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No, dropping and picking up isn't that easy. Sin has consequences. I know I still haven't felt them all. I'm waiting for the day my 13 year old DD reminds me. And she'll be right. I just don't do the mea culpa thing as much anymore because, honestly, it bothers my H. Maybe he's just an anathema, but he says he has moved past what I did, and he wants me to do the same. In fact, he actually wasn't too sure he was happy when MB came back up because he thought it was making me worse, i.e. reminding myself how terrible I was. But he's okay as long as I don't go down that road. He really blows my mind sometimes.
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If you knew me, you would know that coloring inside the lines makes me laugh. Even my H says I don't fit any mold (and it ain't cause I'm too fat - ha!). Actually, I believed the whole of the Bible...then I ignored the Bible so I could sin wihtout having to think too much...then I repented and picked up the Bible again, so to speak. I don't believe absolutes that have no Biblical basis - i.e. one drink is a mortal sin. But the Bible is fairly clear about sexual purity, so that I do believe. I also believe what God's word says about repentance, forgiveness, and being made new. Thankfully, so does my husband. So I can always "blow it" drop the bible, pick it up when I'm done sinning(assuming I don't croak) and all is well and new as long as I repent then. Like it never happened.(NEW) WOW, no wonder this religion is so popular. DUDE As you can see...I emphasized the tricky part. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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No, dropping and picking up isn't that easy. Sin has consequences. I know I still haven't felt them all. I'm waiting for the day my 13 year old DD reminds me. And she'll be right. I just don't do the mea culpa thing as much anymore because, honestly, it bothers my H. Maybe he's just an anathema, but he says he has moved past what I did, and he wants me to do the same. In fact, he actually wasn't too sure he was happy when MB came back up because he thought it was making me worse, i.e. reminding myself how terrible I was. But he's okay as long as I don't go down that road. He really blows my mind sometimes. You know he is in denial. You know in your heart he isn't "passed it", right? DUDE
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If you knew me, you would know that coloring inside the lines makes me laugh. Even my H says I don't fit any mold (and it ain't cause I'm too fat - ha!). Actually, I believed the whole of the Bible...then I ignored the Bible so I could sin wihtout having to think too much...then I repented and picked up the Bible again, so to speak. I don't believe absolutes that have no Biblical basis - i.e. one drink is a mortal sin. But the Bible is fairly clear about sexual purity, so that I do believe. I also believe what God's word says about repentance, forgiveness, and being made new. Thankfully, so does my husband. So I can always "blow it" drop the bible, pick it up when I'm done sinning(assuming I don't croak) and all is well and new as long as I repent then. Like it never happened.(NEW) WOW, no wonder this religion is so popular. DUDE As you can see...I emphasized the tricky part. Mr. Wondering Sorry, I'm not buying it. You may repent and make amends, but it stays with you for LIFE and you still have to answer for it. Anyone can say they repented enought to convince themselves they are saved. God may have a little more fury waiting on them(us) than we believe..DUDE
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If you knew me, you would know that coloring inside the lines makes me laugh. Even my H says I don't fit any mold (and it ain't cause I'm too fat - ha!). Actually, I believed the whole of the Bible...then I ignored the Bible so I could sin wihtout having to think too much...then I repented and picked up the Bible again, so to speak. I don't believe absolutes that have no Biblical basis - i.e. one drink is a mortal sin. But the Bible is fairly clear about sexual purity, so that I do believe. I also believe what God's word says about repentance, forgiveness, and being made new. Thankfully, so does my husband. So I can always "blow it" drop the bible, pick it up when I'm done sinning(assuming I don't croak) and all is well and new as long as I repent then. Like it never happened.(NEW) WOW, no wonder this religion is so popular. DUDE Well, it is sort of like that, IMO. Maybe throw in a little restitution and purgatory time. Damn, I have a lot of that time coming. Better whip me out a plenary indulgence. Let's see if I have the cash.
Last edited by Zelmo; 11/13/09 04:37 PM.
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No, dropping and picking up isn't that easy. Sin has consequences. I know I still haven't felt them all. I'm waiting for the day my 13 year old DD reminds me. And she'll be right. I just don't do the mea culpa thing as much anymore because, honestly, it bothers my H. Maybe he's just an anathema, but he says he has moved past what I did, and he wants me to do the same. In fact, he actually wasn't too sure he was happy when MB came back up because he thought it was making me worse, i.e. reminding myself how terrible I was. But he's okay as long as I don't go down that road. He really blows my mind sometimes. You know he is in denial. You know in your heart he isn't "passed it", right? DUDE I agree...way to soon for that. In fact, statistically your husband is the most likely one to have an affair NEXT. I'm sure you can anticipate the rationalizations and justifications he'd use. He's only ever been with you so he gets one free nookie pass. For your sake, I hope you get him involved in the marriage builders recovery process lest YOU find yourself behind the betrayed eight ball one day. The 6th to 8th month is the most likely time period for him to progess to an anger phase. His taker will rise up and if there is any woman that presents herself available, he's likely to feel justified going for it (and there are women out there who love to court the wounded duck) I'm sorry. Consequences suck...but at least YOU are here to KNOW what CAN happen and will be more prepared to prevent/save him from such self-destructive behavior (as opposed to the uninformed former wayward that would likely enable such to a large extent by feeling they have no right to interceed or speak up after what they did). Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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If you knew me, you would know that coloring inside the lines makes me laugh. Even my H says I don't fit any mold (and it ain't cause I'm too fat - ha!). Actually, I believed the whole of the Bible...then I ignored the Bible so I could sin wihtout having to think too much...then I repented and picked up the Bible again, so to speak. I don't believe absolutes that have no Biblical basis - i.e. one drink is a mortal sin. But the Bible is fairly clear about sexual purity, so that I do believe. I also believe what God's word says about repentance, forgiveness, and being made new. Thankfully, so does my husband. So I can always "blow it" drop the bible, pick it up when I'm done sinning(assuming I don't croak) and all is well and new as long as I repent then. Like it never happened.(NEW) WOW, no wonder this religion is so popular. DUDE Well, it is sort of like that, IMO. Maybe throw in a little restitution and purgatory time. Damn, I have a lot of that time coming. Better whip me out a plenary indulgence. Let's see if I have the cash. Is there a religion where I can just pay cash? If so, I'm in on it..DUDE
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I'll send you a self addressed ,stamped envelope. I can give you a receipt, as well, for tax purposes.
