Ok first off I'm 19 and I've been married for two years as of yesterday and I've been with my husband fo ra little over 3 years now in all... we have 2 sons (1 & 2 years old) and we also have a lil girl on the way. Ok here is my problem my husband is 21 but for the past year and a half he has had some type of hidden relationship going on with a 15 year old girl. Here is my biggest dilemna they are both natural liars which leads me to my reason for writing. She just had a baby 2 weeks ago and i don't know if the baby is his...she has switched her story back in forth over the last 10 months most of the time just saying that its not his but in a way i think she is just trying to protect him by not tellin gme its his baby because i will turn him in for having sex with a minor. my husband swears that he has never had sexual contact with this girl and that the baby isnt his but i dont know who to believe...the baby doesnt look like him but then agian she is white and we are black so maybe he just hasn't darkened up all the way and with all the newborn wrinkles you cant really tell what he looks like...i dont know what to do my family is saying leave because there is so much more wrong with the marriage that i dont want to get into right now. but i dont really want to walk away from him if he is telling me the truth....im so young i dont know what to do...i dont want to lose my familys support or love but i dont want to walk away from my husband if he really hasnt done anything with her.... can anyone talk to me i just need someone to give me advice

My advice is move home to your parents' house with your kids. Ask them to help you with childcare while you sign up for community college - starts in 1-1/2 months - and start taking charge of your life so you don't hand down this legacy to your children.

And take birth control. Nobody has any business having 3 kids under the age of 20. You just aren't grown up enough for it. Obviously, neither is your husband.

There's so much more?

Listen to your family. Move back home and lean on them.

They have your best interest at heart. If your H was a good guy, there is no way, they'd tell you to leave him...not when there are two...soon to be three children involved.

Parents generally want to see their grandchildren raised w/ a mommy and a daddy. They must see something that is worse than a broken home.

Number one i'm going to address one thing in this response dont ever assume that you know someone due to their age...i'm not too young to have 3 children if i've been married since i was 17 i will be 20 in a few months number two my second and third child were conceived with the use of birth control so don't assume anything... i'm more than able to care for my kids at age 19. and as far as moving home with my parents how immature is that i moved out at 17 why would i want to go back home? and also thanks for offering up the college solution *not* i started college when i was 16 just as soon as i graduated...ive been there and done that...once again not every 19 year old with kids is immature and unqualified...and ive already taken charge of my life...basically what it sounds like you are saying is "its your fault that he could have cheated thats what you get for being 19"...and just to make it clear im trying to break the tradition of handing down this legacy by possibly staying with my husband...something my parents didnt do... i appreciate your attempt to help but you were more negative than positive...

what i meant by much more is its hard for him to find a job right now he is a full time student/athlete so financially my household isn't just the best but we get by...my family doesn't like me not having money but money isn't that important to me not as important as being happy anyway...yea we argue but what 2 year young couple doesn't marriages arent a walk in the park right??? i'm still confused

You say that your H has had "some sort of hidden relationship with a 15 year old girl" for the past year and a half? Could you provide more info about the nature of this relationship? What kind of evidence do you have that this relationship may have been sexual? IMO, any relationship between a 21 year old married man with kids and a 15 year old girl would be inappropriate. If you can prove that this relationship is sexual, then it's very likely that your H could go to jail. Having sex with a minor is illegal. What sort of support system do you have set up for yourself and your children if your fears turn out to be true? Do you have a job? Could you afford to support yourself and your 3 kids if it comes to that?

If it turns out that your H has had relations with a minor, I can't imagine why you would want to stay with him. Is this the sort of man you would want raising your kids?

i wouldn't stay with him if it was sexual because i wouldnt want him raising my kids to think its okay...and as far as their hidden relationship...i know that in the beginning he was dating her but after i initially confronted him about it last october he says he stopped "dating" her.... since then all i have proof of is daily conversation through phone records and a million or so text everyday over the last year i dont have anything sexual to pin on him other than her word buy shes changed her story everytime ie ever been able to talk to her...so idk....as far as hail goes i more than support that theory if he did have sex with her and he knows i do...

So, your H was "dating" someone else while he was married to you? Where I come from, married people only date each other, and 21-year-old men don't date 15-year-old girls, whether they're married or not. Something definitely isn't right here.

Wow... if you really want help, I'd drop the defensiveness. Good for you for going straight to college, did you finish? Bet that was hard with babies.

Now... moving home is not immature. In fact, it is the choice of a mature young woman who recognizes that she needs help and wants the best for her babies. If your parents are offering, maybe you should rethink this.

Even IF your WH is not sleeping with this 15-year old, texting her all the time is not appropriate behavior for a married man-- not to dismiss the fact that she's underage. You know this.

You are EARLY into your marriage and you're already having these kinds of issues. This is not a marriage-at-all cost site. We've seen lots of marriages affected by adultery and it can be devestating to the whole family. The road back is HARD and takes WORK.

Is your WH repentent? Has he given you access to all his passwords, cell phone, emails, etc.? Is he willing to do the work to restore his marriage? Are you?

Get "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley and study it like the Bible. I think your eyes may be opened to exactly what your dealing with here.

Welcome to MB. So sorry you're going through this at such a young age.

Can you get access to his cell phone and pull the SIM card?

Get yourself a SIM card reader so that you can read the texts between them. It will show a lengthy history.

Then at least you know what you are up against. No point in trying to make big decision about your marriage until you know for sure what you are dealing with.

My best friend married at 17 and had 8 children. She IS still married, so I'm not saying you don't have a chance.

I'm saying that you are married to a man who doesn't love you - or is simply too immature to know what love really is, and hence having affairs right under your own face - and an ILLEGAL affair at that, to a minor.

