't need because others would need it in the same situation, or think I should. And I don't need to spend time with someone who is going to tell me what I already know. Waste of my time and the counselors. I taught him right from wrong, and when he was caught, I even asked him and he said, I did not think I would get caught, so he knew. I am not my MIL who thinks everything that goes wrong in the world had the hand of Satan. (I am not kidding). She blames her auto accident on Satan because he was trying to prevent her from going to church, why not accept that she is a lousy driver. When my teenage boys (fight, that is Satan at work. So, instead of taking responsiblity, she cops out and says it is Satans hand. "The Devil made me do it" And does the same for everything. WH affair, Satan, OC, is the result of Satan. She is not allowed to take the kids to church with her.


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1 girl
SwH #2264507 10/24/09 02:31 AM
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Hi SwH,

Many folk shift the blame, just like the WS's at this forum. Just so that you know, the answer is in scripture Jer17:9:

"The heart is deceitful
above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?"
(NIV version)

You may remember the version: "The heart of man is desperately wicked..." KJV

Your MIL will probably not understand the explanation - ask her what this scripture means to her -then let God work in her life.


But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
imagine #2264534 10/24/09 07:57 AM
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And that is why we can't "follow our hearts" but must lead our heart instead...

The advice to "follow your heart" or "do whatever your heart tells you to do" was how Adam and Eve wound up in trouble. The devil didn't make them choose to disobey God, they chose to disobey Him and do what the devil suggested to them, what they "felt" like doing.

We must do what is right and not allow ourselves to do what we feel like doing.

One thing so many who begin to blame everything on the devil forget is that at every juncture God gives us a way to follow Him and not our own selfishness. The devil really only has the power that we give him over our lives anyway and so any time he can manipulate us it is really by our own choice that he is able to to so.

Additionally, while the devil may be lurking about considering how he might destroy lives, what he is really most interested in is rendering us useless for God's work rather than killing us. A fallen live person is a more powerful instrument of the devil than a dead saint and martyr. So what the devil seeks to do is to damage our worth in the way we are able to interact with others rather than render us dead.

Mark


Mark1952 #2264567 10/24/09 11:23 AM
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I noticed you had posted in Sept, and I had the screen up to reply when the site crashed.

I know things are not well right now, but I hope you are OK. That sounds like a contradiction, but it's really not.

We continue to pray for you. And worry about you.
I hope you are praying too, and that you feel God's love when you talk to him. I also hope you get direction from him. He knows what you should do, and when you should do it, and he will help you know too.

We just about kicked DS #2 our one night, but the feeling came to us to leave him alone. The next morning, he came to us, and said he knew he wasn't doing well in keeping the house rules, and he promised to do better. God always knows what is best. Make sure you listen for help when you pray.

Keep us posted on how things go.

SS



I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
still seeking #2267803 10/31/09 05:58 PM
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We have our court date for child #2, we will find out what happens. Best case scenario - community service &/or fine, probation, all the way to home monitoring, or juvey hall. The sad thing is, he tells me not to worry, he there are kids at school the same thing happened and not much happened. Where did I fail? I taught him right from wrong. I have stressed the importance of grades, making right decisions, and they don't listen. Child #1 is just now coming around. I guess I should still have faith that child #2 will come around.

OC is 3 years old.


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1 girl
SwH #2268100 11/01/09 10:33 PM
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We'll pray for the best possible outcome for your son. I don't know what that is, but God does.

This is the first time I have heard you give for sure facts about OC. How do you know?

Prayers.

SS


I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
still seeking #2271808 11/09/09 11:13 PM
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I went to the Dr for an appt for myself, and asked for printouts on statements --- it is a large medical facility with multiple clinics. Well, I received a statement for myself, WH and OC. So, I asked about it, OW signed papers placing WH as other responsible party. So, I asked for a new set of Ins. cards, on WH insurance, and received cards for him, myself, kids and OC. I asked him, told him that before he denies, he needs to know, I know the truth. He confirmed, and told me her age.


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SwH #2271809 11/09/09 11:16 PM
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Son got 180 days probation, and has to do 30 hrs of community service. naughty I am not letting him on facebook and he is grounded for eternity cry- that is him crying. Ok, so I cannot enforce eternity grin, but would like to if I could. Anyway, I also let him know random drug testing at my demand, and anything else I can come up with along the way if he is not cooperative.


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SwH #2271818 11/10/09 12:03 AM
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Your son is lucky.

Make sure you find LOTS of opportunities to be with him, one on one, doing things together, like pulling weeds, taking dog for walk, doing a jigsaw puzzle, making scrapbook of his pictures, etc. - these types of activities are excellent for providing opportunity to just...talk. Teenagers need to talk to their parents even more than little kids. They just can't admit it. They're still learning their morals and beliefs by listening to you. So provide tons of chances to tell him what you think about life. Not lectures, just...your beliefs. They'll pick them up.

catperson #2272163 11/10/09 05:48 PM
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I hope son is smart enough to make it work now, and not wait until he gets caught again.

It is so hard to watch children make mistakes. I know we can't "fix" them, but we wish we could.

Catperson has some good suggestions.

I'll add one - Massive doses of encouragement. We have struggled with some of ours too.
No matter how well it seems that they are doing, they still need to know we believe in them, and support them.

It had to be hard to find out about OC, but I suspect the truth is better than not knowing.

Are you going ahead with your plans?
And, are you doing OK?

