So here I am stuck.
About 5 years ago I was in an affair that had lasted 2 years. When my wife found out she was devistated. She was currently pregnant with our middle child. I ended the affair and we got to work. It took about 2 years to get to a good place with my wife. we had both worked very hard and she eventually forgave me and it has been bliss ever since. Well at leasts until two months ago. It started out harmless with a meet up for lunch with a girl from high school and her sister. She lives in Or and I live in Ca. we started texting on a regular basis. That turned into sexting, exchanging nude photos and the occasional phone conversation. We never atually met in private or had any physical contact. Wait I am being honest so I did give her a hug and a kiss when we departed our lunch.

Two days ago my wife found some pitures that she had sent me. So here I am. My wife told me to hit the road, start looking for a place of my own. Reminding me of what she had said after the 1st affair. "if you do it again I am done, no second chances".

My question is: is it really true that once a cheater always a cheater? Am I doomed? I do not want to divorce!! I love my wife dearly, so why did I do this again. What made me think that i could get away with this. I am very ashamed and can;t even talk to my now 3 beutiful girls without loosing it. Of course my wife is pissed. Syas she has already made dates to go and have sex with men from work, and has scheduled two nights away this week. My heart aches just thinking about that. Why should i feel that way, when i was the the one who cheated?

I can hardly get this out i am so upset with myself. is there a chance for me to save the marraige again or is it over. She wont even talk to me. Should I just leave her alone for awhile? I have been sleeping on the couch. Should I leave the house? I am afraid that will not help. I don't know what to do. Do I have a chance?

Desprate!

It sounds like she is planning on having a revenge affair. These are no better than the affairs that you had.

You must protect your marriage, fill ENs, etc, etc.

Vets, I leave this to you

I almost feel like I could live with that. I just want to save my marraige and figure out how I can keep from straying.

huh? You act like cheating is something that just "happened" to you, like cancer. Cheating is not something that happens to you, it is a CHOICE. And you have CHOSEN to do it twice. You engaged in risky behavior again, and here you are again. That is about like asking:

"are people who play chicken just doomed to get hit by cars???"

If you don't get your [censored] out of the road, the answer will always be YES.


She told you the time before that there would be no second chances, so I would do the decent thing and get moving.

I am sorry that I did not make myself clear. I know that i made a choice, a wrong one at that. I want to make the right choice and save my marraige. So you can choose to beat the hell out of me, or give me advice.

So far what I am hearing from you is that I don't stand a chance. I cant be the first idiot to be so stupid.

These lines here, I'm having trouble with them being written by a guy.
Just can't see it.



Could be wrong,

been wrong before,

will be wrong again at some point.

ArtU
When you choose a behavior you choose the consequence. Losing your W and family is the consequence you chose. You are a liar because if you're M was so blissful you wouldn't have engaged with OW. You can't be trusted and your BS won't believe anything coming from your mouth. You need to support your BS decisions whatever those decisions may be.

Gg

You can read this article but if your W doesn't want recovery...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5065_qa.html

Well ok it seems that I am going to get nothing but abuse here.

Are you the women with the open heart, or was that just something you read somewhere/

I am hurting I know i messed up,AGAIN!!!! I just want help!

I did give you advice: get moving! She told you she would end the marriage if you did it again. You did it again knowing this. This was your choice.

No one here can "beat the hell out of" you anymore than you have beaten the hell out of your wife. TWICE. There is nothing we could possibly say that would come close to that abuse, so please lose the self pity.

Self pity is not going to get you anywhere. I am sure it is as REPULSIVE to your victim, as it is to us. So, if you want to have a chance with her, you might want to knock that off.

It is especially disgusting coming from a man.

ArtU,

How old are you?

Advice is what you WERE given..... nobody is beating on you..... YET.


No, you're not the first idiot.

If your wife has asked you to leave then the best thing you can do for her state of mind is to leave. You can show your desire to recover the marriage after you have gone. If she is interested in recovering what's left of the mess you've created, she will tell you.

You CAN read Dr. Harley's materials and begin to work Plan A. You can demonstrate your desires and Plan A, but that's about all you're going to be able to do. In the short term, leaving as she has requested may improve your chances of a recovery.

Personally, I don't think you'll have it in you to do Plan A, but we'll see!!!!

I apologize to the rest of you, I misread the first post.

Move out and give your wife what she wants.

You have a chance, still, but this will be HARD.

You have nothing to cry about. You CHOSE THIS PATH. You went into this with eyes wide open. You ran out in front of a car and are crying because you got hit.

So why are you crying?

You have no idea how open my heart is.

If you are truly a person looking for help after destroying your family for a second time,
I won't hesitate to apologize to you for doubting your intentions.

If you are posting to get a sick and twisted thrill out of the most hurtful and damaging act that can happen in a marriage, in a family
..... shame on you.

Point well taken.

I am the guy willing to work. I made my bed!

This is my fault, I have to work for it and will put it together. PLan A here I come.

I made the horrible choice to cheat on my Husband over 3 years ago. The only reason we are still married is because I was able to fully grasp what I did, how awful it was, and that it was 100% my fault. And I was no saint. I actually LIED to this board in the beginning. If anyone was going to get beaten....No beating, but they do tell the truth. The truth is one of the ultimate anti-affair treatments. Healing never occurs without it.

In this case, with your W possibly considering some conquests of her own, I don't know what you should do. RA's will not help anyone. But if she has stated clearly that she wants you to leave, and if it was understood that another trip around this block means goodbye, you may have no choice but to oblige her.

Read everything you can here - everything. And buy Surviving an Affair. And grow thick skin and listening ears so you can hear allof the great STRAIGHT advice yo'll get here.

I am sorry for snapping. I know this is my issue and my fault as stated.

I guess I was just looking for a glimps of hope even though i was in the wrong. I think I see it with eyes wide open. but her anger is well deserved, so i will start working and see if I can get there from here.

For those that question my integrity in my post, I understand. I have to earn it!

The truth hurts I know I can see it in my wifes eyes. I hate seeing that in her.

I am not looking for a pitty party go ahead and give it to me "straight"!