Back from Thanksgiving at my sisters. Went alone as WW and kids went to NY to visit her family.

had my consult with jennifer on Sunday eve. Went well and she gave me some steps to take, one being to draft up another plan b letter. She never saw the first but she felt I needed to clarify and emphasize the door is open. She gave me some confidence in any case.

On Thanksgiving i called my kids to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving. After i spoke with them i got a call from WW on S18s phone and I answered. WW said Happy Thanksgiving. I said thankyou, you too and hung up. WW then sent nasty text from S18s phone. Said how she was trying to make peace. I don't get it. I really don't want to make peace but I also don't want to war. What I want is my wife, marriage and family back and renewed.

Anyone have any suggestions on if I should have handled that differently?

Other than that there's been no contact with WW. At one point on Sat I was in real despair. Felt like my world was coming apart. Part of this was because i really miss my wife. I know how and why plab B works but this si the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

You're doing well. But this time--if you hear her voice, or get a text, do not reply at all, that is why you are in plan B!

Thanks Karma

BTW S18 confronted his mom about her behavior on Sat. He's been aware of things all along but he finally said something to her. What mainly broke him was that WW is now on OM #3. he asked her why she's willing to give up her marriage so she could have some fun, because that's what it looked like to him. Guess they got into it a little bit but apparently WW wasn't very sympathetic to his feelings because he said he walked away cying and she said nothing. No surprise there i guess.

Not sure if i mentioned in a previous post that she has started with OM #3. Found that out weekend before last. And yes, unbelievably she has already introduced S9&7 to him.

I don't understand how someone so loving to her kids and husband for the past 8-10 years can now be so unfeeling and disrespectful. The hurt just seems to keep on comeing in waves.

Hi everyone.

Haven't posted for a few days. Looks like there's been alot of activity. I was especially interested in FredVA's thread. our paths seem some what similar although your WW'd wife was the one to move out, but it was more about the time line. Had to do it fast. Hang in there Fred. BTW, wherein VA are you? I'm also in VA.

Been hangin in there but it's been rough. Sometimes I feel like I'm on the right path but my emotions can change rather quckly and I feel nothing but sorrow and wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

Jen took a look at the Plan B clarification letter I sent her and made some small edits but one thing I was concerned about was giving WW the link to MB. Most on this board have said it wasn't a good idea. It seems to me also she shouldn't be given it until she agrees to NC and reconciliation.

Thoughts?

Bump

Linkage to the forums is probably a bad idea until/unless she's fully on-board with recovery. Even then, my FWW is using it as an excuse to want more "privacy" right now because she wants to share on this board, which we all know is the exact opposite of the way things should be going.

Thanks BB. I think you hit the nail on the head. Just doesn't seem like the timing of that is right when in Plan B prior to recovery.

Has your FWW told you why she needs privacy on MB otherthan she wants to share on this board? Isn't transparency a major part on recovery on MB?

That would be one of my worries if I gave my WW MB link. She would use it to at least initially snoop before she would visit for any real recovery research.

Believe I'll take out the part referencing MB. Could of used a little more advice but my gut tells me to anyway.

I'm looking at also buying her out of the house. Our sepa agreement states that if the house is to be sold to a 3rd party that both must agree. However, if one of us won't agree the other has the absolute right to buy the other out. I'd like to do that if I can as my next step. Thoughts?

I put this in TTFs Christmas blues thread probably inappropriately but his first post on that thread lead me to believe it was about dealing with Christmas. I didn't read the later posts about his most recent discovery. Any feedback would be appreciated. Here's the original post.

Christmas blues is right! Last year even though WW and i were separated we spent Christmas morning and afternoon together as a family. After i left I really felt down and just depressed. It felt like it was probably the last time we would spend Christmas together.

This year I put up the tree and decs with my boys. WW has yet to put hers up. Since I'm in plan B I'm not quite sure how to approach this this year. I had let WW know that ths year the boys are with me and I plan on having them wake up at my place on Chritsmas morning. I said i didn't care what time she dropped them off on Christmas Eve but they will wake up at my place. She asked if she could spend some time with them on Christmas Day and I referred her back to the letter. No contact until...well you all know.

Problem is that now I'm having doubts about that position. I just feel aweful that the kids won't see their mom on Christmas day. I plan on buying gifts for her from the boys but i do not plan on giving her anything from me. And I'm not sure if that's the right thing to do. It feels like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place. The whole thing just leaeves me feeling anxious and saddened. How have you all delt with Christmas while in plan B?

Bump Any advice?

You are fighting to get your marriage back. Having some warm fuzzies for a few hours just because it's Christmas Day is NOT WORTH IT!

You are in Plan B. Act like it.

This is tough love, L4S. She has to hit rock bottom to realize what she's giving up. NOTHING says rock bottom like spending Christmas day ALONE - WITHOUT YOUR KIDS.

Let her suffer.

SHE made these choices. SHE has to deal with her OWN actions.

You're not talking to her, are you?

Thanks for the supporting words cat. I'm finding very hard to deal with the way I feel about the coming holidays but I know you're right. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead. NC.

Haven't spoken with her except for a call from her on Tues eve. She called from the home phone, which i don't have blocked because i want my boys to be able to contact me. Thought it was my boys so i answered. She immediately asked where S18 was because he's in college and the college he ia attending was in lock down for a shooting icident. She asked if i had spoken to him and i said I had earlier. She said i needed to unblock her phone inthe event of emergiencies like this. I asked if she had spoken to him at all and she said she had and he's fine. Blew my mind. Here she is ranting about S18s safety, wanting me to unblock my phone and knowing all along that S18 was fine. What do you think that was about? Me thinks she getting nervous. Anyway, I said "you know the way back WW and I would love nothing more than be able to talk with you once you've stopped contact. Now this conversation is over and I hung up.

