I know. I really, really think it's a question that needs to be asked.

cat: it was an excellent question, i took a walk at lunch to think about it. It's hard to disconnect myself, but I guess I would say the following:

How much do you want to save the marriage? Your wife has had an affair and things will never be the same again. If there is to be any recovery it will require an extraordinary amount of work from BOTH of you. However, she is showing absolutely no interest in fixing the marriage. Do you think she will ever show interest? Waywards won't show an interest while the affair is in progress but given her actions prior to that, do you think she cares enough to make this work? If the answer is a firm no, then recovery will be impossible.

You have filed for divorce and your wife is currently intent on seeing this through. This means that you have less than 6 months until your marriage is dissolved. Your children are aware of this. Is it possible to change things between now and then?

You wife is also pregnant with the OMs baby. Are you willing to raise this child as your own should she decide she wants that? Are you ready and willing to deal with visitations from the OM for the next 18 years, if it comes to that?

IF you want to try and save your marriage then the first reality that you have to accept is that the only person you can change is YOU. You cannot change your WW, only she can do that. To that end, you need to be the best man you can possibly be by avoiding LBs wherever possible and by doing your best to meet your wife's ENs. Even if the affair continues up to the divorce you will know that you did absolutely everything you could do by being the very best man that you could be. You can't do more than that. Have you been doing this? If not, will you start, right now?

Create a loving home for your children where they want to be. Not only will this strengthen them now, but if divorce does happen, then they will have happy memories of time spent with you and they will want to make sure those good times continue even after the divorce.

-----------

So, having said all that, here would be my response:

From day one I have wanted to save the marriage. I love my wife. I love my family. I have always been committed to keeping our family together, despite an imperfect marriage. But, yes, my wife is showing absolutely no interest in saving the marriage. Even before the affair, she was feeling things were bad and was contemplating divorce. My feeling is that if she did stick around, it would be for purely financial reasons, not out of any real love. But its hard to say right now because she seems so very fogged in. In her current state, however, everything is about creating a new life with the OM.

Can I change things in 6 months? It's been three months since D-day. That means twice that amount of time until the divorce is final. A lot can happen in that time but it really feels like its out of my hands.

If my WW asked me to raise the baby, I would do it although the thought of having to potentially deal with the OM for such a long time makes me sick. If WW was committed to me and the family, however, I could do it.

I'm an engineer by personality so I want to "fix" everything. I constantly need the reminder that I can only "fix" myself. I would say I'm batting .500 here. Probably more LBs than I would like and I can up the enthusiasm when I'm around WW and kids. I can do more here.

When the A first went down, my goal was Plan A until Jan. 3rd and then move to Plan B if I could. Filing for D was probably premature but I did it for two reasons: to protect myself and my kids and because I felt I had run out of options. In hindsight, my WW had nowhere to go so there was really no need for "protection" in that sense and I had still not exhausted the "time" option of letting the affair die. It's possible that WW could have filed before me but unlikely.

I know that recovery is only possible if NC is in place. Furthermore, the NC cannot be forced, the OM and/or WW have to institute it. I have done everything I can on my end to limit contact but I cannot stop everything nor do I wish to because it would only lead to a false recovery. Right now, it seems like my only real hope is for a natural death, and that could take a lot longer than 6 mos.

So, what do I do? Other than being a better man, I don't see much else more. So much now relies upon my WW...

You're right, InD, you can only work on yourself. You can only be the best person you can be. That sounds like a great place to start. Really, we only have control over ourselves. In the end, no matter what happens, at least you will know that you tried and that you came out of this a better person.

As far as filing for D too soon, I kind of thought that all along, but I was outnumbered on here. I know a lot of good-meaning people on this site had been burned while in a similar situation and they simply didn't want to see that happen to you, and I certainly couldn't guarantee that your WW wouldn't file or try to have you thrown out of the house. It just didn't seem all that likely, considering her situation and the fact that she had no job, no money, and an OM that seems very reluctant to take on all of her extra baggage.

As far as having to accept OM into your lives if your WW should happen to change her mind, you definitely don't have to do that. If your WW would happen to snap out of this fog before the baby is born and wanted to raise this child with you, it could be done without any involvement with the OM. The OM in my case is not involved in any way. His name isn't even on the birth certificate. He could have sued for a paternity test, if he wanted, but CA favors the H in these cases, and it's very unlikely that he could have done anything about it since my H and I had already decided to raise the child together as our own.

