Well, personally I think we are human and there is a LOT else. For me that came after I got it right with G-d.

Now, don't get me wrong. I find what your WH did despicable and I hope he isn't allowed to do it. But he's like an addict and they are selfish creatures that will look for any out to keep what they believe is theres. Yours seems very vindictive, mean and controlling.

Let the others fight your battle, so you don't give him any more reason to hurt you. Let G-d have him if you know what I mean.

I hope you give your FIL a big fat hug.

FIl is the most patient, kind and gentle soul. He loves taking his youngest grandson to the park and playing in the sprinklers with him. He tutors one of his granddaughters almost nightly on her math and helps any of the other grandkids on whatever projects they may have. He and MIL go to almost every event that involve their grandkids or their schools -- no matter how big or small or how far the distance. And FIL likes to sing and dance and do cart wheels and eat chocolate -- just because.

That being said, I had never heard this man swear until this past year. Rarely over the 32 years I've known him have I even heard him raise his voice. Sad that he has had to cuss and raise his voice at his son for his son to even take notice.

FIL's latest advice is for me to just say to D!ck should he call or text -- "F off." And to think FIL was in the seminary at one time to become a priest. Yep, A's affect everyone they touch and change us all.

HH,

I am so sorry. Yes, you win, hands down, for the worst WH. You are in for the fight of your life I'm afraid. At this point, you have to move forward and do whatever it takes to come out of this with something for you and your kids. Sorry to say that I would put any thoughts of recovery and taking the high road behind me. It isn't going to work in this case. Your WH is too far gone at this point. I'm sure that mine would have done exactly the same thing if circumstances were different (if we had minor children etc).

We are here for you for as long as it takes. You are so lucky to have your in-laws on your side. Wow.

As I've said before, WHs like mine and yours crash and burn the hardest. It won't be pretty.

Call me later tonight if you want to talk. I'll be home....

Hi HH-

D!ck's "itemized" deductions are just part of his continued entitled attitude. Definitely let your attorney handle it with the court. Judges do not look kindly on their rulings being ignored or "modified".

It's no longer between you and XH, it's between XH and the judge and there are legal "teeth" behind the judge's ruling.

I'm so glad your FIL is standing up for your family and for what's right. He is good people and you are blessed to have your IL's in your corner.

Praying for you.

HH,

You definitely are blessed to have the IL's that you do.

I wish I could say the same thing.... blood is thicker than water in my case. Though, my FIL still comes weekly to take care of the chore of taking our garbage to the dump and having a cup of coffee with me. Too bad the garbage didn't include WH and OW My MIL just gets an attitude, superior look on her face when she sees me. And, I think, I have done nothing but love their son, and continue to do so. I have not stepped outside of my marriage, I have upheld my vows, their son didn't.

My WH is also defying the judges order, not the support order but the visitation order which clearly states that during visitation no contact with OW/kids. Well, they all went bowling last night. DS12 texts me in the middle of this, I truly believe he was reaching out to me.

Can you get the court-ordered support payments directly garnished from his wages? That's how I have it set up, and WH does not like it. I got the "why did you do that? I would have paid you." Yeah just like he was committed to our marriage and vows.

Kateydid

Thanks, all, for your continued support and words of wisdom. Yep, you'd think he's slinked to his lowest then POW another blow to the gut.

FIL and I talked today. He's going to visit his son tomorrow "come hell or high water." And MIL did her part, too. Seems she, too, left D!ck a voicemail message that FIL overheard. She said something about "burn in hell" so his spiritual side is still something she's trying to save.

I'll talk with attorney tomorrow about garnishing wages. But another key issue besides the partial check is that I now have no income since my temporary job ended. So, hopefully, when they go to the trouble of garnishing they can do it for a bigger amount. That'll go over great with D!ck, I expect.

His arrogance is out of control at this point. He's a desperate, desperate man. And all we asked him for was basic financial backup like credit card statements, recent pay stubs, expense claims, etc. He must be hiding something really, really bad.

As FIL and I discussed, if he'd just STOP LYING. Put everything out on the table. The affair is now a minor concern because you are right, recovery isn't even on the menu. But the money -- the "taking no prisoners" spend it all attitude -- Just who does he think he is? Thumb his nose and me and the kids and his parents and GOD and decency, etc.... but a court order to pay a SPECIFIC DOLLAR amount to me by the 15th of the month?