SS


I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
still seeking #2279871 11/29/09 05:34 PM
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Most days, I do want to go ahead with the plan for divorce, but when OS, tells me he wants us to be together (and he is improving). I wonder if MS is acting out because Dad is not around much (he is back working out of state). Not much can be done about that. There is very little work here, and he is about 3-6 months away from the union calling him back. Unemployment about to run out, so he really needs to take this. He is hoping the job will last long enough for 1 of 2 things to happen - there is work here or he worked enough for a new bank of unemployment and while he is working, we are going to concentrate on paying off as many bills as possible. Also, I was recently rear ended, my car is totaled. I just hope the ins. company settles for what my car is worth. I know they are going to try to get by as cheap as possible. I was a year away from having it paid off. I really liked that car - it ran good, fit the family - I it was a station wagon, and I don't like station wagons, but I liked that one and was going to 1. keep it until it no longer ran good, or give it to OS, and get myself another car. As far as I go, I could have been hurt worse. I have some aches and pains, but nothing that is keeping me from doing things easy simple things. If I attempt to do even little things like sweeping the floor, I feel it in my back. Last night I did not use the heating pad, and today, I felt it. But I know it could have been worse, so I am thankful for that. I am so worried that they will not give me what my car is worth, and I will not be able to replace the car. I was able to qualify for a loan at the same payment I made before. Looked for cheaper cars, but they were either too small, or not mechanically sound. One made a clunking sound when shifting from park to drive, and the sales person said it was normal????? I knew better than to believe that. Another one, the steering wheel shook when I drove it, and shook more with braking, and that sales man tried to tell me what a great car it is. Also, with 2 boys who are almost 6feet tall, it was too small. (I told him what I needed size wise, and he just did not listen). I hate car shopping


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SwH #2279881 11/29/09 06:25 PM
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Do you have a family member or friend - big strapping guy who works hard with his hands?

The sales person sized you up as 1. a woman, 2. a push over, 3. someone they can unload a piece of junk.

I would notify the owner that you just became their worst bit of advertising and don't go back to that place. But don't go shopping for a car without a guy anymore. Because it's likely that you'll get the same kind of treatment.

It's not fair. But until more women stand up to owners who treat women like this, it's not going to change.

Oh - and you'll pay less with a big guy with you. It's worth hiring an actor! wink


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
KaylaAndy #2279901 11/29/09 07:28 PM
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Kayla, you are so funny - well, I had only stopped at that place, because I was so down, after our credit union (who financed my last car) rejected my request. WH did talk me into going to one of the 2 dealerships we had worked with in the past. 1. The guy who sold my my last car (the one that is totaled)- he got me a good car, a good deal. I did not go there, because I was sure they would turn me down, d/t our credit is not very good. (and he knows us from hockey, I did not want him to see my credit score, decided to throw pride away and call him).
2. Go to the dealership that got WH the loan for his vehicle. Well, went to both, one got me loan for an almost new car, still has factory warranty. The other said that they believe they can get me a loan, I will need something down and the car will be about 2 years old. Both said the payment will be close to what I am currently paying now.

But, I hear you on that one. They talk to you like you are dumb, because you are a woman. I let the adjuster guy who looked at my car know, I have been doing my homework, talking to my mechanic, and dealerships to get an idea of the value of my car. I am also going to call an lawyer, so I have one, just in case they try to low ball the value, then I can tell them I have spoke with a lawyer, and will have him handle this if needed. The last thing they want is a lawyer, because it will cost them even more. Plus, I should have one, just in case, the injury does not heal, and this pain is permanent. (could happen, but probably not likely). Of course if you saw my car, you would think I was hurt worse than how I feel. The passenger side doors do not open or shut right, the trunk area - where there was /is a 3rd seat, it is now in a v-shape (at the hinge) in the opposite direction of how it should fold. Trunk cannot open, check engine light is on, passenger side has a few ripples in it. I am so glad non of the kids were with me. I had gone to pick up my sister at work, and just dropped her off at her home, and was on my way back home. Sometimes my daughter likes to come with. This time, I refused to let her. I am so glad I did not have her come with me.

I was so looking forward to having this car paid off.

Last edited by SwH; 11/29/09 07:29 PM.

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SwH #2279907 11/29/09 07:32 PM
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Oh, and as far as son goes, trying to keep him busy with people I trust, and doing things with him. Like yesterday, some kids wanted him to go skating, and OS, made the HS hockey team, they had a tournament, so I let MS go skating, and his friends mom said she will keep him until OS game was done. This is a very good kid, so is his mom. That way, he cannot be around the kids that he has been around in our neighborhood


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SwH #2370084 05/07/10 11:45 PM
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STill alive


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SwH #2393344 06/19/10 11:09 PM
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Hi SS,

You still around?
Talked to Ginger recently, she is so busy, but things will slow down soon for her. December she will finally be done w/school.

Talk later
Watching movie w/middle son, his gf and daughter


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1 girl
SwH #2393809 06/21/10 01:16 PM
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Hi !

I have not been coming around much these days. Didn't notice your May post. I thought I had this set up to email me when you posted, but it didn't work - or I didn't get it on this end or something.

Been a rough year for us. It looks like it has been a rough year for lots and lots of people.

By now you are probably fully recovered from your accident. At least I hope so. And you must have gotten another car.

I always wonder how the kids are doing. Our jobs take a lot of energy, but our kids take most of our care and concern. I hope they are doing mostly OK.

Have you made major changes yet?
Or still plugging away?

What's on your mind?

SS



I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.

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