For a history of whats happening in my marriage see my postings over the last three days from "missingmywife".<P>My w is flying out to visit her family this weekend. I found out that her "friend" the om will be driving her to the airport and picking her up. She has told me that they have not been intimate yet,that it is just a friendship. I believe her but that is the next step I am sure because all her feelings for me are negative. <BR>My question is this - should I confront them at the airport or let her sort out her feelings on her own ? I am scared that by confronting her it will drive her farther away from me and deeper in to his arms. She was the one who told me he was driving her.<BR>What do I do ??<BR>She tells me she is still trying to sort out her feelings for me, but how can she feel anything but anger when obviously he can do no wrong ?<BR>I am so confused about how to handle this..<BR>Please I need advise - especially from anyone who has been in a similar situation.<BR>

Hi missing,<P>I agree with dzrt. Do not confront. It will definitely put you in a bad light. Everything you do from now on must be to put yourself in a good light, not bad.<P>This means: try to meet whatever emotional needs of hers that you can. It also means: do not love-bust (no disrepectful behavior, no threatening, no angry outbursts, etc.).<P>You are right about one thing - she will never be able to figure out her feelings about you when she continually sees the OM. Her judgement is completely clouded by her addiction for him. But the only thing you can do is what I mentioned above.<P>--andy<p>[This message has been edited by airheart (edited October 21, 1999).]

How about offering to drive her? After all, you are her husband.

I have offered to drive her to the airport from the start. She has elected his presence rather than mine. I am the enemy..<P>More feedback please..D-day is Friday

Not much advice here. What a bad place to be. But, I agree, do NOT confront them. She's been honest, she's not sneaking and you won't like what you find. Use this time to decide what you want to do when she gets back.<P>Sorry I'm not more help. <P>Lori

Well now I have more to offer. I think she has slept with him now. She was not at her girl friends house she is staying at last night and was very evasive to both myself and her sister as to where she was last night. In aconversation we had yesterday i mentioned that she should stop seeing him as she could not honestly reflect on her feelings for me if she was seeing him. Her response was - too bad. If I chose to sleep with this guy it is for me and it doesn't matter how you feel. All day I have been feeling like I have been run over by a truck.

mmw<P>Don't confront. That was a truck! There probably are more of them coming. This is a real test of your resolve to rebuild your marriage. You must keep looking for chances to deposit love units and expect no return, yet. It was good to offer to drive her, but the response was not surprising. You have to try really hard not to lovebust and keep your eyes open for those trucks. If you see them coming maybe you won't get run over.<P>This is probably the worst time, when she feels so high that nothing she does or says is wrong.It is also the hardest not to lovebust. Hang in there.

When a spouse is in the state of denial of their feelings and have the feeling that nothing they do or say is wrong, what is it that pulls them out of it if anything ? <p>[This message has been edited by missingmywife (edited October 21, 1999).]

You know I have had this feeling about the idea of confronting them at the airport. Perhaps I should let het get on the plane, then meet him in the parking lot and lay a good ole fashion sh-t kicking on him.<P>Nah, just a feeling I have, however tempting it is. I will try and head the advice that has been posted here and avoid the confrontation as painfull as it is.

Hi missingmywife,<P>My wife has been having an affair with her business associate for around a year and a half. She is still living here, but speaks to me very little and will not even get near me physically. From the start I have wanted to save my marriage. I tried everything - confronting her and him, being nice, writing her, sending her candy and flowers, never forgetting an event etc. <BR>The next part of my story may sound wierd, but I would not have enough strength to continue living like this by myself. This experience convinced me of the presence of evil and the devil in our lives and I have come to see what is happening as a spiritual battle. One similar to so many others on this site and amoung people I know. I have nothing to offer except to say to pray and have faith that God will listen and work in your life. I know that my W's affair has created an ache inside me that fuels me to try to help others see the real battle going on. <P>I am seeing a Christian counselor. She is much more proactive and helpful than a psychologist I saw for several visits. <P>------------------<BR>Eph 6:12