I pray that a judge will see this as blantant disregard for the system and see that D!ck's entitlement "stops at the door." Maybe a day or two in jail with the druggies and the gang members and others will give D!ck a taste of reality on the other side of the law.

He needs to fall badly for the world to be a better place. As long as he has this "no consequences" attitude, then no one is immune to his bullying. Thank goodness he's burned bridges with the kids. I'd hate to see his influence on them.

HH, I agree with the others. Now is the time to be thinking of YOU and your kids.

If and that�s a big IF WH gets that cranio-rectal operation performed on himself and there is a recovery, he will thank you for protecting assets and the kids from himself. If there isn�t a recovery, well, you�ve taken care of yourself and your future.

Today's the day I pull out the double-barrel shot gun. I'm taking no prisoners.

Have meeting set with attorney to see how hard he can get the court to come down on D!ck. Besides only sending part of the court ordered support, D!ck sent me a text yesterday saying I needed to line up health insurance because he took me off effective January 1.

I know, I know. He can't do that. My attorney already shared a story about one of his clients whose WH did this. She ended up in the hospital for a week and the WH got stuck with a bill for over $100K.

D!ck's sins for the attorney to address today: 1) less support than court ordered; 2) support late for second month in a row (he dated the checks for the day after -- cocky sucker!); 3) taking me off health insurance; 4) maxing out two lines of credit in past two months; 5) killing my credit score because of the new debt which has caused me to be denied a credit card (I hope to have pre- and post- credit scores).... I'm still prioritizing.

D!ck's latest threat? To stop the divorce and let me sink.

I'll ask the attorney what recourse I have if he stops the process. Yep, MB goal is to drag out the D until the BS ends the affair. Yet, in my situation, his motives would be pure evil to drag me and the kids down his financial rat hole. I can't do this. Like Lil said... he may thank me one day for saving whatever I could during the D. And saving what little assets I have -- like my retirement -- is my goal.

I'm starting to think of this as a poker game -- D!ck's favorite game. I woke up today feeling like the chip leader with God as the House. I know I have a winning hand when I meet with the attorney today. I don't have to bluff. D!ck will try to rattle me, no doubt, with texts or calls. I need to put my sunglasses on, put the hoodie over my head, and not give hints as to my hand.

He got his hints yesterday. His parents offered a GET OUT OF JAIL FREE card if he just wrote a check for the balance of support. He declined. Said he'll take his chances in court. Such a the gambler mentality!!!

So he's already seen my ace, and his health insurance card is a 2.

I like my hand better. I doubt he has another 2.

ROLL THEM, God/Dealer.....

HH,

Good girl. Instead of the double barrel, you need to get the grenade and blow up his world. This man is about as arrogant as they come. And I don't believe that he can "stop" the D. Not if you keep going with it. And you definitely are in the driver's seat here.

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I've found that these things take on a life of their own, and the only thing that stops it is a crash and burn of the WS. It just happens too late sometimes.

(((((HH))))))

I know what your mean, CL. We are runners in a marathon we didn't condition for nor sign up for. On-the-job training whether we like it or not!!!

Two more sins to add to D!ck's list...6) D!ck transfering my $50.77 balance out of my checking account into his, 7) D!ck sticking me with the kids tuition when he was the one who signed the contract with the school, 8) adjustment to temporary support amount since I'm now unemployed.

I think it's time we put together a settlement offer. D!ck told his parents yesterday that he's going to fire his attorney and skip town. Hummm... 9) threats to quit his job and hide income.

I've got a few more hours to work on my list and my documentation. Any suggestions from the peanut gallery are very much appreciated.

And I might just spring for a manicure if I have time. My luck is already running. Repair man was just here. FREE part and NO service charge.

Another ace in my hand. I raise.

No suggestions. You are doing everything right in my book.

And let him skip town. He is cutting off his nose to spite his face. The more vindictive he gets, the worse his life will be. Won't it look great at his job if he gets thrown in jail for not paying his child support. This man is on a collision course with h3ll.

It's great to have supportive friends. Just got off the phone with one who owns a mortgage company. He ran my credit score (I already had a report but not a score) so I could compare with my pre-A score. Surprise, surprise. My score is over a 100 points lower due to debt to credit ratio.

And... he's going to do an appraisal on my house to see what it's value is in today's market.

