It's been sooo long since I've posted. I feel like a virgin to this place but let me say... if it weren't for this site I could have committed murder on several occassions. Possibly suicide too...so let me thank everyone who has helped along the way.<P>For those who remember the story, Hey there...here's the update: <BR> I have moved out and I think it's the best thing that could have happened to us. I have peace of mind...After d-day, I was severly depressed, lost 50lbs within 2 months...up until 4 wks ago my doctor suggested prozac and zoloft... I knew it was time for me to go...Now my hair is growing back and my skin has color...<BR> My life is finding a calmness now that I hadn't had...I was obsessed with my husband , how he felt...what he might do if...<BR> He now is trying to be the husband I wanted for the past 7 years...I told him he needs to work on himself and try to become the man he really wants to be...Right now isn't the time to be trying to get back together.<BR> The side of my H that is trying to get back with me is doing everything right...the sexually addicted, sexually deviant side is happy to see me go. He hasn't invited anyone to the house since we bought it...now he's having study groups and friends over...? Go figure...is this not one extreme to the next...<BR> He wants to fight over the washer and dryer, the microwave...things he knows I need and can't afford right now. And I thought I was being civil by not going to court. Thinking we could work out a seperation maintenance plan...what I really belive is once he finds someone to fill the void we left in his life, I going to see a whole new side of my H...<BR> My question is: do I need to divorce right away or should a maintenance plan be done? For those who have been here. I guess I needed to vent also, it's been so long....<BR>

Fed up -- I separated from my H in August. At that time he was feeling so guilty I could have taken everything in the house. I didn't, but I took EVERYTHING I NEEDED, which included the microwave and w/d. I had a separation agreement drawn up outlining property settlement, spousal support, etc. In the event we reconcile, the attorney files something to void it. In the meantime, we can choose towork on the marriage or choose not to. Either way, I'm protected financially. Right now we are seeing each other, but he is transferring six hours away. He balked at a bill I gave him that he had wholeheartedly agreed to pay earlier. Things change...protect yourself legally. I'm glad I did. BTW -- I'm finally beginning to realize that separation was probably the best thing for me too. It has been VERY HARD and I'm lonely. But it is nice to be able to come home to a stress free environment.

I wouldn't divorce yet ... stay separated and give it some time. These things take time and divorce is very painful.

Hi Janie,<BR> You seem knowledgeable about the legal stuff.....can I ask you a ? I had a separation agreement drawn up in April and we have since reconciled and moved out of that state....in the event things don't work out do you know if it's still legally binding if I move back there? This is always in the back of my mind. In the event of a divorce the terms of the separation agreement were to kick in automatically (division of assets etc.) so is it all still binding.?...I like knowing I have some protection. I was so distraught that I never asked my attorney all of these things and I think he would think I'm crazy for moving out of state.....Lu

Hi fed-up,<P>I read one of your husband's posts and his profile and thought it incredible that both of you are on this site. <P>As far as your question, I think a great place to look for an answer is the Bible. I'm staying with my wife because of what 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 says to me. I'd also recommend praying about it. If he will put God first in his life and not yield to his weaknesses...<P>I will pray for you right now.

Glad to hear you are in a happy serene space. Yay for you! Finally, huh? <P>Looking good, feeling better, hair's not falling out and you're not depressed and anxious anymore - that's all good news. I'm happy for you. <P>Hang in there - and let zeke take the stupid washer/dryer and don't let him get to you. Have laundry night at a girlfriends house or maybe there's a handsome not-sexually-addicted, not-serial-cheating, non-pathologically-lying fellow at the laundromat you will meet....<P>Blessings to you.<P>

Hello fed-up, had not heard from you two for awhile and wondered how you were.<BR>Good to hear that you are getting healthy again. Not a good place to be-and your kids need you to be healthy!<BR>If you are unsure about divorce, then wait. You can always do it later. There really is no hurry if you are feeling some peace within yourself now. It is really good to hear that you are healing!! <BR>I feel for you girl. My h had a lot of the same issues as your's, but he managed to keep it hidden longer. Likely due to his travel schedule for work. Has not been real easy, but we are healing. The marriage is getting better, h is working on his issues and I am working on mine. We try to follow the mb principles and those from retrouvaille-which is still work! I am waiting for the day when it is not so much work!! <BR>Let him show you he can be the husband you want and expected. It wsa easier for me and h once I was very clear about what I needed and wanted emotionally. Seemed like he needed a road map during the intitial recovery. <BR>Need to work! (((hugs))) cl<BR>

hi fedup, i just read your post on zeke's thread. Do you really feel that he is looking for sympathy? Or is he looking for support to change? Is he looking to be a better person for you, his kids, and for himself? Or is he really being manipulative? Are other people in your life being manipulative? In my case, 'friends' thought it helpful to let me know things that happened yrs ago...but somehow the stories all started to sound like the fish stories of the 50lb bass. I found peace in keeping them from telling me anything. Heck, I knew the truth and it was plenty ugly-I sure did not need their interpretation on top of all else!! <BR>Yes, he made a lot of mistakes, rude comments, and immature behavior. Uh-huh, he is not alone. Unfortunately we are surrounded by people that do this daily. <BR>If Zeke wants it, he can do it. If you want the marriage, it can work! <BR>Does he really want the washer, or is it a way to maintain some communication with you? Maybe he is scared to give up anything more? <BR>Fed-up, I know you may think this cheeky, but while caring for yourself and your kids, try to find some compassion and care for the sick person that zeke was. Even if you never are together again, he is the father of your children, and you will have to deal with him. Wouldn't it be nicer for all of you to at least be communicative? Show the kids the important things in life. cl

Lu -- It varies from state to state. I'm in North Carolina. My agreement says in the event of reconciliation then a subsequent separation, the original contract remains in full force and effect.

Hi - I posted another thread today titled<BR>"to FED-UP" - wanted to be sure you saw it.<BR>Please respond if you can. Thanks.<BR> Simone

Fed-Up,<P>Please read what cl has written very carefully--it's exactly what I would tell you.<P>People can change and do. My H had/has a lot of issues within himself to work out and he is becoming again the man I so much admire and respect who respects me and our sons.<P>As long as Zeke continues therapy and is diligently working on his issues to become a better person, give him a chance. Only the test of time will prove whether the changes are sincere/permanent. What helps me to overcome these doubts is to ask myself, "why would my H want to go back to the way he was?" Then I know all the hard work he is putting into making things up to me and our sons and into making himself a better person is for real.<P>Zeke will always be the father of your children. Give him a chance. Give it time. That's the best advice I was given--give it time, don't make any life-changing decisions for yourself or your children without giving it plently of time.

Hi Janie,<BR> Thanks for the info....we are in NC now too!!..moved from Ky...I think I better check into it just for my own sake ...Lu