Plant trees and keep animals. That way your crops never die. That's what I do. I prefer the word games, tho.

I only get on maybe once every two weeks or so. The only reason I have FB is to keep the grandparents from bugging me about photos all the time. The really neat thing about FB is you can take pics on your cell and text them to post to FB. I don't even have to login to do it.

I am super secret squirrel on FB. No one can find me unless *I* friend request them first.

Facebook is a great tool: True (If set up and used properly). Joint Account, share passwords, etc... It is also very dangerous for the exact same reasons it's a great tool. If you share enough information. It makes you VERY availaible and easy to find.

I had a friend request pop up, I called my wife into the room, and showed her the request, I told her who I suspected it was It was a serious GF from HS that I have not spoken with in 25 years.

We went on to Florida public record site, and confirmed the new last name was in fact my ExGF by viewing the 20 year old marriage certificate.

This girl would have never have found me if not for FB. I denied the friend request, and she disappeared.

What what was the harm?

I was now curious about this girl, and what had happened to her over the past 25 years. Wondering if she ever had a family? How simple it would have been just to accept the invite, and harmlessly catch up. But as most are aware here, one thing leads to another, so catching up was not an option.

Betrayed Spouses be advised... You CAN NOT delete a FB account. You can go to setting and "delete the account" but the next time you have decided to "undelete the account" It is back.. Same log in, password, friends list, everything. NOTHING was actually deleted! So for any BS out there who see a deleted status on a FB account... It can be created and re-deleted within minutes. Make no assumptions.

-JKT

Facebook is a great tool if used correctly. It has allowed me to stay connected with other writers that I met during grad school and friends I don't get to see very often. I've learned a lot of tricks to filter out the bad. On my account, I only add the applications that I actually use. I don't have any of the applications that let you buy a drink for somebody or anything like that. I also have my home page set to "status updates" so the only thing I see are my friend's status updates. I don't see who've they bought a drink for or what they might have written on someone else's wall or what they're doing in Farmville. Perhaps that's why I've never seen any of the inappropriate bantering or such that others have mentioned.

I only accept friend requests from people I know and actually want to be friends with. If my one serious high school boyfriend did try to friend me, I definitely would not accept, even though there's no chance of rekindling anything there. If he were the last man on earth, I would gladly take up a happily celibate lifestyle for the rest of my existence. Yuck! What was I thinking? As far as OM, he is blocked, and apparently completely. I know we have mutual friends from grad school, but ever since I blocked him, I can't see anything at all that he does. I have seen no trace of him whatsoever on FB since blocking him, so the block tool seems to work pretty well. Could I unblock him at any time? Sure. But then again, I could also pick up the phone and call him or email him or just plain write him a letter. I'm not going to, of course, but if a wayward is determined to break NC, they will, whether they have a FB account or not. My H has access to my FB account, is my FB friend, has access to my email account, cell phone records, etc. I also have access to his. I think that's a good policy in any M, whether there has been an A or not. If you have nothing to hide, why would anyone object to complete openness and honesty?

Correct, I don't trust her. But a father-child type of dynamic is a product of your imagination; every EP listed goes both ways in our relationship.

[/quote]

So you're saying that your wife gets email updates of anything YOU do on FB and she also looks at the keylogger? Also, you're saying that she's the one who dictates when you read Harley books, too? She picks the time? Some of the other things were lost in the great MB crash, but I remember you saying she wasn't happy living with your mother in her home. Was she the one who made the decision to move in? I don't want to get O/T here, but it certainly seems like a lot of her life is being dictated by you, but that she doesn't have the same kind of authority in the other direction. Wasn't meant as a bash, just an observation.
It would seem to me that if, to let someone swim in a pool, you have to equip them with a life vest, swimmy-rings for their arms, a mask and snorkel, AND a plastic bubble, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go for the swim after all. That's what it looks like you're doing to keep your W from doing inappropriate things on FB.

She has every password for everything.


We POJA'd that we'd read aloud every Sunday night at 9PM. The time arrives, we look at each other, and head downstairs. Or, if we'd rather do it later in the week, we negotiate that. Nobody dictates, and nobody ever has.

I think that's one of the reasons our relationship survived her affair: we were still in love with, and took very good care of, one another except those things surrounding this relationship with the other man. Working through Dr. Harley's "Love Busters" book has further convinced us that we were following most of his guidelines already, but minor dishonesty and independent behavior were things we had been taught were *good* for a marriage and lived that way. We're fixing that now, particularly since that minor wedge in 2 areas turned into a MAJOR wedge which drove the affair.


I was very ambivalent about purchasing my mother's home. We decided together it was the right thing to do, and we had a discussion about this just 2 weeks ago during our weekly Sunday night reading. She still thinks it was the right thing to do, but is glad my mother has moved on and finally appears to be overcoming the depression which has plagued her since her husband's death.


Since both of the examples above were inaccurate, I think it's safe to say this is, too. Ultimatums have been strictly off-limits in our relationship for seven years.



While the rest of your post was off-base, I think this is an appropriate analogy and worth thinking about. Thanks.

My H and I both have FB accounts, but he set them up so that they were private, and you have to know me to find me. I have one female FB friend who was at one time a friend of OM, but I don't know if he is anymore because H set it smehow so that even on another page I couldn't see OM, and he can't see me. As far as old flames go, to be honest, I can't think of any valid reason to be in any contact - FB or otherwise - with someone I used to date.