Hang in there. Take care of yourself and your kids. This too shall come to pass.

Thanks writer, i've appreciated your calm approach. Emotions run so high in all of this that it can be hard to stay focused and maintain course. Stick around, I imagine I'm going to need your help as things progress.

As I was finishing up my last post one thing that occurred to me is that my WW has always been a severe procrastinator. She'll maintain the status quo until the bitter end and then maniacally try to finish whatever task she has delayed at the very last minute. She's definitely shown that cake eating is her "status quo" and she's going to try to keep that going as long as possible. I think that was one of my motivations for filing because it showed her that there was a definite end to all of this, one way or another. As the deadline approaches, who knows, maybe she'll wise up.

WW says OM is heading to Vegas for at least 60 days starting Thursday. Don't know how definite that is - they talk on the phone too much and avoid e-mails, so I don't know the details or if it's just a ruse. I think maybe I'll give his office a call Friday and see if he's around.

indarkness,

Just to make you question your perspective consider this. You say you like to "fix" things. Has it ever occured to you to "fix" your life. I know there are children involved and about to be another innocent child involved. But, has it occured to you that "fixing" your life would include changes within yourself AND removing a major distraction from your life...your W.

The marriage was poor before, I am sure it is partly your fault and I am sure it is partly her fault. The affair is 100% her fault, and so is the pregnancy. So "fixing" your life would seem to include you working on yourself, and getting rid of W.

How do you like that arguement? My point? You are using the "I like to fix things" crutch to avoid making decisions or sitting with the ones you have made. time to stop that and look at the data. She may come back, she may agree to keep OM out of your and your families life, she may actually fall in love with you. All of that would be good, but not enough. She would need to do the work on herself that you are doing on yourself or the same situation exists except that another poor soul has been added to the mix...the OC.

I am not encouraging you to change a thing. Nor give up hope. I am encouraging you to quit second guessing and get on with the job at hand, "fixing" your life.

God Bless,

JL

Thanks JL, yeah, this is the battle I'm in right now. Even if my WW comes around, will it be worth the battle? I just caught this post from SDCW_man:


The highlighted entries apply to my WW (the A was attempted but OM did not reciprocate). Wow!!!! Seeing it that way really brings some things home.

I have some hard questions to ask myself...

Ind,

Yes you do, and frankly I don't envy you one bit. This is tough stuff you are dealing with, but deal with it you must.

I like SDCW_man's list. It seems consistent with what I have seen here. Just remember Harley feels that more marriages could be saved if people used his approach. He does not feel that all marriages should be saved. I think that the time given to you while you tried plan A and plan B allows you to assess the very things that SDCW's is talking about.

If the situation is as he stated, then the odds get long, very long.

I wish you the best.

JL

In all fairness, I actually would qualify for 3 things on that list: Dysfunctional childhood, Dysfunctional family relations persisting in adulthood, and sexual promiscuity before marriage. Of course, the first one isn't really the wayward's fault. You can pick your friends, but not your family. Arguably, the second one isn't really within most people's control either. It might be difficult to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional family. As for the last one, oh that I could go back and change that, but it's difficult to turn the clock back 20 years.

The fact that InD's WW falls into so many of these categories is alarming. I had no idea that she attempted to have an A before but failed. I must have missed that somewhere, but that would be the biggest red flag to me. Repeat offenders are much more troublesome.

Yeah, it is a tough situation. No, not all marriages can or should be saved. In the end, InD, you are in the best position to answer whether your M falls into this category or not.

Understand that this is normal to second guess. However events could have taken a bad turn without taking legal actions. One never knows what the waywards are thinking and planning. You are in control of divorce process and can slow it down and even dismiss it if necessary.

Your WW has struck out 3 times in a short time period:

1 - Having an affair when she is a mother of 4 little ones including a toddler - by itself is unbelievable.

2 - Getting pregnant with OM.

3 - Showing no remorse and blatantly shoving the OM in your life.

It seems obvious that your WW is not playing with a full deck if she has not realized the destruction SHE has caused to so many people. The turmoil she has caused to her 5 children is beyond the pale. Give yourself a break and realize that you are not at fault.

