As far as the kissing, I think everybody develops their own approach. Mine was the drive-by. I'd be there and gone before he had a chance to react, and especially to reject. Done flirtatiously and quickly, with no expectation (which he would see as pressure) to reciprocate, it worked great for me.

Well, I was ready to Plan A like crazy. The kids and I decorated the house for Xmas. I made dinner and it was ready as soon as he walked in the door. I made sure I did my hair up nice and got into my asset showing PJ's. I stuck the smile on, showed concern when he said that his back was sore, played with the kids and moved his stuff back in to the room.

Then about an hour after he came home he said he was going upstairs to watch the game and the kids followed leaving me alone and stumped as to what to do. I was throwing a little pitty party thinking that I hadn't done enuff and now it was too late. That's when a friend called.

She's one of those no none sense kinda girls and I told her what I was feeling like and she said that maybe I should write myself the reasons I want to save my M so when I feel like this I can remember what I want in the end. It's funny for her to say that because she also says if it were her he'd have been gone long ago. This is what friends are for I guess, to give you a kick in the pants when you need it.

The kids came down just now and said "Mommy can you tuck us in? Daddy fell asleep." So all the pity party was for nothing he had just been tired. I guess that's why I should wait to react to things until I have all of the details.

On another note, i did text message him but I noticed his phone was at home charging. I decided I would write him an email too. I was sitting here when he got it and I am not even sure he read it. I will keep trying I am not giving up that easily.

When you have such peaceful opportunities, pamper yourself.

His on-again off-again behavior is actually a good thing. It shows he's in a state of conflict, which is miles better than a state of withdrawal. (See Dr. H's articles on the 3 states of intimacy, or something like that. Withdrawal, Conflict, and Intimacy. Though not speaking specifically of A's, it's good info.)

Sounds like you had a good Plan A evening. The main point is not whether or not he chooses to enjoy it with you, although it's nice if he does. The point is to show him what he is and will be missing by separating himself from you and the kids.

Great job!

What yummy dish can you cook for supper tomorrow?

Good advice. I am thinking about dinner 2morrow and I was gonna try a new recipe. Fingers Crossed it doesn't cause food poisoning hehehehehe.

Roller coaster ride of emotions is not fun but I need to get through this to make it I guess.

My work sitch and Plan B letter draft are done as well as IM in place. WOW I accomplished a lot for my Plans today.

I contacted a lawyer to find out what I have to do.

Can anyone suggest as an addendum what it is that I am supposed to write about what I need him to do before he can break the NC with me? I know I have to tell him that he has to end his affair and have NC with her FOREVER. He would have to no longer work where he does now (unless she leaves first). He would have to WANT to work on the marriage. Anything else?

I would quantify the WANT to work on the marriage bit. Counseling with the Harleys? Marriage Builders weekend with one year followup?

Your PBL doesn't have to contain every single boundary you're going to need. The details can come later.

There are some good (short!) sample PBL's you can look at and draw from. Also, feel free to post your letter here for advice.

Neak's right about this. Chances are most of the time he WON'T enjoy whatever Plan A stuff you do, because what you are doing in causing him conflict. Some of my best direct hits during Plan A left my WH confused, annoyed, and sometimes even PO'ed. Why??? Because he knew he was screwing up MAJORLY!!!....

Also, as far as the daycare sitch, you could always look for a new job. One that you could bring your kids to, like a daycare center, or the YMCA, or a city community center. Commmunity college's also have daycare centers for their students. They pay you AND you can bring your kids with you on the job....

Also, look into some employment that daycare is a perk. I know Bank of America pays for their employee's daycare.....

just a suggestion....

(and yes, open your own bank account now and start siphoning money into it.....and apply for a CC anyway...even if you do have bad credit, you may get one with a low balance, but you need to build up that credit somehow....)


not2fun

Well, let's catch up on what happened today (again since he came downstairs and I had to close my other window).

