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Joined: Jun 2004
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A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, �Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

�Your badge...Show him your BADGE!"


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

My Story

Recovered!
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rotflmao


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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That is so freaking funny, I have to send this out!!

Joined: Apr 2005
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That was hilarious!

Quote
You know you are in Texas when...

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to

do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story
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Loved that joke Kimmy

this is from my daughter .....

One day a farmer in was counting his money. He had done pretty well with the cotton crop that fall so he decided to go to Texas and celebrate.

He got off the bus in Fort Worth and asked "Where's a good place to eat?" A man said "Right down the road is a men's club."
The farmer didn't realise they had a swimming pool... a work-out room... indoor squash... and racquet ball.

He just walked to the restaurant door and said to the waitress "Lady, please bring me a steak and a coke." The waitress brought out a mug that was 12 inches in diameter and 1 1/2 feet tall. The farmer said "I just wanted a coke not the whole factory!" She said, "Mister... this is Texas and everything's bigger in Texas."

Soon she came back with his steak, and it hung over all sides of a huge sizzling platter. He said, "Lady I just wanted a steak not the whole cow!" She said, "Mister this is Texas... and everything's bigger in Texas."

He finally finished his meal and asked the waitress, "please lady which way to the restroom?" She said "It's down the hall... third door on the right."

The farmer absent-mindedly turned into the third door on the left instead and with one step... fell into the swimming pool.

"Help! Help!" he screamed ....


"Don't flush it!"


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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The only thing better than a Texas joke is a joke about Texas AND Australia!

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A Texan farmer goes to Australia

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?

The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?


A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.
~ English proverb



Neak's Story

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