38

To what depth of devastation do you think you're BS is feeling right now? Put yourself in her shoes to answer this question (honestly).

Gg

Art, the first thing you can do is lose the self pity. You are in this position BY CHOICE; your wife is not. You did this ON PURPOSE.

So when you carry on about how "hurt" you are while your VICTIM lies bleeding on the floor, it is clear you are only upset at the prospect of having to face the consequences of YOUR CHOICES. That is cute when you are a teenage gurl, but very unappealing in a grown man. It is downright disgusting.

So, instead of focusing on your "pain" [which is completely deserved] you might be better off if you focus on the pain of your VICTIM. Otherwise, she shouldn't give you the time of day.

The real question should not be "how do you get your wife back" but is it in your wife's best interest to bother with you?

I have not seen anything that would lead me to believe it is in her best interest to continue a marriage with you. You are UNSAFE as a marriage partner. Why should she even consider a marriage with you?

She feels that I have abandon her and our girls. I guess i can not be fully honest because I believe that she ahs never been unfaithful to me. I can tell you that when she tells me that she is going out to look for other men to make her happy my stomach drops. I ma sure that I should multiply that feeling 100 times. I feel disrespect when she says all the mean things that she says so i am sure that she feels the same way 100 times over.

I guess I dont' really know. does that make me selfish? How can I find out how she is really feeling? At this point the only way that i can converse with her is by text. We are in the same part of the house and she just sent me a text.
"Looking for answers on the internet won't work. You should have already known the answer!!"
She is right. I did know the answer and chose to ignore my instinct.

Sorry for getting off topic.
Bottom line is that i don't really know how she feels.

You have lost your wife's trust. You have destroyed her twice now.

Would you take you back?

Do what you can to fulfill her ENs, but if she does not want you, she does not want you.

She already told you.

Good question. I don't know, I guess not.

It is an ugly reflection but one you must face if you truly want change.

Gg

I am ready to face the truth, no matter how ugly it is. I know that I want change. I will do anything for it. I did "f" my family. I was capable, and I am capable of working to make what ever changes I have to.

You worked on M first time A and by your definition the M was blissful - what's different with working on M this time?

Gg

You could try asking her to come on here. It's probably a long shot, but you could try. There are a lot of people on this site who could offer her support and advice at least.

Of course, if she told you after the first time that if it ever happened again she was done, then you knew what was going to happen when you started all this. She made the consequences very clear, and apparently, you either didn't believe her or simply didn't care.

My H had a long term EA and then I had a EA/PA three years later. We are now in recovery, finally. However, we're both very clear on the fact that, if it happens again, that's it, it's over. I know I just would never go through something like that again. It is your W's prerogative to end this M if she so chooses. I hope, for her sake, that she doesn't have a revenge A. That's about the worst thing she could do right now, and she will likely lose all respect for herself. Perhaps it's a good idea to send her over here just to prevent something like that. Going out and having meaningless sex just to get back at someone is an extremely horrible idea.

Writer
I think timing is important. The BS asked him to move out - I don't think she is going to want to hear anything from him on marriage building. If Art is going to recommend this site he needs to think it through because coming from him to her - it's going to be meaningless. Just my opinion - she's very angry right now.

Gg

I don't want this to come off as an excuse, I am still the one at fault here. After the 1st a and the true healing started, my wife and I communicate on a daily basis about things other than the kids and life stuff. we talked to eachother about dreams and what we wanted out of life and what we wanted to do together. We spent a lot of private time together. In the last year that has slowly deminished. There have been a few time that we really conencted. I let the other women fill that void. this is shamful. I know that i should have talked to my wife. I made the wrong choice. I really don't have an excuse. I like what the other girls was saying and let it get the best of me. I knew better.

Did you go to MC first time or you both worked on your M on your own?

Gg

Here's a letter to WS from another WS...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=010715

I was more hoping that she would come on this site for her sake, to get some support. I know it's a M building site, but there are a lot of people on here who have not chosen to R their M's too. I think she just could use someone to talk to right now who understands what she's going through. I realize she probably won't take the suggestions from him well, and that's unfortunate.

Yes we did. We even went to a Marriage builders confrence. Man I am making myself look more and more stupid with every answer.

So your W knows about MB? Then she should definitely come here for support. There are people who can help her get through this whether she decides to work on the M or goes Plan D.

If you attended that seminar then you have had access to Dr. Harley this whole time.
Why have you not used this valuable resource ???


ArtU, your latest posts, don't sound anything like your posts on the first page.
It's like 2 different people, and your attitude changed .. rather quick.
What gives?

Plan A is for the BETRAYED spouse