*cue violins*

"No Sis, I'm not shutting you out, I'm kicking you out."

If shutting her out is holding back so that we don't have a Jerry Springer moment, then so be it.

Hi SL, i'm just dropping in to say hello! So much has been going on that I have been around for awhile! Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you!

on the topic of sisters, you know what you have to do..mine is in a little bit of trouble again and has to go to some classes 3 days a week...social services is involved a little bit and has even made arrangements for transportation and child care so she has not excuses to attend...

you know just as I do that their world's will come crashing down, it's just a matter of time...

On the other news, I think that's wonderful...I will be praying that everything runs smoothly...and quickly, I'm sure that you are ready for the changes to occur!

I am in the twilight zone for sure. Back to MAY!!! Hey, that would mean I hadn't moved yet, and would have super future vision and would know that this is not the time to move, that the bottom will drop out and I would be moving back to MD. Whew! I just saved myself about $3500!!!

Oh, wait...poop, it's actually October and I'm moving back to MD in another week. Poopity poop poop. Next time, I'll be sure to use my super future vision

You just never know until you try SL, Ya know? If you didnt do it you would always wonder if you should have...You did something very brave and I only wish I was that brave. I commend you for taking the risk, life is full of them.

Hey thanks, STill. Good to see you posting.

You are right, too. I would have asked and wondered and had that nagging feeling. I am grateful to have had the window to do this.
No matter how much you prepare, you cannot forsee all that will happen.
I am making a lateral move back, and that's okay with me. I'm not thrilled about it. THere is some heart ache involved, and that stinks. I have to take care of DS, though; he is no.1 priority now. The job opportunities are much more abundant in MD, and I have very supportive family.

Well good luck and I am thinkin and prayin for you and DS. And thank God for family huh...

SL,

I'm not surprised. I knew that you would come to that conclusion soon. Hey, there is a reason in all of this and you may not know what that reason is/was until years from now, so just do what you have to do in the present.

Do you have a job back there?

Anyway, good luck to you and if you come through Ohio stay all night at my house. I would love to help in any way that I can.

Hugs to you girlfriend.

No, me neither. As for a reason, I don't have to know, I suppose. Maybe there isn't one. Right now, it's just one foot in front of the other time again. I will recover, hopefully pretty quickly. I am moving in with my dad until I can find suitable digs of my own. My main concern is getting DS back into his old school, which his dad will take care of. HE is flying back home next Friday.

I spoke to my former boss and he's agreed to find a position for me back at the old job. HE said, "SL, you have friends here". It was a comforting thing for him to say. Considering that they had to lay two people off earlier this summer and cut pay by 20% to stay afloat, it's gracious of him to offer me something.

I just keep thinking how quickly things happened here, how it fell apart and then there was nothing. I STILL haven't gotten one return call from all of the resumes and phone calls and cover letters and yada yada yada. It's probably good that I didn't get so attached to everything. I FEEL, in my gut, that this is the right decision for DS, and mostly for me, too.

Well, now that would describe my marriage. UGH

You are very lucky to have a job to go back to. See, there are good things happening. It isn't ALL bad SL.

And you are right. It's "one foot in front of the other" time again. Oh, how I hate when that happens....

SL,

In the last week I have run rampant on MY WILL. I didn't realize, but what I knew is that my calm serenity wasn't there. G-d has a plan for us, we don't know it, we just keep moving where he leads us. Which by the way can be VERY HARD to decipher at times.

Sometimes, he lets us go where we think we we should be going because along the way we are learning things about ourselves that we wouldn't have it we stayed in place. Kinda silly and maybe wrong, but you gotta admit it sounds good.

The cool part, you are going to be closer to my Skins. However they SUCK....

SL, you are amazing. You truly are.

Queenie, I do see that I may have been 'stuck' where I was before I moved out here. When I go back, some things will be the same, but many will be different. It could end up being a giant step forward once the dust has settled. I don't know for sure. I'm trying to look on the bright side.

Or it could simply be that you were in line with G-d whereever he took you, and you are walking in faith and trust without even realizing it.

Or it could be, that you needed a LONG vacation and now it's time to go home and see life through those different glasses.

The decision to move out here was easy, and things just seemed to fall right into place. I only felt uneasy about moving DS. Now I feel uneasy moving him anywhere else but back to his 'home', but for him 'home' will have changed a bit, too.

whatever it all means or doesn't mean, I'm going with it. I've had plenty of time to think, and I believe this is the best solution beyond hanging on by my fingernails and praying for a job. I suppose I am doing what is EASIEST. I haven't done that before, and it kinda scares me, to be honest.

So tell me about AZ man.. when and how often will you get to see him.

Well, Queenie, that's part of the heartbreak. We have decided to stop seeing one another. It's too difficult to balance our own lives with our children and carry on a long distance relationship. Late night calls, flying out when we can afford it, which is not much, the pain from being apart, and I just don't believe we can have as fulfilling a relationship when separated.

OH WOW... I didn't see this until today.

{{{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}} how are you doing with this AND the move. I miss you

just got net access today since my last post. I have since driven back to MD with the dogs. AZman helped me with that, and flew home Sunday. I am living with dad for now in a house that he rented. Started work today, back at old job with a slightly new position. Feeling kinda raw right now. Trying to hold back the tears so that DS doesn't think I'm losing it. The pain comes in fits and waves, so it's manageable. Still able to smile, just feel kinda hollow...

Praying that we are never given more than we can handle. I miss AZ, AZman and son and the distance I had between me and the Z. It was really good for me. Being here, I just wanna smash his face sometimes. When DS comes back from being with him, I have to readjust crappy behavior among other things. It's a chore. It's as if they are playmates and not father and son. Any reports I get from sis tell me that is how it is.

The Z mentioned wanting more time with DS. Right now, I just don't see how that would be a good thing. Right now, I'm busy just putting one foot in front of the other and trying to understand how everything fell apart so fast.

Anyhoo, that's my update in the largest nutshell I could find. There is so much more, but it's no necessary to say it all...

SL,

Honey I'm so sorry that things did not work out in AZ,,,for a whole lotta reasons. I can't imagine how tough things are for you right now.

I will tell remind you, though, that it took one heck of a strong lady to make the move in the first place. You should be proud of yourself for having the guts to go for it. Heck, how many of us would LOVE to be that strong?! Me, for sure!

So, it didn't work out. As much as it hurts right now, it is okay. You don't know if you don't try. One thing I tell myself when I find things turning out differently than I'd hoped, is perhaps the pain I am going through is God's way of helping avoid something that might have turned out much, much worse!

I know, seems strange way to think about it, but it works for me.

Hang in there!

Miss Lucidity

I was just thinking about you this morning and wondering where things were at for you.

It's tough, it's darn tough. I feel for you.

You can find your footing again, though. You have awed me from the start.

Keep on keepin' on - you'll get to where you want to be.

Take care,
Fox