I keep my mouth shut most of the time. And weeks go by without any contact. I can't even remember the last phone conversation. The last face to face was in attorney's office in September.

There comes a time when you need to stand up for yourself and your kids. I've used my IM to death but to no avail. I'm using the attorney but it's slow go and very, very costly. D!ck shorted me the support check by half and refuses to pay the rest. And since I'm unemployed at the moment, the money is going fast. I'm maintaining our home, 3 teens, 3 cars... you get the picture.

Plan B is really a godsend in that it's helped me detach. I've taken my life back and stopped taking the blame for his actions. I do still love the pre-A D!ck...but he's no where around. This new D!ck is mean and spiteful and would walk all over me -- if I let him.

I guess it's come down to respect. It's not like he doesn't have the money to pay me the support, or he's asked for more time, he just chose to pay me less because he doesn't respect me. He keeps his own priorities up -- OW, vacations, foot massages, gambling -- but gives me the short end of the stick evey time. He's even put aside a judge's order to disrespect me. I can't continue to be a victim.

Yes, does this fuel the drama. And yes, this keeps up the "them vs. me" mentality. But it's not just "me" -- its the kids, and his parents, and his friends. He's flipping crazy at this point.

He's so far off the deep end that sometimes I just want to push him over the cliff so he hits the bottom without waiting for him to jump.

Best comeback EVER!!!!! I think it should be added to reverse-babble.

You ROCK HH!!!!!

Don't worry. The judge will not look kindly on this.

If you get a court appearance, don't do your makeup (or don't have much of it on)...look good, but tired to the judge, and about how evil D!ck will not give you enough money to support your THREE kids.

Talk to his parents again.

Maybe get one to ask why he is shorting you and HIS THREE FLIPPING (you know what work I wanted to say) KIDS.

Believe me, his parents have talked his ear off. As his dad says "It's like talking to a rock."

He says things like "oh, well" and "move on" and "get over it" so many times. And his mom has especially tried to not say anything regarding OW -- trying to focus on just our kids. How our kids don't deserve this, how she and his dad have always been there for him, how this is not the way he was treated as a teenager, etc. Of course, they cannot get thru to him.

His parents said they would testify if need be about his comments and his actions. His mother said she may just write a "deadbeat dad" sign and sit outside his bank one day. His dad made an appearance at the bank and actually said to [censored]'s secretary "You work for a bum. My son is a bum."

Nothing gets through to him so now it's a judge's turn.

And it's not like he didn't have any warning. I sent him a text about the support. Both is mom and dad called him. My attorney called his attorney. I didn't tell the kids because I don't want them to worry about it. They have enough to worry about.

I was very curt in my texts to him when I first found out about the support check. I text that he will be in contempt. That he's violating a court order. How our KIDS need this money. I even said "talk with OW. She knows that you need to pay. Even she went after XH#1 multiple times for not paying."

And I didn't make this last part up. I've looked at our county's family law data base (EVERYONE NEEDS TO DO THIS) to keep track of my court proceedings. And I've looked up all of hers too -- her two divorces, her child support hearings, her restraining order against boyfriend while she was still married to XH #2, etc. You can learn A LOT about a person by the number of times they've been to court. So she's a PROFESSIONAL in more ways than one.

And -- about this data base -- it often shows the specifics of a case. So I can see how much child and spousal support she received from XH#2, when the spousal support ended {SURPRISE, SURPRISE -- her alimony ended just 2 months before D!ck moved in for good]. I see her pattern -- marry a guy, have a kid or two, line up another guy, file for divorce and get both child and spousal support, marry next guy, have a kid, line up another guy, etc.

Only this time -- she lined up a MARRIED guy so she's on the "having to pay" side instead of the receiving side. Actually, she's still receiving because he's giving her money for whatever she needs -- just saw credit card charge for a dentist appointment yesterday.