H has more friends than I can count, alot of them due to Mafia Wars (to feed his inner Italian!!) But we both have each others' passwords, so I could look into it whenever I want.

Unfortunately people were getting together on the internet way before FB. I think it has to be a couple's choice, or POJA.

where is this setting? I don't see that at all.

Thanks for the FV tips I kinda wish I could FB friends with some of you guys...LOL

I was anti-FB for a long time. But I was class president and am in charge of all the class reunions (big regret in life!) and 90% of my classmates are on there and I had found out they started a reunion page. So much easier to contact everyone that way than what I had to do for the last one (search for addresses, etc).

It turned out many out of state and overseas relatives were on there, and it is really nice to keep in touch with them that way.

I still maintain my position that for anyone who thinks they can innocently chat and joke with members of the opposite sex on FB...it is a ticking A-bomb. My WH has literally only logged on 3-4 times in the past year. If he was on it regularly, it would honestly cause me some anxiety.

H will never, ever have an account on fb or any other social network and has no interest in them. I created an fb account recently and had to delete a male acquaitance due to potential death by waywardness. My friend's list will be confined to family and friends of our M going forward...not worth the potential headache with others.

Chalk new member littlemountain up as another victim of facebook affairs. The numbers will continue to grow, I'm sure. We did NOT have this kind of opportunity before.
Remember, like with any crime, you need means, motive AND opportunity.
Like internet porn, facebook is giving opportunity to people who never had it before. Those with weak boundaries.

There is a middle ground between being active on Facebook and deleting your account altogether: use the block feature. By adding users to your Block List, you can't see them and they can't see you. Similarly, you can set the privacy settings as such only your approved Friends can find you through a search.

I just love FB. It lets me keep in touch with all of the kids (none of whom live in the same state as me), and other family members. If I have a great photo I post it once and all my family and friends can see it -- no need to email or snail mail everyone.

I very much enjoy the little updates, like knowing my cousin has strep Now I can send a card when without FB I'd never even have known she was ill.

I have my privacy settings so that nobody can search for me and find me.

ML has a good point, though. Blocking OP isn't enough oftentimes.

I blocked everyone that my WH used to work with...because some of them are FB friends with OW, her name was mentioned on their page, had pics of her, etc. Luckily that was a small group of people that aren't friends with any of the people WH works with now...

>Now I can send a card when without FB I'd never even have known she was ill.


OT - that is just the sweetest thing. You are so kind, TH.

I blocked an MB member who was one of my FB friends after I found out that she could be vindictive. That meant I had to block other people here with whom I wished to have contact. My piece of mind was worth it.

Flick and I both have FB accounts, we have each others passwords and are each others friends. We are even listed as married to each other. I have a heap o' MB members as friends and Flick does too, including a couple of MB guys.

We dont tend to use it alot day-to-day but the 2 times MB went down, we were able to stay in contct with and get/give support of our MB FB friends.

I mostly use it to see what my family is up to. Flick did use it when he was in the A with PQ but she is blocked and I cant remember the last time seeing him on FB triggered me.

I love my FB account and I'm a FWS. Most of my friends are from MB or my other site (SI) or real life girlfriends. I can see that FB could be used as an affair tool but mine sure ain't. lol, my favourite sites are my farm, Yoville and my cafe. My daughter is on my account and my H can look at it any time he likes.

My A was long before social networking sites, sheesh, email was not even used like it is now. People who "get involved" on FB are the people who would have got involved in an A anyway at some stage. People who have A's are naive and have no boundaries, that's going happen whether it's FB or round the water cooler. I'm smarter than that and I also take offence at comments that FWS's can't be trusted on social networking. If I can be trusted everywhere else (which I can be) I can be trusted with my boundaries on FB.

The chances of anyone from my past, apart from girlfriends, showing up trying to friend me are zero. I went to an all girl school, I don't have old male classmates. My A was with my b/f who went to another school. The chances of him showing up are zero.

To be honest, I think MB and SI have the potential to be more dangerous. People open their hearts and their lives here. People are also very vulnerable. I've said it before, MB not having Private Messaging is the most sensible decision I've ever seen. The other site DOES have Private Messaging and the stories I've heard about what goes on in Private Messaging would make your hair curl.

lol, Cinders, want me to come and harvest at your farm?

Well, I have to confess. My first boyfriend is one of my friends on FB. So is his lovely and very sweet wife. No desire to flirt or have an affair on either of our parts. Maybe a little kidding "insults" from time to time, but never anything more than a remark or two...and his wife sometimes joins in and helps me rag on him about something crazy that he posted.

Actually, during the time that I dated him, I was suffering from unrequited love for another guy. Even later, when we got back together at college and even talked about getting married, I knew in my heart that he was not the "one". He's a great guy, but definitely not for me. Just a family friend now.

Heck, he and his wife came to visit us and had supper with us once, when they were traveling on vacation. The next year, we went on vacation and spent 2 days with them showing us the sights. We didn't stay in their home because we had our camper. My husband actually likes him very much!

Mostly, I'm too busy farming on Farmtown and Farmville. Not much time for anything else on FB! LOL!

bump