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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10
C
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Posts: 10
It was suggested I post this here, although I don't suspect an affair.
My husband admitted a few nights ago that he is not in love with me. He does not want to divorce or separate because he says he cares deeply for me. He has agreed to counseling as well.
I truly can't imagine how he would hide an affair from me. I suppose I should try and find out though, just in case.
He is with me almost all the time. He does not work with anybody other than 1 guy (he's not having an affair w/ him). I have access to texts and emails, phone records etc.
Thanks for ANY advice!

Joined: Apr 2001
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Why is he not in love with you? What happened? What is the state of your marriage?

Have you actually CHECKED to make sure he is not having an affair?

And did he say "I love you but am not in love with you?"


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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We have a good marriage, considering. We are very compatible and kind toward each other. We have one recurring issue with him not communicating with me when there are problems. That's what led to him telling me he wasn't in love with me any more. We had a fight and I told him I wanted to seperate for a few days so we could hopefully talk when we cooled off. This led to me asking him what he was unhappy about and I flat out asked him if he wasn't in love any more.
I haven't checked if he's having an affair, because I just don't know where I would look. I have all his accounts, I KNOW where he is, I meet him everyday for lunch, he doesn't hav coworkers or female friends.

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Cologirl, in that case, I would do some quiet snooping and RULE IT OUT.

Have you been badgering him? Is that why he is unhappy? It doesn't sound like you have a good marriage at all. Fighting and falling out of love are signs of serious trouble.

A book that I think you would find very helpful is Lovebusters and Fall in Love, Stay in Love.
They will teach you how to fall in love again. But first read Lovebusters so you can learn to stop doing what makes him so unhappy.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Posts: 10
C
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Where else would I snoop? I regularly have access to all accounts. He does not have access to computer or internet when he is not at home. I can check our phone records, but other than that...?

Joined: Jun 2002
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Cologirl,
I just found out on Friday my wife was having an affair, but honestly I knew about it I think the entire time it was going on. You know your spouse and can feel it. Anyhow in her case the only evidence was a second cell phone that she got through a friend, so no account or bill would come to our house


Me = BS, 41
Her = WW,40
Married seven years
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 375
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Colorgirl,

If you CAN check phone records then do it.

This might be helpful for additional methods:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1572288

If you hear "I love you but I'm not in love you" it's almost always caused by having affair because it means that he has a point of a comparison now.

A sad but instructive story:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2115846&page=1




Me (FWH) 44
Mrs_Recon6mo (FWW) 42
Married 22 years
2 Children 20 and 22 years
Last D-Day for me: May 2009
Last D-Day for her: October 2008

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