D!ck is really a SUPPLEMENT to her other funding streams. And if D!ck doesn't deliver, she'll move on to the next guy. So D!ck is delivering with BORROWED MONEY -- on every line of credit he -- WE -- have. And if the judge doesn't see this -- heck, it's all in black and white on bank statements -- then the judge is a fool.

I worry that D!ck might plead to the judge that he's so strapped financially he can't possibly pay all the support. Interest alone on all the lines is HUGE. And his on-line gambling -- over a grand a month. I have PROOF of that in bank statements.

I need to have faith that this will all work out and just go day-to-day and be thankful for.... for.... God and his bees.

HH,

I am sure that you have plenty of evidence to show the judge. I don't think the judge is going to look too kindly on someone who walks away from their kids like that, and then ignores a court order to pay. Keep gathering your evidence and don't let him get away with this.

I think WHs like mine and yours have some level of unstableness that maybe we didn't see before. There is something wrong there, that's for sure. It scares me when I watch 48 Hours and see so many cases of murder due to infidelity.

Chai brings up a good point, HH. My WH threatened my life... took a lot of wind out of my sails. He got jail time for that, but I decided my life was more valuable than a fight over child support. I let the courts handle it.

Wow Neese, that's pretty scary. Two years ago in my neighborhood a house burned down and the mom and 4 kids died. Guess who did it? Yep, the dad. Why? You guessed it - an A. They found out that he had a girlfriend in Canada. He stabbed his wife then set the house on fire, and sadly either couldn't get the kids out or chose not to get them out. That really guaranteed that he could live happily ever after with his AP right? What are they thinking???? He later killed himself in jail.

My SIL's ex tried to run her over in the court parking lot and got arrested. Duh.

Anyway, I think that we BS's have to be careful because we are looked at the their biggest obstacle.

Great... now I can have nightmares.

But I do take my safety seriously. Just installed lock on side gate at DDs insistance. She had a dream that OW was in her bedroom trying to kill her. She even shared this dream with D!ck at their fiasco of a lunch.

I've read stories of people snapping over a little debt or an affair or a life change so I know this can happen. I'm more worried about OW doing something since she seems unstable at times. During the year of D!ck going back and forth between our house and hers, she threatened suicide, ended up in the hospital with stomach problems, had her friends call him, put her house on the market as a threat to leave town, showed up unexpectedly at an event that D!ck was attending, sent me ugly text messages, and called to brag about D!ck just leaving her house and her bed.

Her latest is telling D!ck -- who told our kids and his parents -- that I'm calling her 2-3 times a day and saying the most vile things to her. And it's not me -- or anyone I know -- if, in fact, ANYONE is calling her. My guess is that she's faking it for attention -- to get D!ck to hate me which she's doing a good job at.

She's a nut case who would probably come after me if D!ck and I ever got back together. I think that's one of the reasons D!ck doesn't come to the house to see the kids or only calls me on his work phone or stays away from me at the few kids' events he's attended.

She's one jealous B. Good for him. He went from me who was easy going, never jealous, not controlling to the exact opposite.

Hi Holy,

That's the alien remember. The real ones disappear up in the mother load ship and IF they get away from the OW, then sure as I am sitting here posting to you, they EVENTUALLY become who they once were.

Yes, they are different in many ways. But IT HAPPENS.

I hope you were able to enjoy your Thanksgiving a little bit..

Waywards are, by definition, nutcases and should not be trusted - be they the WS or the OP. The OW in my sitch ran over OWH with a pickup truck. My WXH broke into my house on a few occassions, even after the locks had been changed. Please be very, very careful.

Ha! Same with my WH. I heard a voice message from her once, and I would have never spoken to WH like that. Knowing what he is capable of, I doubt she lets him out of her sight now.

I hear ya, CL. Several weeks ago, DD was on the phone with D!ck. She was upset, younger DD was with her, and they were in the garage having a late night conversation with him outside of my earshot.

