Perry,

The more people she tells first the more people that will think you are mean, vindictive, abusing, controlling...

That's what she is going to tell them...

She will NOT tell them...

"I'm boinking OM and so Perry is upset with me"

She'll say "I haven't been happy in ten years. He is SO controlling. He NEVER pays attention to me. He ABUSES me verbally. He gets all crazy sometimes and acts insanely jealous. It's like he think every guy is trying to get into my pants..."


"Oh. There's this guy I met who is counseling me through this whole mess..."

"Mom! Dad! This is OM. He's the one I have been telling you about how much I've been able to lean on him while Perry was going off the deep end."

"Dear Friends,

We didn't plan it to happen, but it just seems that through the hard times we've each had in our lives God has somehow brought us together...

And we're getting married.

As soon as both divorces are final.

Love,
WW"

That is the way she will expose this to people, Perry.

Wouldn't you prefer that they know the truth?

Here is a quick draft of a letter I just put together. Bearing in mind it's basically a copy of TravelMonkey's from another thread.

I don't yet have the book (although I did order it at the start of the week) so I have nothing from that, assuming such an email is in there.

"
Hello,

I am contacting you as a friend of WW to let you know that she is having an adulterous affair with a previous work colleague, OM, from <OM last place he lived>. These past 12 months of our marriage have been testing on both sides, with illnesses and access and contact with D, but 7 years of love, commitment and support is a lot to throw away. When I took my vows I did so in front of our friends, family and God 'to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part'. I did not take these vows lightly.

I have heard many stories about the reasons for the affair, none of which are true. When listening to any of them, please remind yourself that there are three sides to every story - his side, her side and the truth. So far I have chosen to keep my marriage private and not wash my dirty linen in public.

However I can no longer keep quiet about the destruction of my family and the adulterous affair that WW and OM are continuing. My reputation is being tarnished by rumour and chinese whispers.

Even after I found out about the adultery from a third party, WW and I still spend time together with WW's step-D on a regular basis. In the 9 months previous to the affair we were trying for a baby of our own to help complete our family. OM knows that I am fighting to save our marriage but his continued presence in it is preventing WW from being able to make clear choices, while he continues to choose to try to destroy our family.

If you care about WW then please encourage her to make the right choices for her family, which clearly would not include continuing committing adultery.

Please feel free to contact me at ... if you would like more information.

Many thanks,

BS

P.S. If you are reading this and thinking that it is ME who should be ashamed for letting the world know the Truth, please be consider that it is wrong to COMMIT adultery, it is not wrong to EXPOSE adultery. If more people would be stand up for what's right, our world would be a better place.
"

It is a bit long so I'm hoping that you experts can trim it while still keeping it's original meaning! Comments?

I would shorten it and use the following.
Much of what you wrote sounded judgemental and you don't want to do that. Also, I would not anticipate being dissed by them. If they do....your pre-emtive comments won't help.

Here is what I would send.


Hello,

I am contacting you to let you know that she is having an adulterous affair with a previous work colleague, OM, from <OM last place he lived>. These past 12 months of our marriage have been testing on both sides, with illnesses and access and contact with D, but 7 years of love, commitment and support is a lot to throw away.



I love her, want to save the marriage and OM is a third party in the way of that.

If you care about WW then please encourage her to make the right choices for her family,

Please feel free to contact me at ... if you would like more information.

Many thanks,

BS

Draft 2:

"
Hello,

I am contacting you to let you know that she is having an adulterous affair with a previous work colleague, OM, from <OM last place he lived>. These past 12 months of our marriage have been testing on both sides, with illnesses and fighting for contact with our D, but 7 years of love, commitment and support is a lot to throw away.

I have heard many stories about the reasons for the affair, none of which are true. When listening to them, please remind yourself that there are two sides to every story. So far I have chosen to keep my marriage private and not wash my dirty linen in public.

I love her, want to save the marriage and OM is a third party in the way of that.

If you care about WW then please encourage her to make the right choices for her family.

Please feel free to contact me at ... if you would like more information.

Many thanks,

BS
"

I really like your letter. More than my own!

Thanks TM ... I based it on yours though!

I just wanted to share a text correspondence between me and W:

W:
I'm working on Monday but off on Wednesday so can make then. Let me know what time is best. Thanks.

Me:
Wednesday was already agreed when you sent me the dates list. 15.45 until 19.00.

W:
OK that's fine. I have found the book & case that goes with yr Mum's CD. I'll bring "17 again" for D & a wig for her then. Let me know if there's anything else she needs.

It's just so ANNOYING normal?! Like I haven't done anything wrong! This is a perfect example of why I need Plan B.

I am SO tempted to reply to the last text with "D has asked if you can bring her step-mum back and if she can work to becoming her loving family again'. I won't but it is tempting.