Okay - all I need now is to compose the message to send!

Has anybody done this before and if so, can they send me over a message that they used?

Perry, most of us have done this and you simply tell the person that your wife has left the marriage for her adulterous affair with JoeXYZ and ask for their support in persuading her to end her affair. I would call close family members to tell them the news and also ask for their advice.

Your wife will be furious about your exposure, so be prepared for the fallout. In your situation, I might do it just after you go dark in Plan B so you don't have to listen to the fall out.

Perry774, Take a look at my thread for an example of a message I am going to send to OW FB friends.

Got it TM. Thanks.

I think as ML suggested though, I will wait until I go dark so as not to get the fallout. Although, to be honest, I doubt think there will be much to go through. I just have a gut feeling that nobody will actually care!

A small update.

My W is due to be here today and I said I would text her to let her know if my D's mum would be back from holiday on time or whether I would need her to babysit for me.

Got a reply that she is happy to babysit it, however she is hoping the ferry isn't cancelled so she will be back on time.

You see my W went away to an island on Monday for work (it may even have been Sunday she went). I thought she was actually back yesterday but it's today. From looking at the timetable and judging the time of her text she will be back here at around 1pm.

So, she has been away for 2-3 days. Hasn't seem OM. Comes home for 2-3 hours. Comes around here to her step-D and H and then spends the next 5 hours (okay I will be out for 1.5 - 2 hours of that and upstairs for the rest but still).

She also agreed to this extra babysitting time on Saturday (as I only found out then that I might need her) and she agreed right away without speaking to OM.

She also cancelled her night out with OM this Friday (the dancing one I mentioned) when she found out I was going to go. Again without speaking to OM.

It is very very hard for me not to read anything into this (although all I'm reading into it is its strangeness), but as I've said before ... does anybody see anything strange with this? I know if I was OM, I'd be pretty p*ssed off! I also know when you get into a new R then you tolerate a lot, but come on. Please. Would YOU tolerate your new partner spending that kind of time with your H and step-D?

This guy must clearly be a saint as I couldn't do it. Taking everything into account I'd be as insecure as hell as it is without this!

Is it me? Somebody?

EDIT: Turns out she was with the boyfriend while she was away. Oh the joys of not having to work for a living eh.

W has just left tonight after babysitting for my D (her step-D).

Everything went fine. I was pleasant and polite. Came in and my W was reading my D a book in bed.

My D has a new mobile phone so my W set that up for her and put her home number into it. She told me that if I needed her home phone number it was in my D's phone. I said no I wouldn't need it.

She also almost gave me her email address but the thing she wanted me to email needed to be printed, and she doesn't have a printer so there was no point.

My D told me she had been texting and spoke to somebody on the phone - likely the OM. I think I need to draw a boundary there - no contact with the OM while she is here unless it's an emergency. I think that is only appropriate.

Another strange evening where my W goes back, 500 yards around the corner, to her boyfriend after spending all evening with my D.

Why oh why oh why do I continue to put up with this.

If you hope that you can save your marriage with putting up with this and doing nothing by being scared to push her further away you are terribly wrong.

Don't fool yourself - she is as far away from you as she can get already, there is nowhere to "push" her anymore. She is having an affair with OM.

If you hope that she will come to senses by herself by babysitting your daughter etc, again, you are terribly wrong.

I am not saying that to suck up to vets here, I have been through this myself. I was exactly like you, afraid doing anything to upset my WW, afraid push her away (some of my friends gave me that kind of "advice" too (not push her)).

That kind of fear cost me FR and 9 months of my life wasted. The only excuse I have is that I didn't know MB then. After D-Day2 6 months ago I had quite different (read: MB) approach and if anything at all, that can save my marriage.

So, please, listen the advice given here. Use the chance to avoid mistakes I did.

I know I need to go Plan B. I know it needs to happen. Timing for me is important though.

I am under absolutely no illusions whatsoever that what I am doing is merely feeding into her ego.

So far she has walked out on my, my D and setup home with OM.

All I am doing at the moment is saying, hey it's okay about all of that - I'm cool with you ripping our marriage apart, my heart out and abandoning my daughter - come on around, we'll be best pals and you can still see her, have your house, OM and lots of sex with him. I don't really matter anymore.

I know that's what I'm telling her. And frankly, if we were WS then this is what we would want - two guys / girls fighting over you and still getting to do everything you did before. You have an A WITHOUT consequences. How cool is that for a WW?

I know I am allowing her to cake eat. I know I am allowing her to do what she is doing. Nothing I have tried so far has worked to try and get her to talk to me let alone talk about coming back.

So, if you keep doing the same thing and get the same results - it's time to change the game. The only thing left for me and my D is Plan B - I call it getting our heads sorted.

