She may already have another phone you don't know about.

How closely are your finances tied together? I would say to cancel the account, making it clear that you will not aid her A financially. Yes, that may limit your ability to snoop on her Blackberry, but remember that she may have another phone already.

I'm sorry if I missed this, but have you exposed this A? You need to expose immediately, if you haven't done so already. All household finances need to be secured in some way so that she is not able to use them to finance the A. I know you can't do much about the money she earns, but you CAN cancel credit cards in your names, or at least lower the limits to the balance currently on them. Close checking accounts if you can do so. If not, write a check to clear out any excess cash and open another account in your name only. Same with savings, etc.

Some of the glow of the A will quickly wear off when the reality of money comes into the picture.

I have control over all the bank accounts; the only way for her to get extra money is to ask for it. I have looked for a throw away phone but have not been able to find one, in fact I searched her car this morning. She is probably keeping it at work. I am going to have a talk with her boss soon to see how much he knows. He just went through an ugly divorce and would probably help me out if he knows anything. I have not exposed her to her family yet. I don't know what I am waiting for, courage I guess. If anybody out there has an extra spine I could borrow please let me know.

Good. Keep snooping and EXPOSE to her employer. I wish I could send you some courage, if that is what you need. I wish I had a nickel for every betrayed spouse on this site who said that snooping and exposure were the things that ended the A. And I could just cry in frustration for the BS who existed in fear of their spouse's reaction, and allowed the A to flourish because of it.

I know, and I guess anyone who has ever been through this type thing knows that eventually you have to stand up for yourself. My day is coming soon.
As a side note; I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a copy of �His Needs, Her Needs� last night. I haven�t got into it yet. Maybe I can read some this evening.

TTF, I'm late to this thread, but one thing that has been pointed out to me is that even though the OM may be a POS, he's not the one to blame. The fault lies with your WW and with you for possibly not providing her with the EN she sought.

I suggest reading Four Rules to Guide Marital Recovery.

It may be too early for you to focus on that, but in my opinion, you have to get past the anger before you can even hope to begin recovery (yours or your M's).

You need to be punching in two faces at the same time, but alas that wouldn't do much, but it would make you feel better I think.

For me her FIVE A's were over 20 years ago and I STILL want to punch in five different dudes faces, and one womans. If it were going on now I don't know what I'd really do.

For me, I'm of the opinion that God/Nature has done a far better job on the OM than I ever could. After he recovers from his prostate cancer surgery, he's going to need more than love to get the hydraulics working again.

I would cancel the phone. Hindsight on my part of just how much went on with the cell phone. If not going to cancel, I also found some great links on here (much too late for me) as to things to do to *bug* that phone and find everything (don't remember who posted it, but google Simms Card Reader).

I did expose my WH to his family, and he was furious! It was a smart move, though I endured some major emotional/verbal abuse over it, I wouldn't change a thing in doing that. It took away his ability to put on that angel act (barf), and pretend like he was such a good guy. His family looked down on him, felt for me, and it gave me extra eyes to watch out for anything he might be doing.

You're right Fred, I would call that Karma as well.

TTF
I am a BW, BH in EA for at least 4-5 months, 2 months before DD in April 09, contact every day via computer, phone and everyday in person until she got let go end of April.

I knew her, met her many times, OW is 24, i am 47, he is 45. I thought of her like a daughter. When I found out about this i actually was scared for her, concerned for her, she was so young. Begged my WH to look at what he was doing, her marriage being only 1 year old, ours was going on 25.

Well, after months of her pursuing him, not ending contact, telling him they did nothing wrong cuz they never had sex, just talked about it, admitted they wanted each other blah, blah, blah. i can tell you not only did i lose any respect, feelings of concern, like for her. i wanted to ruin her little life, like mine had been ruined. I wanted everyone who loved her to know what she had been a part of, wanted her to lose everything dear to her. my WH actually said to me once, the reason it never progressed was that she couldn't do that to you, she really likes you. are you kidding me? I have a husband who says he loves me, and a friend who likes me so much she wanted to sleep with my husband. This kind of love is gonna kill me!

I can tell you i had more that one fantasy of ruinging her life in every way, i figured she is young, she'll have a long time to deal with this and get over it. She is absolutly stunning, alot of people on this site will tell you most affairs affair down, not mine. he picked a J Lo look alike, i thought of ripping her long black hair out of her beautiful head, knocking her perfect white teeth down her lovley dark throat. pummelling her long beautiful legs and ripping her arms of her supple and young body. how's that for anger?

didn't do any of it. decided to plan A my A** off and love my husband back to me. let her ruin someones else's marriage, or better yet, let someone else ruin hers!

Take it from an expert on anger:

You either divorce your wife, or you wait it out. Plain and simple. You can work out until you drop from exhaustion, but the anger isn't going anywhere.

My severe anger stage lasted about 2.5 years.

I�m trying to decide whether now, before Christmas, is the best time to drop the hammer on my WW. I�m going to confront her about her EA and ask her if she�s willing to talk with someone, possibly a Christian counselor, about saving our family. If she does not agree to talk then I am going to cut off her phone and expose her to our daughter. I know she could get a Pay-as-you-go, if she doesn�t have one already, but I doubt she could afford to talk very much, especially over-seas.
I�m also going to tell her if she decides to leave the family she will have to do so without our little girl. We are not the ones to blame, if my wife wants to leave our home and destroy our family, I think she should have to do it alone.
My only dilemma is possibly ruining Christmas for my daughter. Any thoughts?