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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2009
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I found out 2 months ago that my husband of 18 yrs had been having an affair with his assistant for about 6 months, Caught red handed as such. Have been dealing with it and he has followed all the rules no contact etc doing everything he can to make it up. that we did that as it became apparent she had been fooling herself. But now my question is what do i do, this is killing me,
Last edited by sylvesterkiwi; 11/17/09 03:53 PM.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 8,344
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First off, concentrate on your marriage.
If she is keeping the child, there is NOTHING you or your husband can do at this time. You'll have to wait till DNA can prove he is the father.
But until then, you all should keep to NC and work on yourselves.
I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. My Story Recovered!
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 244
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SK....ditto what DD said. I am new to this game, so I am not the best to give advice. However, I can tell you that I wouldn't have made it this far without the support of this board and others who have walked this road. Read, read, read as much as you can.
Me: BS age 35 POS-eX-the SORRIEST, CRUELEST, LOWLY WAYWARD SCUMBAG out there Married 14.5 years, together almost 16 DDay: 7-5-09 OC born: 7-23-09 no COM: tried 6 years  D filed 5/05/2011 D final 11/10/11 I was gaslighted for 2 years. "You were not built for a safe story. Take risks and feel what it is like to actually be brave. It's worth it." Carlos Whittaker
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Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
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sylvesterkiwi,
Welcome to Marriage Builders. I'm so sorry you have the need to be here but you have found an excellent place for advice, suggestions & support.
What do you do?
If you've decided you want to save this marriage, then that's what you do! You work on THAT! Don't concern yourself with this OW or baby,,work on the two of you. Yeah, easy to say, I know,,and HARD to do but you HAVE to do that. You're going to have to be a strong TEAM to survive this added pregnancy dilema to the stress of recovery.
Please read the "Welcome to the Preg/Child" thread at the top of this forum for helpful starting plans you need to know.
And read "Surviving an Affair" to get you & your H on the right recovery track. Read, read & POST! Ask any questions you may have & vent your frustrations. We are here for you!
Dday- Feb 1998
Recovered!!
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Joined: Nov 2009
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Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Nov 2009
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thanks for the advise we have read the books and been doing fairly well till this speed bump, but it all kind of fell apart, i find it really hard to concentrate on us with this hanging over my head...
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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What can you do?
Apply MB to recover your marriage.
What can you and your WH do about the OC?
Not too much.
DNA test.
Pay CS.
Do you expect the OW to murder this OC because you do not want the OC born?
Last edited by TheRoad; 11/16/09 07:40 PM.
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Joined: Feb 2007
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Do you have COM?
Your first thing to do is to continue to work on the M. Secondly, you protect your M and your COM legally before the OC is born and proven by DNA to be your WH's. Then if you have done all that and the OC if proven to be your WH's you deal with CS and determine whether you will have any C with the OC. People go both ways, C with OC and NC with OC. C with OC makes it harder to have NC with OW, but it can be done. This is a POJA issue.
1. Marriage
2. protect COM
3. do everything through the legal system
Me BS
D Day 4-2-2005
OC born 12-2004
DS 21, DS 12
Married 1993
May the love hidden deep inside your heart find the love waiting in your dreams. May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow wipe away the pain you find in your yesterdays.
Recovering....it's a long road, even with a dedicated FWH
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