I am all but done emotionally with this. It's a case of if I don't do it soon I will have no feelings left for her and nothing to give her should she want to try again OR anybody else should I get involved at a later date. I need to do this to heal.



I assumed, recon6mo, that the above is what you are referring to? If not, what mistakes did you do?

First of all, I am referring to exposure.

Is OM married? I see others here have asked you about that but no answer. If yes, immediately expose to her.

Sorry, must have missed that one.

OM, as far as I am aware, is not married. I have actually been unable to find out much about him at all. He was in a relationship up until the one with my W, I think. Not sure how serious etc.

Exposure to everybody involved in the situation is complete. Nothing from anybody though. As I said in a previous post, parents don't seem interested and extended family don't want to get involved!

Everybody just seems to accept this A as normal ... it's been a huge eye opener. No wonder W is not actually doing anything about ending it - no pressure from anybody!

I suggest to find out more information about OM. Name, where he's from, relatives, recent workplaces.

I do remember that user named Bob_Pure did an extensive search and with information found, was able to put great pressure to OM, maybe he can help.

Don't give up yet.

You need to go to plan B.

But plan B is for you. You can't keep DD away from WW unless you have sole custody.

Better to have WW come visit DD in your house then WW bringing DD to WW/OM love nest.

This is why it is said the BH has to make having an affair difficult.

Have you cut off all financial support to WW?

Cell, credit cards, car payments, car insurance, etc....

Also you need to move far enough away from WW so her coming to visit becomes an inconvenience.

DD is not W's but mine. DD is W's step-DD if you see what I mean.


And that's exactly what I'm not doing. She's living her life as she wishes and they are not doubt having an easy time together.


Yes. Already done.



Unfortunately I can't do that. Finances, state of the economy, etc. etc. It's not possible for me to do it.

Is your wife on FaceBook? If so, go on and find all her friends (copy the list) and expose to them. I haven't seen a better way to expose, except when the parents care and give her hell.

So what is your plan to stop?

Wife is on Facebook and I intend to reveal it to close family and friends about what she is doing. Some of them know. Some of them don't know. Some of them think they know. I want to make sure they all know the truth and not the lies she has so far told them.


Plan B and no further contact. The timing is when though.

My gut is telling me my W is unhappy - it could be just when she is around me however. If she is unhappy then paradise is falling apart. I don't really have enough evidence to judge. Either way I need to do the Plan B for me. Even if paradise is over and she decides to think about her marriage again, I really need this time for me and my D to heal.

You haven't exposed yet?!!

Why the h&ll not?!

That should have been the FIRST thing you did. Day one. Every day you wait, she is getting further and further away from your marriage! And closer to STDs, etc.

And you are wrong, that you should not expose to her FB friends.

EVERY single case I've seen on here where the BS exposes to the FB people, it creates a HUGE impact.

You are worried about what people think about you.

How is that getting your spouse back?

I'm actually worried that it will be seen as vindictive and nasty. I can however see both sides of the argument. Close family and friends know. What they know I'm not sure but they know.

I'm also waiting to go to Plan B before I do and that way the fallout I won't have to deal with.

Maybe I should rethink this?

WArning: major 2x4s coming your way. Prepare to be upset at me. But I'm trying to help you.

Perry, you have this ALL backwards. Have you read the material here? There is a plan. It starts with exposing. PERIOD.

There is a REASON for this. Exposing says you are STRONG and RIGHT, not vindictive. It says YOU did the right thing - fighting for the marriage, and SHE did the wrong thing - CHEATING. Everyone needs to hear it. Everyone needs to be reminded that cheating is wrong, that it DEVASTATES families, that it is selfish.

Let me break this down for you.

EXACTLY. Like I said, you are WORRIED about your IMAGE. How does fear of your image get your wife back? Your image is already tarnished because she is cheating. REGAIN your image by fighting for your marriage. If they don't understand what you are doing, explain it to them (but first you have to read the material here)

WHAT?! What does that mean? They know she is screwing another guy? They know she left you?

That's not what we said. We said to TELL them that she CHEATED on you, not that 'things are not going well' or some other namby-pamby crap like that. Exposure is what YOU do. NOT her. What good would that do? Anything SHE tells them makes HER look good while YOU look bad. Come on, get smart about this. And stop acting out of fear.

You don't do Plan B if you haven't EXPOSED and done Plan A! You need to reread the program, ok?

Ok, here's the biggest 2x4. Do you want to save your marriage, or not?

You will have to man up, grow up, grow a pair, whatever you want to call it, but I will ask you: Why would your wife want you (over some guy who is brave enough to swoop in and TAKE her), if you are so chicken you won't even stay around to DEAL with her? I mean, come on! What person can't even deal with his wife's anger?

Think about it.