Hi Everyone, a couple of days I wrote to the General Disucussion board on the Topic Call it quits or Fight...
After posting all the problems and historical life of my wife and me and getting all the recommendations I sat down and really thought about everything.
I want to save my marriage but the conditions are not optimal.
I realized where I have failed heavily making my wife fall out of love for me, something hard to recuperate as I know when a woman falls out of love its hard to get it back.
Basically everything turns around about me not being man enough, something I have to work very hard on correcting which I know would help me save my marriage and if not, then be a better man for the next relation, if any.
I�ll talk about how we got to this point.
My wife and me are from different countries, me from Puerto Rico, she from Costa Rica.
I was separated for 1 year from my 1st wife and divorced for 3 weeks when I met my current wife. I knew the mistakes on my first marriage and worked to correct them
We met in Mexico during a training that both were attending. Nothing happened between us, but I liked her.
After the trip we started corresponding by e-mail.
One and a half month later I had to visit her country for some business meeting. I took the opportunity to meet her (as friends) as well.
I spent 5 days In her country. I invited her to do some sightseeing and water-rafting during the weekend. And also went out during the weeknights. After three days she dropped it to me, you know what, I like you very much. The relation started right there.
I had to go back to work on my country, but planned to go back and see her during holy week, 1 month later.
During the time we were apart we talked through the phone and e-mail. She was deeply in love with me.
I took her and her 1yo at that time on a trip to an all-inclusive hotel for holy week. We had a very good time and her kid and I really connected.
After that, I had to go back to my country. In the meantime my company was opening a sales office on Costa Rica, which obligated me to go back and forth to her country.
I saw her and spent time with her every month and a half. She became pregnant of me during one of the trips.
I knew I was acting well and doing everything right.
We got married as we were both in love and for me to show her that I was going to be there for her and the kids, and not like her 1st son�s dad, which abandoned them when he found out she was pregnant.
After our child was born I started to spend more time with her on Costa Rica and I started to make the same mistakes as on my 1st marriage. Also the time I spend on Costa Rica I work from home making us be together 24/7. She got bored of that. Also as she was breast feeding we wouldn�t go out or nothing for 1 year.
I had to keep going back and forth due to business purposes.
But we do had plans for her and the kids to move back to my country.
Everything kept working pretty well, besides the little things that were happening.
Problems started since june this year. I had spoiled her too much in buying everything she wants, she started going out with her friends, making me get jealous, for no reason, making her see me weak.
Now I really know how things should have been and want to correct them. But there are many factors that complicate everything.
I want to become the man she wants, for my marriage and for myself.
Her family spends almost everyday on our house, so there is no privacy. Everytime we went out of the city, she would take along her dad and brother, or her mom and half brother, so no privacy there.
Financial crisis took a very hard hit on my business, adding more stress to my self.3
Basically i feel cornered with not to many options available here for me to do.
She wants to separate, the only thing now keeping us together are the kids. She doesn�t want them to be without their father.
Also I strongly suspect of am affair going on, seeing unusual things. The pointer are clearly there-
For example, yesterday she went to the waterpark to do aerobics and before she left I could snoop into what she was taking and saw her makeup, perfume, toothbrush. She left at 8:30am and came back at 7pm. She spend a lot of time on the intertent or sms on her phone. Sometimes she goes downtown to do some shopping and spends the whole day out. And same, look into what she takes and see, perfume, make-up, toothbrush.
Two weeks ago she had UTI and we haven�t had sex for more than three months. Any other causes for UTI??? Also the day she had the infection, she looked in the interent the following �Risks of anal sex� If she did that or not, or it was simple curiosity, I don�t know either
I have found compromising internet conversation in the past.
It�s a gut feeling I have of affair or something is going. Or I could be wrong as I have no hard evidence. She really protects her phone so I can�t snoop. And when I have the opportunity, messages have been deleted.
She know the way I am and confronting her is hard as she is very aggressive when she gets mad.
I know this is not advisable on MB principle. But I would like to go back to my country so I can work on myself, vent off, take some time off being so much time together, make her and myself miss each other. (sort of a Plan B). That would make me spend my son�s b day, Christmas and new year away.
She doesn�t work, so basically I would cut all the monetary support to the basics.
If an affair is going on, then let it be as I know its just an Illusion until reality kicks in.
In the meantime Become the man I should be, and try to make her fall In love again.
Basically this is the only option I can think of and have.
If we don�t have our own married life, there is always a family member on the house, her father lives with us and if very strict with her, actually now he doesn�t speak to her for everything that has happened, which in part he has reasons to do so.
I have been making mistakes in the past which I�m working to correct, we basically can�t go out together as there is no one to babysit the kids.
If we both want to go out, her dad won�t take care of the kids.
Her mother can take care of the kids but her house is a mess and always dirty, I personally don�t like going over there for that reason.
Her parents don�t get along at all. So she can�t come in and stay with the kids or a discussion can arise. So basically if I go out, which I�m not too into, my wife has to take care of the kids or If she goes out I have to take care of the kids.
Right now she doesn�t want to go out with me, maybe different interests, she likes to party hard, I�m not too into that.
If I talk to her to work this out, create love, she would tell me to stop reading crap in the internet because she knows she wont love me, ever, and that doesn�t work.
There are many things going on that basically I�m overwhelmed.
I can�t take them back to my country as she requires a USA Visa to enter which I�m working on but its about a year away.
I know it would help a lot going back to my country as many more options are available, and we would be doing very different things, also I have a family business to run in my country, which has been hit very hard by the financial crisis and would require me to be out in the day, not 24/7 in the house like now. But that will take time.
I have to work on my needy, weepy, behavior and get my balls in place to confront her. She has a very strong character.
Even yesterday I talked with her mother, as I want to fix this up, as how I�m reading on the internet how to become a better man. Accidentally she told my wife and I felt shattered as If I�m going to change and she knows, the magic is lost.
My wife then told me, stop reading so much crap in the internet because you are getting full of it.
I have to work on two parts, Physically, as I�m skinny right now, I used to be overweight. And personality wise, become stronger, more dominating, she likes that type of man. Working the physical part, would help me work the mental part. Plus getting back into the business will boost my ego up again.
Being here, with all this going on, plus business stress, don�t help me focus on what to do.
As I said on the other post, I have to man up, and that is going to be the hardest part to do for me.
Thanks
ORE