I dont most times subscribe to the BS taking 50% of the blame in the marriage issues - you should have been treated with utmost respect whenever and whereever you go. Anyone who works to provide for his family of 4 kids and still has a SAHM wife is high on my list (in California no less). The ultimate disrespect is that she stepped out of the family to get impregnated by OM while under the privilege of not having to work outside the home. And that my friend is the crime to society and your family. She will no doubt have to receive state assistance and a substantial chunk of your pay to raise 5 children. All because she could not keep her panties up.

Remorse is when she comes back to the marriage asking for immediate forgiveness with no preconditions, adheres to your rules of reconciliation and has mascara dripping of her face because of the realization of the horror created by her actions.

Take care and know you now control how this path goes.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't she have sex with the OM in front of your littlest? You NEEDED to protect those kids, ID.

The more I read this site and see stories of success or success-in-progress the more I wonder if I played the game correctly, or if my particular circumstances made the battle almost impossible to win.

I found the MB site about 3 days after D-day and immediately put Plan A in place. It was working very well, even my WW admitted later that her feelings for me were improving, until of course, the pregnancy - and that's when things fell apart. The prospect of an OC brought my WW and the OM together in a way that I couldn't compete with. I can look back and pinpoint the exact day when what seemed like forward momentum quickly became a plummet back into the fog. And of course, it was the day she found out she was pregnant.

I don't think I've read any recent stories on the MB forums of a pregnancy during the A and I suppose that makes my situation different. I remember reading the main story in SAA and thinking "this is exactly my situation...well, except for the pregnancy." At the time it seemed like something I could move beyond if I stuck to the MB concepts. But the farther the pregnancy progresses it seems like the more the WW and OM come closer together, meanwhile driving me, and even the kids to some extent, away. It really sucks because I remember thinking how well my Plan A was going...

I bring this up because I keep vacillating between wanting to stick it out or accepting the inevitability of divorce and moving on. When I think about sticking around, eventually I come back to the question of why? What does my WW have that holds me here? When I think about moving on, the fear of the unknown and an uncertain future are paralyzing.

I took my vows seriously and when I married, I did so for life. But things were rocky from the beginning. I'm not sure if I've relayed how the marriage began. Even at the time I recognized it was a bad start.

My WW and I met when we were both 19. At the time I wasn't interested at all in marriage or anything else - I just wanted to play around. WW was fun, she adored me and I really liked being around her. I'm not sure when but as things progressed I tried to break up with her several times, only to find myself coming back around to her pleadings. Well, about 18 months in, she got pregnant (yeah...same beginning for the OM now, oh the irony). I was shocked, appalled, angry, bitter. I was 20, I had a part-time job as a waiter, made no money, lived at home - I was a bum. And here I was about to be a father. WW of course was thrilled, probably because this clinched the relationship. I was, um, not thrilled. However, it was clear that WW was going to keep the baby and I felt that the honorable thing to do, despite my misgivings, was to stick it out and raise the baby. Eventually, I agreed to marriage (at the time, cohabitation didn't bother me at all and i was in no hurry to be married) and we were married about 4 months after the baby was born.

The birth was awesome, as anyone who is a dad can attest to. It softened me up quite a bit but it didn't completely erase the bitterness. Inside, I think, there was resentment against not only my WW but also the baby. It wasn't completely conscious, sort of buried, but looking back, it was definitely real. And unfortunately, that bitterness manifested itself in ways I'm not proud of. Lots of yelling - way, way, way too many LBs. Early on, I think that my wife began erecting a wall and 5 years into the marriage, once I started making changes on my side, well, the wall was probably too thick and any attempts to tear it down, at that point, were futile. Had I realized this at the time I would have accepted my wife's requests for marriage counseling, but I was too prideful to think anything was truly wrong. So I continued moving forward, more or less blind to the wall and the state of our relationship.

I've never regretted the decision to marry my wife. She introduced me to my church and gave me four, beautiful, wonderful children. But, I always wondered whether there was someone better for me. We weren't really all that compatible. She had some substantial personality traits that I had a tough time getting past. I was never all that good at meeting her ENs. I guess the reality is that rather than willfully entering into marriage, we were thrown together, for good or otherwise. That's not the kind of solid foundation that a marriage needs.