Great job!

Waywards always seek every little nook and cranny to get their way back in under the big Plan B door slammed shut in their face.

Hang tough. Your kids will thank you for missing this Christmas, if it gets your family back together.

It's really getting hard to process this. Well I guess not hard just painful. I almost feel like a little communication is better than none but I know from all you good folks here that won't work.

I've been going through some of the posts these past few days and i have to tell you I'm really having doubts about WW and I getting back together. The things that go through my head are killing me. WW with OM. Not OMan but OMen. It's hard at this point in plan B. Seems when in plan B the BS goes through the same withdrawal as the WS when they have no contact. That's what it feels like to me. Going through withdrawals.

I can't help but look back and wish i had done things differently.

I got word to WW that as far as Christmas goes she can see the kids for a few hours but I won't be there and only for a few hours since this is my weekend also. She actually thought i would go shopping with her a few weeks ago and "share Christmas together" but no word on NC with OM.

I can't help but think that she's inthe middle of trying to outflank me while I'm dark. It's been difficult being as dark as i can be because i still have no IM. WW has sabatoged my attempts. I need somebody who's completely unobjective. So far the ones I've talked to have initially said OK but for one reason or another thay backed out.

I feel like I need to do something.

Broke Plan B yesterday. Found out from DS7&9 that OM3 is going to fix their go-kart. When I picked them up last night WW was outside and I told her I would pick up the go-kart tonight. She said it's already taken care of. I said OM3 doesn't need to work on their stuff. She said parts were already ordered. I asked who paid for it and she said she did. Said I'll be by tonight to pick up kart with DS18.

I know this probably seems like a small deal to her but it's a huge deal to me. OM3 has no business fixing anything for my kids. Neither him nor WW respect any boudaries.

Just feels like another kick in the teeth to me.

Back to the darkness.

I know you know this

but

'POKE'

she got you to break B by using OM3 as a catylist to do so.

The gokart is not that big of an issue though it is meaningful for you and your child. Let that slide off your back in the big picture.

So very hard to do, I know.

Now, think calming thoughts in the land of B.

By the way, I love what you said on the phone to her when caught by mistake anwswering
"you know the way back WW and I would love nothing more than be able to talk with you once you've stopped contact. Now this conversation is over and I hung up."

That is text book right on from Surviving and Affair. No love busting when in contact by chance.

I'm sorry, L4S. It feels like a kick in the teeth to me, too.

Your observation is quite correct

I'm not sure if there's a MB term for this, but it just seems to me that WW and OM3 are playing a big suck-up game to DS7&9.

I wish had I some advice to give you, but all I have to give is my sympathy and encouragement.

L4S --
Let me just say you are doing a bang up job at Plan B. Give yourself a pat on the back, so to speak.

Unfortunately, trying to stand up for marriage and family now days can be difficult. The "move on, get over it" mentality is enough to make me puke. Marriage building is not for sissys.

But it gets easier -- not necessarily better -- just easier.

And I feel for S18. I also have S18 who cried when he learned of the A. And he has absolutely no relationship with WH. My girls are a little more forgiving, but not much. This man was their hero, the best dad in the world, who turned his back on them for a twice D'd bimbo whose younger and funner and makes him feel like a teenager again.

You cannot compromise your character just to make it easier on WW. How could we live with ourselves afterwards?

And Christmas will be difficult -- this will be my first in 31 years without WH. His choice. And he will likely not see the kids on either Christmas Eve or Day -- his choice. We will do our usual thing -- mass on Christmas Eve followed by dinner IL's with all HIS siblings, nieces, nephews, aunt, uncle, etc. [Yep, he's not included in family gatherings anymore -- His choice]. Christmas will be the kids and I in the morning and spending the day with my family.

And what's missing? The guy who turned his back on everything for a POSOW. He's messed up and I'm not going to allow him to push his agenda on me and my family. And either is HIS parents.

Gather your army of supporters. You will need it in the long run. And protect your finances. I learned this last one the hard way.

Reading: Thanks for the kind words and the poke. She did the same thing with OM1 & 2. Not long after she started seeing them they were introduced to the kids. Didn't take long for kids to figure out OM1. Even though he was "kind" and "fun" it didn't take long before they started to resent him and he them (WW wasn't spending enough time with him) Poor fella! I'm back in the dark and hope to stay there. Can't help but feel she's up to something though. Lord knows what.

Fred: Clearly a suck up game. DS7&9 both know what's going on. They were two of my biggest supporters for the Plan B letter. I'm in Norther VA. You?

HH: I've been following your story and man I have to say you're one tough cookie. I'd have posted to your thread but you're miles ahead of me. Thanks for the pat and support. I pray all works out for you.

Been a while since I've posted. Holidays didn't go too bad but had a few things that happened since my last post which I'll get into later. I posted the following on the recovery forum just because I was wondering how BSs were approached by WWs when they finally got their head out of the fog. Appreciate any feedback.

Hi all.

I have a question for those in recovery.

My story is on the SAA forum but I have a question regarding indications of recovery.

I've given WW Plan B letter back in Nov and outlined how to get back to recovery but what indications did you get that your WS was turning around? Did they come out of the fog suddenly and contacted you or was it a gradual return through an occassional contact? Just wondering.