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Z:
Should I make that check out to the Zelmo Benovolent Fund?
LG
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I'll send you a self addressed ,stamped envelope. I can give you a receipt, as well, for tax purposes. Maybe I should join the Fatherhood and become a priest?
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Is becoming more "absolute" (as a result of infidelity) a good thing or a bad thing?
Mr. Wondering On a macro level, probably a bad thing as it moves one farther from reality. On a micro level, probably a good thing as keeps one adhered to their values. Most likely, the best would be to be a situational absolutist.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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Z:
Should I make that check out to the Zelmo Benovolent Fund?
LG Or "Save the Zelmos". You can clothe and feed a Zelmo for $0.55 a day..
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I'll send you a self addressed ,stamped envelope. I can give you a receipt, as well, for tax purposes. Maybe I should join the Fatherhood and become a priest? See you at Vespers.
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Is becoming more "absolute" (as a result of infidelity) a good thing or a bad thing?
Mr. Wondering On a macro level, probably a bad thing as it moves one farther from reality. On a micro level, probably a good thing as keeps one adhered to their values. Most likely, the best would be to be a situational absolutist. Agreed. good post. I like it..DUDE
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If you knew me, you would know that coloring inside the lines makes me laugh. Even my H says I don't fit any mold (and it ain't cause I'm too fat - ha!). Actually, I believed the whole of the Bible...then I ignored the Bible so I could sin wihtout having to think too much...then I repented and picked up the Bible again, so to speak. I don't believe absolutes that have no Biblical basis - i.e. one drink is a mortal sin. But the Bible is fairly clear about sexual purity, so that I do believe. I also believe what God's word says about repentance, forgiveness, and being made new. Thankfully, so does my husband. So I can always "blow it" drop the bible, pick it up when I'm done sinning(assuming I don't croak) and all is well and new as long as I repent then. Like it never happened.(NEW) WOW, no wonder this religion is so popular. DUDE Yes, hence the reason why Jesus died for us.....But you cant repent if you know you are going to go right back out and do the sin again...and I think we all have a some purgatory time due...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. 
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And I kinda think we pay on earth for some of our sins also..JMHO
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
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And I kinda think we pay on earth for some of our sins also..JMHO Only waywards??! hehe Everyone else is cool. DUDE
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I probably wasn't clear. Our D-Day was over three years ago. Sorry about that. But I know that it will always be there. I can never undo it, and H is always and always will be free to monitor or check as much as needed. There are no secrets anymore for us. What I did was reprehensable, and I would never want to minimize it. And he knows that we can talk about it any time he needs to. For now, he doesn't need to, t least according to him. But I know that this will be a part of our journey for the rest of our lives.
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I probably wasn't clear. Our D-Day was over three years ago. Sorry about that. But I know that it will always be there. I can never undo it, and H is always and always will be free to monitor or check as much as needed. There are no secrets anymore for us. What I did was reprehensable, and I would never want to minimize it. And he knows that we can talk about it any time he needs to. For now, he doesn't need to, t least according to him. But I know that this will be a part of our journey for the rest of our lives. Awesome post. You're right, the past will always be there but it doesn't have to define you.
Me BH 49 WXW 50
Married 1998
DS 2002
DD 2005
D Day 1 7/28/08
D Day 2 8/19/08
Divorce Final 3/19/2009
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Its a tragedy, no doubt, BUT if you had relations before your M and your spouse did as well, its not NEARLY as bad as if you had both been pure and saved yourselves. As I said, you and I had an agreement that was broken. The REAL DEAL marriage where you have only slept w/ your spouse is totally different. It just is...DUDE <THUD> Says who?? DUDE, what planet are you living on? Some of your posts are so far out there I don't even have words for them...and I suspect I am not the only one. I have a friend around here whose W had an A and they were each other's first...they've recovered their M MUCH better and faster than my FWH and I have, and we were not each other's first or only. To MOST people, betrayal is a horrific experience ~ when I spoke to Dr. H on the phone he said to me: "MF....you know that this is the WORST EXPERIENCE YOU WILL EVER GO THROUGH...you can go through the rest of your life KNOWING that nothing will ever be as bad as this."And this was from an EXPERT on the subject. I'm sorry DUDE, but if your true attitude about adultery and betrayal is what you say it is... something is wrong. I don't know what that is, but something is very wrong. Seriously. I hope you get it figured out for your marriage and your family's sake.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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