So here I am now. I accept no blame for the A, but I certainly will take my 50% for the issues that led up to it. I bring all this up because I don't know whether or not I want to recover this marriage. Do I really want to try and repair a relationship that I went into unwillingly? Will I ever have a firm foundation? I'm not sure I will. I'm not all that sure of anything right now...

indarkness,

There have been plenty of MB members in your situation. Write1 is just one of them. If you go the pregnancy section just below this one, you find a fair number. I would solicit Pops, Autumn Day, and others to offer advice. Writer1 is offering you advice now.

The issue you really have is that while you want to fix things, you cannot. Unless and until your W decides she wants this marriage and is willing to do what it takes to protect you, then what you want does not matter. Currently with her actions, the divorce is on and in my opinion should stay on.

You don't need to worry if you should try and save this marriage right now, you cannot. She has to get OM out of her life and come back into your life. Until she does that, your decisions don't mean much.

I know you are in turmoil, but focus on your family, and your job and proceed until something changes. THEN you may get the opportunity to make a decision on saving this marriage.

God Bless,

JL

Is Runnerboy still around? He could give you good advice as well.

I was reading thru this long post and had to mention.. "The art of war?".. I agree with your tactics. cuz it is a war..

The link to the topic "The art of war" http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2279149&page=1

I stayed up for hours reading this topic from front to back. My heart goes out to you ID.
At this time I hope you have realized that your WW is no longer "IN love" with you and is with the POSOM. I don't know if she is capable or ever going to be capable of loving you. But I know that right now she is living in escapism towards OM and probably blames you that she can't be with him. Along with all the other crap she probably blames you for.

The fact that you guys didn't start off with the "perfect" situation is not what will define your success. Its what you do when you fall that defines that. It becomes a relationship with whats the right and unselfish choices you make now. Even if your WW is acting like a spoiled child.

So, if you do everything to protect your innocent children and let them know that you respect God's rules about marriage more than WW feelings, what do you lose? Can't be your WW. Shes allready going. If you want to rekindle the love you have between your WW it needs to be done in the real world and with Gods rules. It will ultimatly be her choice anyway and she will have to come before God as a child herself to do it. She like a drug addict here in this thing. Her mind is affected by emotions and her thinking is sick.
These guys know about this here and the harsh things you must do in this battle are nessessary evils. Stand strong in your convictions and God will not leave you hanging.

PSU --Is Steering you straight about being prepared.

MrWondering-- Also the same and he has quite a lot of insite on how the wayward mind works. Its a dirty fight.

Writer 1-- I just have to say that you are the exeptional WW to respond to H unconditional love. I think its because you allready were a moral realistic woman before your mistake. You also had the humility to look at what running away from your M would do to others. I certainly hope that this marriage can be reconciled and that ID and his WW can recover and rebound. But as for now his WW has no problem with crucifing him to satisfy her feelings. He needs to take as much away from her as he can and I wouldn't put anything past her and the OM.
The consideration of her being preg is that she needs medical care and its hard for hormonal women to deal with emotions? Be kind to her and never get upset or angry. Don't let her bait you into arguments and stay strong. Please don't be her dumping ground anymore. The past is the past.
It never will be the same again but that doesn't mean it can't be good again. If there is ever going to be a reconciliation it will take time. Yes there is a miracle aspect that could bring them back but she doesn't seem to believe in God right now. Well not a God that created marriage anyways. So maybe in a year or so when she has seen what life is like with her new Mr. Wonderful she will be able to start to appreciate ID. Then maybe she can start working on change and trusting God, and of course the delegated authoritys he put here to help.


ID... You quoted a verse earlier so I wanted to share this one with you. It helped me when I was left and thought all was lost.
Jer 15:15-21

15 O LORD, thou knowest: remember me, and visit me, and revenge me of my persecutors; take me not away in thy longsuffering: know that for thy sake I have suffered rebuke.

16 Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O LORD God of hosts.

17 I sat not in the assembly of the mockers, nor rejoiced; I sat alone because of thy hand: for thou hast filled me with indignation.

18 Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed? wilt thou be altogether unto me as a liar, and as waters that fail?

19 Therefore thus saith the LORD, If thou return, then will I bring thee again, and thou shalt stand before me: and if thou take forth the precious from the vile, thou shalt be as my mouth: let them return unto thee; but return not thou unto them.

20 And I will make thee unto this people a fenced brasen wall: and they shall fight against thee, but they shall not prevail against thee: for I am with thee to save thee and to deliver thee, saith the LORD.

