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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10 |
It was suggested I post this here, although I don't suspect an affair.
My husband admitted a few nights ago that he is not in love with me. He does not want to divorce or separate because he says he cares deeply for me. He has agreed to counseling as well.
I truly can't imagine how he would hide an affair from me. I suppose I should try and find out though, just in case.
He is with me almost all the time. He does not work with anybody other than 1 guy (he's not having an affair w/ him). I have access to texts and emails, phone records etc.
Thanks for ANY advice!
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Why is he not in love with you? What happened? What is the state of your marriage?
Have you actually CHECKED to make sure he is not having an affair?
And did he say "I love you but am not in love with you?"
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10 |
We have a good marriage, considering. We are very compatible and kind toward each other. We have one recurring issue with him not communicating with me when there are problems. That's what led to him telling me he wasn't in love with me any more. We had a fight and I told him I wanted to seperate for a few days so we could hopefully talk when we cooled off. This led to me asking him what he was unhappy about and I flat out asked him if he wasn't in love any more.
I haven't checked if he's having an affair, because I just don't know where I would look. I have all his accounts, I KNOW where he is, I meet him everyday for lunch, he doesn't hav coworkers or female friends.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Cologirl, in that case, I would do some quiet snooping and RULE IT OUT.
Have you been badgering him? Is that why he is unhappy? It doesn't sound like you have a good marriage at all. Fighting and falling out of love are signs of serious trouble.
A book that I think you would find very helpful is Lovebusters and Fall in Love, Stay in Love.
They will teach you how to fall in love again. But first read Lovebusters so you can learn to stop doing what makes him so unhappy.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 10 |
Where else would I snoop? I regularly have access to all accounts. He does not have access to computer or internet when he is not at home. I can check our phone records, but other than that...?
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 24 |
Cologirl,
I just found out on Friday my wife was having an affair, but honestly I knew about it I think the entire time it was going on. You know your spouse and can feel it. Anyhow in her case the only evidence was a second cell phone that she got through a friend, so no account or bill would come to our house
Me = BS, 41
Her = WW,40
Married seven years
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