First, around 430pm today he called me from work and I said "Hello". He said "I know you are....Hello?" and i said again "Hello" and he said "Who is this?" I said "It's me. Did you dial the wrong number?" It seemed like maybe he checked for a second. Then he said "Hello?" and I said "Hi is there something wrong with the phone?" He said "No, you just didn't sound like you. Maybe it's just the phone." I said "Well, I am in the kitchen and it is echoing." He said "Yea, maybe that's it. So did the boys go to school ok?" I said "Yea and they had a great day" He said "OK well that's ALL that I called for" and I said "OK Bye" I think it threw him off because I believe he was actually trying to call OW and dialed home by mistake.

He got home and was acting a bit like himself though. Then he commented on how I cleaned the house really well today so who helped? I told him I was just energetic. Then he asked "So who did you have over then?" I said "What do you mean?" He didn't answer and then I said "I believe in a marriage that only has 2 people, your dinner is in the oven"

He spent a couple of hours down here and I made sure to put on my SHOW. I played and joked with the kids. And when he played with the kids he looked at me too. I made sure I was smiling and that I laughed out loud. Then a couple of times I caught him looking at me. I think he got uncomfortable with his feelings because then he decided he was going to go to bed to watch the rest of the hockey game.

That was where we were at until he came downstairs and I was typing away and closed it. He looked at my screen on the way by but it was on facebook. As long as you all are telling me that I am doing the right things and I should expect this out of him and they are good signs then I have HOPE.

On another note. I faxed another exposure letter to his work with the additional info on the fact that he took OW and her daughter with him on a training trip. I also certified mailed the new letter to the same 4 people again. OW let that one slip.

I am working on finding OW mother and brother but I have to wait until my friend talkes to a fellow coworker of theirs on Saturday.

Yep, you're doing good! I also think you're right and he was trying to call her. Those poor widdle aliens get SO CONFUSED when they try to juggle too many mens or womens! You handled that superbly, as well.

This is going to get exhausting for him as he continues his juggling game. Let home be his refuge, and the OW the one harping at him for not spending enough time with her, and being jealous of you, nagging him about stuff, etc.

Be prepared for some major bumps in the road when they find out about the exposure. He will probably say he's done, that he was just thinking about picking you, and now he's not and you're horrible besides! Ride it out - when he's in his right mind he'll see things differently.

Keep it up!

I don't want to hijack this thread, but the topic fits...

I installed a keylogger on the WW's laptop. Now that we're in Plan B and she's taken her computer with her, should I stop spying on her, or is it still "fair" to see what her frame of mind is?

Plan B means NO CONTACT. You are NOT to know anything she is doing, not even blowing her nose. Plan B is for YOU to stop thinking about HER.

Scotland,

Just wanted to say you're doing great!

Keep it up!

Got it. Loud and clear. Thank you, ma'am!

Fred, the goal of Plan B is for you to have time for you to preserve what love you have left for your spouse by being completely free of the drama.

What do you think is the answer?

Catperson beat you to it, Barnboy. I'm very good at following "suggestions.:

Dark is dark. No more snooping.

Thanx for the encouragement.....Spending another day getting my ducks in a row

Well, I am a little angry but not really surprised. He has now made it so I can no longer access Ebay Account, Paypal and his credit card (which he always said that is OURS).

I tried to buy a camera because our camera doesn't charge anymore. Well I guess he showed me.

Oh well I am gonna just have to learn from this what else he is going to do. Wow these Aliens sure are WAY different from the people we think we knew.

Don't stress the small stuff. Just make your own path around his obstacles.

Fred, when it comes time for R, you'll want to use the keylogger again, so don't use it, but don't give it up, either.

Scotland, he doesn't have the ability to take the money out of your bank accounts without your permission, does he?

Neak, thanx I was just a little upset because I was trying to buy a camera as we had already agreed I could get a new one. Then I was turned down.

Oh well, I think it is because I used his credit card to get the key logger and pay for intelius (which BTW was USELESS).

Going to do some more cleaning up now and at least I have a bit of a break because I go to work tonight wooooohooooo