Both DDs said they could hear Bimbo shouting at D!ck to get off the phone. He yelled at her to back off since he wanted to talk with DD. Another time, when he had taken them out for ice cream, she was yelling at him on the phone. DDs were in the car and could hear her loud voice going on and on, but they couldn't hear what she was saying. He was just agreeing with her.

And the latest -- I'm afraid to post this because I've been warned about spying too much -- the "be careful because you don't know what you'll find" advice....

Well, I do check D!ck's email account that he KNOWS I can get into. And the latest --

The latest... God, I hate to say this because it's pretty brutal for me -- a full on va j j shot -- from her iphone to D!ck's email.

So sex is obviously a big thing between them. She's "sexting" him. This is the mentality I'm dealing with.

Yes, I can stop looking at the emails but I've gained valuable info. since he's left the house -- trips, financial info., email contacts. If I say anything to D!ck, the account disappears and so does my source.

I'm in full blown Plan FU mode right now so my love for him is nonexistence. I feel hate, anger and rage that these two people have destroyed my family. I KNOW all this is bad for me psychologically. I'm going to be feeling the effects of this divorce -- his affair -- his meanness -- forever. I'm beat up everyday by reliving this because a day doesn't go by that I don't devout a huge portion to thinking about it, or talking about it, or reading about it, or posting about it.

And this a rough weekend anyway for me because my Anniversary is Monday. We had our rehersal dinner the day after Thanksgiving and our wedding on Saturday.

This Thanksgiving is particulary rough on me. And now I have a picture in my brain of the main reason he left me.

You should feel better about yourself.

OH. EM. GEE!!!!!!

You should post that pic all over the interwebs! [/stupid geek voice]

Yes! Put it whereever it's legal. Or mask part of it and put it on FB or something. Along with your 'this is what he left me for' quote. Come on, be creative. He wanted you to see it. So make something good come of it.

Just looked at another thread on the Art of War. Like this quote "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

D!ck is making a terrible mistake with her. And he needs to fall badly in order to save his own soul from hell.

War is ugly. And affairs are ugly. And divorce is even uglier.
Bimbo's "photo"... I need to remind myself... is just another piece of this whole mess. No more important than a receipt or a gift or a trip.

Yep, I'd love to post all over the place -- but noone would recognize her. Well... the GUYS would since she's been around the block a time or two.

I may just stash that photo for an opportune time to SHARE with her business associates. You know... the company who's motto is empowering women with God and family first. Yeah... she's definitely the poster child for that company.

But the more I learn about Mary Kay, the more I understand her mentality. The "hide the truth" mentality... lie to convince people to buy... cut negative (honest?) people out of your life... stock up your inventory (charge to your credit card) to keep your car and your status...

She's using him like she uses women (pawns) for her company. It all fits. The "all about me" life at whatever and WHOEVER's expense.

WHAT???!!!!! Oh boy, I would certainly be tempted to forward that one to a bunch of guys and make it look like it came from D!ck. With something like "hey, for $100 I'll share this with you." Let him convince her he didn't do it. Man, these two are sick puppies to send stuff like that over the grid.


Oh yes, you are getting your ammo from this stuff so don't do anything to jeopardize it. I know it goes against Plan B guidelines, but with this guy you are going to need any ammo that you can get.


HH, many of us feel exactly the same way. I don't think it is something we will ever get over, but at least we can leave the M knowing that we did everything possible. We were just powerless to do anything else....

I know we've heard it thousands of times, but that A WILL end it will be ugly. There are just too many things against it for it to survive long term.

Are you telling your MIL/FIL about the pic?

Do you think Shutterfly will let me use it in a Christmas photo card....

From Our Privates to Yours.
Season's Greetings.
Love, D!ck and Bimbo

FIL saw the first topless photo. I didn't show him the second one and I will not subject him to the latest.

It's really Penthouse trashy.

Now... if [censored] happens to send a photo of his d!ck... well, then... his parents can see since they've seen it before.

Agree. Wish I could forward it to her kids' MySpace pages. See mommy.....