I'm saying that you need time to regroup, so that you can think more clearly. Your life is a mess. Your parents may not be great, but at least they have 20 or more years of experience more than you have, and can help you guide your decisions more clearly.

If your H really loves you, and you are meant to be together, he will accept you moving home, he will finish his degree, get a real job, and THEN come and get you and his kids. If he can't even do that - and I sense you are afraid he won't - then he never really was in love, and just wanted you for sex - as most 19 year old boys do.

So, did you finish college? How do you pay bills? What kind of medical insurance do you have?

btw, if he ever gets prosecuted for rape of a minor, you may want to consider what kind of repercussions YOU will have from that, legal or otherwise. He could end up with some sort of financial damages to pay - make that for YOU to pay.

given what i've read in the news these days....

"student athlete" that says it right there.

Wow... if you really want help, I'd drop the defensiveness. Good for you for going straight to college, did you finish? Bet that was hard with babies.

Now... moving home is not immature. In fact, it is the choice of a mature young woman who recognizes that she needs help and wants the best for her babies. If your parents are offering, maybe you should rethink this.

Even IF your WH is not sleeping with this 15-year old, texting her all the time is not appropriate behavior for a married man-- not to dismiss the fact that she's underage. You know this.

You are EARLY into your marriage and you're already having these kinds of issues. This is not a marriage-at-all cost site. We've seen lots of marriages affected by adultery and it can be devestating to the whole family. The road back is HARD and takes WORK.

Is your WH repentent? Has he given you access to all his passwords, cell phone, emails, etc.? Is he willing to do the work to restore his marriage? Are you?

Get "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley and study it like the Bible. I think your eyes may be opened to exactly what your dealing with here.

Welcome to MB. So sorry you're going through this at such a young age.

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Look i only got defensive because i don't see how telling me i shouldve used birth control has anything to do with my relationship right now... and to answer your question i graduated high school at 16 so yes ive already finished my 2 years of basics haven't decided on a major so i have not went back to school yet... and no it wasnt hard with my babies because my husband has been here to help since i was 17...my parents are seperated and my mom has been remarried since i was two and shockingly my stepfather does not like me so by staying at my moms house im only going to make things worse for them...my sister already lives there with her 2 kids i dont want to add to the baggage of that home...there is enough animosity there without me...i say it is immature because i no longer have the want to be dependant on anyone...its a huge downgrade to having your own place with your own rules to moving back in with your parents. so i dont know i just don't want to go back. and yes my husband is very repentant about the whole situation and ive always had his passwwords so yea...he doesnt want me to leave

Expose your WH's affair to OW's parents.

If MY 15 year old daughter were texting/emailing/chatting/dating a 21 year old married father of three, you better believe I'd put a stop to that, and fast! Even if it meant sending her to a strict boarding school.

Now, honey...I know you are going to get pissed at my post because you are already so defensive about the responses you are getting.

However, 19 is way too young to have 3 children. At the rate you are going by the time you are 30, you will have about 15 children.

Teenagers think they have to rush into everything--including marriage and childbirth. I tried to tell my daughter (who is 24) that she should live her life first. I was just 20 when I had my daughter and my life has been spent raising one child. I couldn't imagine having 3 at that age.

So, first of all, I would leave this jerk. He is obviously lying to you. Go back to your parents' house and like another poster said--get on some birth control for goodness sake. There is really no excuse for having that many kids at your age.

I would have some sort of DNA test on this other childs child. Call a lawyer or family and children services or something. See if you can force a paternity test on this other child. Yes, he's afraid of being the father because of statuatory rape charges but I feel almost certain that he is the father of this other child.

It is up to you to get yourself out of this muck that you're in. And, you have 3 children to get out of it as well. You are obviously with a looser and I think you know that.

And, for goodness sake--stop bringing innocent lives into your chaos. It is not fair to you OR the children. There is no excuse for having that many children at your age and if you can not see that then, you do have ALOT of maturing to do.
Sorry if I've offended you but you parents shouls have taught you better. Close your legs already.

As a soon-to-be father of a daughter, I'm in total agreement. OW's daddy might come and have a little chat with WH, too. Makes me glad I've got two boys who will come back me up

I have to say, I agree with StillDawn. No 19 year old is mature enough to already have 2 children and another on the way. And believe me, I have some experience with this. I had my first child when I was only 18. I thought I was old enough and mature enough to handle it too, at the time. I know better now. It's been very tough over the years, but I've learned a lot, certainly enough to realize that few teenagers are ever as mature and grown-up as they think they are.

But that's neither here nor there. You have these babies, and now you need to do what's right for them. Being raised in a broken home isn't ideal, but neither is being raised by a father who shows no respect for their mother whatsoever. Your H is obviously not ready to take on the responsibilities of a family. Right now, you need to focus on yourself and your children. Go back to school, get that degree, and find a way to support yourself and your children. Go back home if you have to to accomplish this. It isn't a step backwards at all. It is simply realizing that you may need the help and support of your family while you finish school and get yourself to a place where you will be able to take care of yourself and your kids.

If the baby of this 15 year old girl turns out to be your H's, things could get very ugly. I can't imagine her parents will be thrilled to learn that their teenaged daughter got knocked up by a 21 year old married father of three. If I were them, I certainly would press charges. Your H could very well go to jail. He could also carry the stigma of being labeled a sex-offender for the rest of his life. If he's convicted of child molestation, having him in your home could endanger your own kids. It's quite possible they could be removed from your care by CPS.

I know you want to save your M, but both you and your H have a lot of growing up to do. What matters most right now is those kids.