21 And I will deliver thee out of the hand of the wicked, and I will redeem thee out of the hand of the terrible.


Stay strong for your yourself and your family. Don't be afraid to protect the innocent victims.

I am concerned that you will isolate yourself and feel defeated and I know what that road leads to. Everyone here cares about you so please keep in touch. I am glad you have people who can counsel you privatly also.
To me the road to a strong marraige will allways need the grace of God to survive. I hope that in the future you guys will have the intestinal fortitude to reconcile. The work will really start then.

There are plenty of people who are in your situation, ID. You are in no way alone in this situation.
From where I sit, I've seen too many BSs take the path of least resistance--keep plan A'ing until your brains fall out, only to watch the kids get taken away.
This is especially true for the BH's like you.
You have admitted that your wife is uneducated and that she has focussed entirely on her family up til now. Given the young ages that you were when you started, it's not surprising that she's going through this crisis.
That doesn't mean she has to dump the whole thing, though. She used to believe in her church and its tenets. She needs to go back to those now.
She's probably one of those people who has weak moral character unless guided by organized religion. In those cases, I'm all in favor of the church stepping in to help keep her on track.
None of us had perfect beginnings to our relationships. Each of us is flawed. We can look back and see where we went wrong, but we can't change the past. Only thing you can do is change the future. What can you learn from your past that will help you with your future?
And don't say your wife had no where to go, so you didn't need to file for D. She had the OM. She still does. Sure, he's getting colder feet right now, but if he knew he could have cleanly carved her away and lived on your $$, he's the kind of POS that would have helped your WW out the door.
You did what you had to do to protect YOUR children. At this point, the OC may or may not be in your life. Don't worry about that. Worry about your existing children, as they only have you to count on.
Your wife has done unimaginable things, like having sex in front of the youngest, and there will be a special place in hell for her if she doesn't get that straight.

First off, let me say that I agree with JL. You cannot work on saving your M unless/until your WW decides that she wants to. What you can do, however, is work on yourself. That way, no matter what your WW decides to do, you will come out of this a happier, more well-grounded person.

The reason my H and I are still together is because I made the decision to come back. Pure and simple. That decision was definitely influenced by the changes that I saw my H making in himself and by the love that he continued to show for me even when it seemed certain that we were moving toward D. But, it was still my decision to return and work on things and he couldn't make that decision for me. Until I committed to working on our M, the only thing he could do was focus on himself and on the kids, and that's what he did, all the while letting me know that he still cared about me deeply and really wanted to save our M.

He didn't file for D, but our situation was different. Our children were not young and custody probably wouldn't have been a huge issue. Judges are much more likely to take into consideration the wishes of the children when it comes to custody issues when the children are teenagers, and our youngest was 13 when my A began, our oldest already an adult. My H didn't really have to protect the kids the way you would with younger children. Also, the OM in my case was 3000 miles away, living in a tiny rented room because his BW had kicked him out. I guess my H didn't think it was all that likely that I would run to him, under the circumstances.

You have to do what is right for you and your children. That is all you can do for now. I know how frustrating that must be, but there is no quick and simple "fix" for this situation, and so much of it really is out of your hands.

You brought up the fact that your M got off to a rocky start. I would like to share my story with you. I'm sorry if this gets long. I've never posted some of this on this site, and I will in all likelihood publicly skewer myself here, but I just want you to know that it is never too late to make a fresh start (whether it be on your own, or with your W).

I was the product of an A. My mother was the OW. My father was Catholic, married, with three children when I was born. My mother and father's A lasted for 12 years, with my father telling my mother he intended to leave his family and marry her someday. My mother became a very bitter person. She viewed herself as the injured party in all of this. She never married, never had anymore children. I grew up feeling very unloved and unwanted. She had me to get my father to marry her and it didn't work and she never (to this day) has gotten over that.

I was a messed up teenager. I wanted desperately for someone to love me, and I went looking for that love in all the wrong ways. I decided I wanted to have a baby, because that way, I would have someone that would be mine and would love me forever. I got pregnant at 17. The father and I broke up before I even found out. When my first son was 10 months old, I met a returned missionary at a church dance that I went to with one of my LDS friends. I was taking the missionary discussions at the time and wanted to get baptized. I joined the church, started dating the returned missionary, and was pregnant within 3 months. We were in a very tumultuous relationship for two years, half living together half not, engaged at one point, separated more than we were together. During those two years, we conceived two children together. Finally, he got arrested for assault with a deadly weapon and I sent him packing for good. I found myself 21 years old, with 3 small children, still living at home, on welfare.

