Krazy

I'm with you on this one my friend. The only reason I wasnt that scared is because my wayward tendencies were clowding those feelings. I was thinking of all the strange I was about to get...Reading your posts on here also convinced me I could never stay...DUDE

True, but why would anyone want such a car over a new one with no history of trouble? Because the seat is indented with the shape of their butt? LOL

I think this depends on how "SACRED" one views marriage. If its absolute, its absolute and once the vows are broken, the marriage has ended at the time of Infidelity, not at the time of divorce...DUDE

The delusion would be thinking a marriage or a single life �untouched by infidelity� is possible for you, me, or anyone else that is a WS or a BS. We will carry our betrayal into reconciling or into another marriage regardless of how hard we try to wash the stain out. The betrayal will impact and influence the decisions and expectations in our marriages to some degree, whether we reconcile or separate or divorce or marry another. However, this doesn�t mean we are now an inferior (lesser) person. I would say to the contrary, that we can be a greater person. Nor does this mean we will have an inferior (lesser) marriage. Again, I would say to the contrary, one of greater value is possible.

I disagree. The betrayal can be shaken off over time. Its the waywardness that is forever stained a person's soul. A piece of a person is broken off when they go wayward forever. All you have in your life is your name and your integrity and once you lose that YIKES! When my fwxw confessed, the second thing I said to her was "i'm glad it was you and not me!" I stand by that statement even today. I'd far rather be the BS than the WS.(I know, RA, blah blah blah, but you get my point!) DUDE

I don't think it necessarily comes down to how sacred a person views marriage but it is maybe a component. A husband and wife share vows unlike other realtionships. However, if I were to do harm to my child, sibling or parent (even through neglect) I would have damaged my relationship with him/her. It will never be the same. While I did not take a vow to other family members, I still view it as as duty to do no harm and even sacred in a sense. People screw up, some more than others. H screwed up royally and he can never undo his A but I'm still looking forward to a happy life with him. If he fails me again in a big way (and it doesn't have to be cheating) I have no problem walking. That said, I still would not be looking to marry anyone again. That could change with time, but that's where I stand now and am fine with it.

IMO, no, this is not a sign of healing.

This whole thread is certainly WW thinking, selfish and self important.
It is inhumane to think that once something is broken there is no perfect rapair. duh.
As a mother, I have failed my children. EVERY PARENT HAS. Does that mean our relationship is "fractured" forever? Heeelll no. As a daughter to my mother and sister (oh boy as a sister!) I have never been perfect. I have done selfish things. Lost my temper. Disapointed my family. WE ALL HAVE.

So that means those relatioships can never be "perfect" by your standards?!?

My teenage daughter has failed me, many times. She does not treat her sister worth a PHHHHHT. Does that mean she is some way deficient>sp? to you? How did you grow up?? Immaculate>sp? (boy I need a dictionary!) adulthood????

How childish and little your world must be to think that this is the case. Did you reject the birthday cupcake that got dented in the frosting in transit to the party? Was that somehow less of a cupcake, man?

We are not gods, it is in our nature to do what is in our own intrest, and inevidably>sp? we will. I assure you of that. Any fool, at first glean, can think that it will never be the same, but you are only typecasting yourself.

Your children will cuss. Steal candy bars. break windows. Cuss at YOU! Even, sometimes as adults or people who should know better. Your parents are not perfect, never was, never will be. Grandma drinks whiskey. I could go on and on.

Cut the 'friggin xwoman some slack already. Let her find a man who will not forever consider her damaged goods. You children can see this you know.

<No, I am not a WW>. BTW -Dude you never answered... is Xwifey O.K. with this?

I call it cake eating because you are doing exactly what a wayward does...

playing husband/daddy-in-the-home when the mood strikes
and
playing single man playing whoever when the mood strikes

That's not the same as a single man dating/sleeping around.

TJ

>Cuss at YOU!

Not if they value their lives.

End TJ.

right on SMB

>BTW -Dude you never answered... is Xwifey O.K. with this?

He also never answered if he weren't to remarry, if he'd ever trust his ex but still SO with important DNR, and final wishes responsibilities.

I settled for a recovered marriage and a family restored.

You settled for a divorce and a family unrestored.

You settled just as much as any of us who chose recovery. You just settled for something different.

And no, I did not recover out of fear. I was waaayyy past fear. I recovered because it was the best case scenario for me, my children, and my husband. We seven are ALL better off with what we have today than what we would have had divorced. But yes, the BEST OPTION is no longer on the table...our family untouched by infidelity.

>We don't get perfect anymore

We didn't get perfect in the first place.

No one is guarenteed "perfect"...and anyone who is selling perfection is lying.

>our family untouched by infidelity.

All families are touched by something. All of them. What is the true telling of those families is how they handled that "something."

I think you've inadvertently made a point of mine from an earlier post. Infidelity is just a mistake, a failure, an error of judgement, a broken promise like every other bad decision we make in life. It does not RISE above all these other things because vows were involved, its just another failure? The vows were just a promise, a promise a spouse has broken. Is this what I'm reading into your post? DUDE

I agree D. That's why I edited it out.

Adore you SMB...and I don't think you settled for anything.

Raising the bar high, expecting that it's met and meeting your own bar is not settling. It's respectful boundries at it's finest.

Unfortunately, this is true. A certain innocence is lost in a marriage that has been touched by infidelity. But that innocence is lost for the BS forever, weather the marriage continues or not.


Yes, but...

Last transmission I pulled got a TransGo shift kit, TCI Super overdrive servo, TCI deep sump pan, a huge stacked plate cooler, external filter, and super fancy T.V. pressure gauge for my own amusement. It is now far superior to it's original factory form, and I get the satisfaction of knowing I did all the work myself.


Dr Harley says it is possible to have a better, more fulfilling marriage, after recovery than you had before. While this may not be the norm, I would agree that it is possible for some.

But it is very true, no marriage is the same after an affair.

Really what I hear in this thread is a few folks beating there chest saying "I'm better than you because I got out"

Or am I misinterpreting things?

Yeah, that about sums it up. You promised to honor cherish and protect her too, did you not? So, It is O.K. to go back on your vows because she did it first?!?

Recovery is not for whimps. But, neither is divorce.

Acording to MB, and most people, you have every right to walk away right now.
I admire that you want to understand your feelings about this better before you move on.
--peaceout