He and D!ck have been close friends for nearly 20 years. Many a night they spent in our spa drinking wine, smoking cigars, and discussing the stock market. I'd bring them out towels or water or popcorn and joke with them about what world crisis they solved that particular night.

He and his wife and kids would come over for BBQs and we'd do the same at their house. We'd go on trips together, dinners together and Mass together.

By reading the report, this friend now know the depths of D!ck's financial mess. And our friend sounded shocked at the numbers. He did say that if D!ck were leaning toward bankrupcy, then he wouldn't be making the payments. And the payments are being made -- and on time.

Perhaps D!ck is betting that if he complains he has no funds for me and the kids, that the court will allow him to pay less. I don't think that's how it works. I think income is what matters, then money for child support and spousal support, THEN he gets what's left. And if he's sqandered his share already, then the prodical son may just need to beg his way home and ask his Father's forgiveness. And by "Father" I mean THE FATHER.

I truly believe that without God in his life, he is doomed.

Judges DO NOT like THEIR orders being changed or ignored by those he ordered to comply.

HH - what impresses me more than anything is your strength in walking through this. You aren't getting mad, you aren't getting even, you are walking through this with amazing grace and dignity and yet, such absolute strength.

I would consider finding out if you can admit him to the looney ward for the mentally insane.

Ohh.... and beyond anything else.

Judges DO NOT like parents screwing over children.

Thanks Queenie and ChaiLover for letting me know I'm on the right path. I, too, am amazed at my sanity and level-headedness at times. I was so emotional at the beginning and definitely not thinking too clearly. There is no way I would have been able to investigate and analyze and keep my focus had the D been thrown at me right from the start.

I think about this happening to someone older, more dependent on their spouse, not business-sauvy. How sad! I realize that the attorneys can only do so much. No matter how betrayed you feel, you MUST spy and snoop and investigate from Day 1. And if you need help, call on a trusted family member or friend to help. Do not keep this a secret!

If I had advice for Newbies, that's what it would be. Don't wait until after the WS leaves or even when they say that the A is over. SPY, SNOOP and INVESTIGATE right from the get-go. And do not give up your sources. And do not... do not... spill the secrets you find until you absolutely have to. And nothing is off-limits because you never, never know when you may need the info. Photos, receipts, ticket stubs -- whatever. They may not make any sense at the beginning, but they will when you have to start putting the puzzle together. Keep a calendar, too, so you can reconcile credit card transactions with what was going on that day. Thankfully, I keep my purse calendars each year and I alway wrote when D!ck would be out of town and the reason.

All of this is important now. All of this will matter when we sort out marital debt vs. non-marital debt.

and I am going to steal some of that and post it to cow girl if thats ok?

HH - the Judge is NOT going to like the fact that your WH took it upon himself to modify his order. Honestly? It sounds like WH is free-falling and close to a crash-and-burn. He is going to be SHOCKED if he believes that by reducing his available income that he'll pay less support. My daughter just got an order for child support on the father of her children who hasn't worked in six YEARS! Judges don't play around with that stuff and your WH is leaving a paper trail a mile wide. I wonder if he's setting things up to file bankruptcy-- AFTER he spends it all. That's another big no no and the courts will see right through that.

I second this. I would have been in deep doo if I did not take action when I saw XH spinning out of control. I protected myself and family first and even though I struggled with MB principles I at least feel that I can live and it is XH who is now struggling financially.

We are in shock, we are upset, we are trying to recover and that is how mistakes are made.

HH you are doing all the right things. whoa whoo

Pretty short meeting. Attorney called D!ck's attorney to say that D!ck needed a talkin to about shorting the support amount. Also mentioned kicking me off the health insurance plan come January 1. D!ck's sleazy attorney said I've run up the bills (not true) and I wasn't being "kicked off" insurance... just not renewed for the new year. Whatever. My guy said if he did that, then D!ck would be liable for ALL my medical bills. We'll see what happens.

We talked about modifying support and he asked me to update my disclosure statements for tomorrow. So I have homework.

His advice -- which can really be advice to everyone -- is to stay organized. I started dividing up subjects into folders and using 2-holed metal prongs to attach the papers. I still have stacks of papers in a cupboard, but I'm trying. ChaiLover suggested binders with subject dividers and summary sheets at the beginning of each section. Like that suggestion. Once I get all the backup in folders, then I'll try a binder for the main points.

This D stuff is a full-time job. Glad I'm unemployed at the moment.