That's when I met my H, another returned missionary (and the boyfriend of my best friend, to boot). My friend went off on a mission and I stole her boyfriend. We dated for a year, got engaged in September, and I found out that I was pregnant once again in October. My H had a part-time job and still lived at home. We moved up the date of the wedding, got married in December, and my H moved into my grandmother's 3-bedroom home where I was living with my mom, grandma, and 3 kids. A week after our wedding my H came home from work visibly upset and told me that his ex-girlfriend (not my friend, by the way, but someone he had dated for 3 years in high school/college and been very much in love with) had showed up at his work and kissed him. He still had feelings for her. She had broken up with him just before his mission to marry a much older man to escape from an abusive home.

Thus began a EA/PA (though it never went "all the way") between my H and this ex-girlfriend that would span the first 10 years of our M. After the first kiss right after our wedding, he supposedly broke off contact with her. A year later, he confessed that he had been seeing her off and on and lying to me about it the entire time. He committed once again to not contact her, and again failed. Then, he convinced me that they were just "friends" and our family became best friends with her family. We went everywhere together, watched each other's kids, spent countless hours at each other's houses. Then, suddenly, it just stopped. We didn't hear from them anymore. I had no idea why, until 6 months later, my H confessed that the A had started up again and had gotten physical and almost gone "all the way," which had scared him so bad that he finally stopped all communications with her. When I found out about all of this, he'd already gone through a church court and been disfellowshipped and no one had even bothered to tell me.

I didn't know anything about R a M at that point. He said he never wanted to see the OW again and I decided to give him another chance and we just brushed that whole 10 years under the rug and carried on. But I never really got over it. I believed that my H stayed only because he finally realized that the OW wasn't going to leave her H for him. She was very materialistic and her H made way more money than my H. We fought all the time. I became very independently minded, going back to school, focusing all of my energy on my kids and on earning my master's degree. It was in my master's program that I met the OM and started my A.

So, not only did my M get off to the most rocky start imaginable, but so did my entire life. That list you posted earlier from SDWC Man, I think, bites me to the very core. Often, when I look back at my own story, I think how easy it would be to just give up and accept the fact that I am a broken person. But ultimately, I can't do that. This is my life and it is the only one that I have, so I have to make the best of it. I can't do anything about the mistakes I made in the past, but I can refuse to lie down and allow them to consume me.

We all have a past. It's what we take with us from that past, what we learn from it, and what we do with that knowledge and wisdom, that truly matters in the end. You can beat yourself up over the mistakes of the past until you are an emotionally bloody pulp, but what good would that do? Was your M a perfect match made in Heaven? Perhaps not. Were you the perfect H? Probably not, since no one is perfect. But, your WW's A was not your fault. She made the choices that she made. And she is still making choices today, choices you can't do anything about. You can let her know that you love her, that you care about her, that you're concerned about her, but in the end, she has her free agency, and no one can take that away.

The only person anyone really has control over is themselves. I really hope that the fog clears for your WW eventually. I hope you get a chance to R your M. But, for now, take care of yourself, take care of your kids, focus on what you can control - YOU - and leave the rest in the hands of God.

writer: you are awesome. I constantly have to remind myself that no matter how bad I think my situation is, there are others now, in the past, and in the future that have had or will have it worse, possibly much worse. Life dealt you a tough hand and it sounds like you've worked through it. I commend you for where you are today.

The refiner's fire is a tough one to endure. Thanks so much for all your support.

See, if anything, my story is always good for making others realize that they could be way more screwed up than they are. It's good to have a purpose in life.

Hang in there InD.

Writer: What an awesome story of redemtion and victory. It brought tears to my eyes. Very inspirational.

ID remember that this is a battle going on in your WW mind. You keep the faith and love her in spirit and truth. Remain calm and confident and the truth will win out.

I have allways been strenghtend by this --
"Trust God for the consequences of your obediance"

With all of the excellent counsel here I will just follow the thread and will let the people who allready are counselling take care of you.
Peace brother