Hello all MBer's,

I have posted here before and figured that this is different enough to warrant a new topic. My WW and I are over two months past DDay and NC. I feel that while this is great I constantly wonder when SF is going to return? Since DDay it has been none existent.

My WW says that she wants to desire me like she did with the OM, but is not sure if she ever did. I know she did but with the military separating us with deployments and TDY's it has taken taken it's toll on our marriage.

She says she wants to have these feelings for me but doesn't know how to get them or if it is even possible. We went to a MC who mentioned Fake it to Make it and she did not like that idea. I understand that she doesn't want to fake feelings, that she would just rather naturally feel them for me. I'm not expecting to have SF all the time or even often but it would be nice if we could start working on it and even if it's once a month, that would be better. She is still having a hard time showing affection with me, I'm pretty much the one pursuing affection in regards to hugs and kisses.

What should I expect from a WW over two months out from NC?

Will I make things worse for recovery if I pursue SF from my wife either by asking or acting?

I have told her that I'm willing to be patient and wait for her to initiate.

Please let me know what you think.

Hi LII. Check this out. If the link doesn't work go to the MB home page and click infidelity then more. It's listed about 3/4 way down. SH says about 6 months.

How Can I recover My Sexual Desire for My Husband After My Affair?

Your patience should not be open ended. This will only encourage her control of the situation. She should not be in control. She is a cheater. An open ended agreement only makes you sacrifice your self respect and her respect for you. I would give her another two months. If she can't muster enough passion to rekindle. Dump her and find someone who will love you and only you. WW are given far to much latitude and end up hurting the BS by rejecting them leaving them worse off then DD. JMO

Ouch

I understand that patience shouldn't be open ended but I'm not sure I agree with your timeline. As long as both spouses are willing to work on recovery and NC has been maintained by the WS I don't understand putting a time limit on it within reason. SH says 6 months but I'd go further than that as long as your following MB principles. JMO.

Are you spending more than 15 hours a week together? Are you focusing on meeting her top ENs?

How long was your WW's A?

I'm in agreement with the "6 months" suggestion. I'd also suggest not trying to coerce your WW into SF with neediness, ultimatums, etc.

Her A was about two months long if you include the one month or so that they were e-mailing and I was unaware of it. The PA was about 3 weeks.

We are spending UA time together and I am doing everything to meet her top emotional needs.

We have an appointment with Steve coming up and I really look forward to what he has to offer. Our MC here on base was a waste of time. Thank you all for your insight, reading these boards has helped me so much.