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[A betrayed spouse most likely CAN NOT admit they would EVER do such a thing. DUH! You posted this just after TWO betrayed spouses said they could do such a thing!  "most likely" Please re-read? DUDE Sort of ruins your theory, though, doesn't it?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Dr. H has said that some affair happen in marriages where ENs are being met. But because there are no EPs, the WS allows someone else to meet ENs and they build up feelings for OP.
Affairs are ALWAYS ALWAYS about
defficient boundaries. ITA with this because it's how our M was prior to the A...we were meeting ENs, spending a lot of time together. IT's the boundaries and lack of EPs that hurt us.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. 
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the other is I'm really hot and have cool sports cars!! hehe I'm kidding. DUDE You should add, Humbleness, Modesty, Caring, and that you poses great Integrity to that list... Oh wait
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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The most tragic mistake I see here is one you alluded to in your post. We all know of AA members who simply quit drinking and never work the program. They are dry drunks. It is the same with MB; we have folks who are in marriages where the affair might have ended but that is where the marital recovery STOPPED. As a result, the marriage never recovers. This is exactly what I thought when I read the title of this thread, though the question posed in rprynne's first post was a tad different, I am going to answer the thread's title question. We have lived for years only using some of the MB concepts...doing it "cafeteria style", picking and choosing which concepts we were going to employ. It was tough because FWH was not fully on board with MB. We've struggled for 2.5 years because of this. We would go through periods of time where things were acceptable and I would even have termed them "good", but due to a lack of not using all of the conceptes, we eventually would stumble.Recently FWH has decided that approach isn't working and we are now employing ALL of the MB concepts...doing the assignments, using Kim to keep us accountable. Things have changed dramatically since then and it's been very encouraging. It's too bad that it took this long because a lot of damage has been done, damage that we now have to reverse. It's not the best way to approach recovery, so from personal experience, I say Use all of the MB concepts from the get-go. It will save you so much heartache.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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The reason is they know how BAD it hurts on the receiving end. It is for that reason alone that most BS say they WOULD NEVER have had an A. I disagree with this...knowing how bad it hurts is ONE reason a BS might say they would never have an A, but I think the MAIN reason is what OH, ML, and smb have said...because many of us had EPs in place NATURALLY. Even if we didn't know what they were called, they were in place. THAT is why some of us BSs say we would never have an A. At least this is true for me.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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[A betrayed spouse most likely CAN NOT admit they would EVER do such a thing. DUH! You posted this just after TWO betrayed spouses said they could do such a thing! "most likely" Please re-read? DUDE Sort of ruins your theory, though, doesn't it? Not really? I think your sample size is quite LOW and is MB the place to take such a poll? Please brush up on your stats. You must have went to A&M..DUDE
Last edited by Dude007; 12/03/09 11:39 AM. Reason: grammar
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the other is I'm really hot and have cool sports cars!! hehe I'm kidding. DUDE You should add, Humbleness, Modesty, Caring, and that you poses great Integrity to that list... Oh wait I will..Thanks for the observations..DUDE
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The reason is they know how BAD it hurts on the receiving end. It is for that reason alone that most BS say they WOULD NEVER have had an A. I disagree with this...knowing how bad it hurts is ONE reason a BS might say they would never have an A, but I think the MAIN reason is what OH, ML, and smb have said...because many of us had EPs in place NATURALLY. Even if we didn't know what they were called, they were in place. THAT is why some of us BSs say we would never have an A. At least this is true for me. So are you saying for Melody Lane's scientific poll(She's an A&M grad) that you would have NEVER had an A. NOT POSSIBLE, NO WAY, NOT EVEN IF IT WERE TIGER WOODS? DUDE
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The reason is they know how BAD it hurts on the receiving end. It is for that reason alone that most BS say they WOULD NEVER have had an A. I disagree with this...knowing how bad it hurts is ONE reason a BS might say they would never have an A, but I think the MAIN reason is what OH, ML, and smb have said...because many of us had EPs in place NATURALLY. Even if we didn't know what they were called, they were in place. THAT is why some of us BSs say we would never have an A. At least this is true for me. So are you saying for Melody Lane's scientific poll(She's an A&M grad) that you would have NEVER had an A. NOT POSSIBLE, NO WAY, NOT EVEN IF IT WERE TIGER WOODS? DUDE Wrong again, DUDE, I am not an A&M grad! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The reason is they know how BAD it hurts on the receiving end. It is for that reason alone that most BS say they WOULD NEVER have had an A. I disagree with this...knowing how bad it hurts is ONE reason a BS might say they would never have an A, but I think the MAIN reason is what OH, ML, and smb have said...because many of us had EPs in place NATURALLY. Even if we didn't know what they were called, they were in place. THAT is why some of us BSs say we would never have an A. At least this is true for me. So are you saying for Melody Lane's scientific poll(She's an A&M grad) that you would have NEVER had an A. NOT POSSIBLE, NO WAY, NOT EVEN IF IT WERE TIGER WOODS? DUDE I am saying that before my H's A, I had EPs in place without knowing that is what they were called. I don't and didn't flirt, don't and didn't socialize with other men without my H . I am a SAHM so work is not an issue. I don't and didn't email or talk on the phone to other men about personal things ~ and I never have. I've never had an interest in doing these things, in fact they make me uncomfortable. Before my H's affair, I didn't know why they made me feel uncomfortable... I do now.During our FR, I started going out with girlfriends quite a lot...both married and single. We went to bars, went dancing...I wasn't protecting my boundaries and I KNEW it. I got myself into trouble a few times but KNEW what was happening and I knew exactly why. (I did not have an affair but DID put myself in inappropriate situations). I was a complete mess during that time because of the FR (not excusing my behavior) but I still KNEW that what I was doing was risky and I was willing to take that risk. Things are very different now...we are not in a FR and my M is improving every day. My EPs are iron-clad and when I think back on the FR and my weak boundaries and what I did, it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I never want to feel that way again, therefore I will never do that again ~ I will never loosen up my boundaries and let my EPs slip. I see how that slippery slope works and I am not willing to take that risk.
Me,BW - 42; FWH-46 4 kids D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006 D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR) Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007 In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks.
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DUDE needs to change his name to WRONG. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I followed not one Harly principle. NOT ONE! And you also don't have a Marriage.
Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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DUDE needs to change his name to WRONG. You're at 3 standard deviations with a 95% confidence interval and moving out further per the Empirical Rule. DUDE
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I followed not one Harly principle. NOT ONE! And you also don't have a Marriage. What do you have/get that I dont? A vow? I'm certain I get everything else you do. Dinner cooked, sex, etc..DUDE
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And to the other question, I followed not one Harly principle. NOT ONE! I had an RA. I got my own APT. I told her family off and did nuclear exposure AFTER THE A ENDED. Yet, here I am w/ my fwxw and I back together like the early days??!! IDK I imagine part of it is luck/karma/God, the other is I'm really hot and have cool sports cars!! hehe I'm kidding. DUDE So, back in the early days, you and your fwxw were perfectly content accepting a lifestyle that would never include marriage or any other form of commitment? Because I believe you have stated that you have no desire to ever get married again. So, if in those "early days" you never intended to marry or commit to your wife, then how did you end up married and committed?
Me: BS/FWW: 48
BS/WH: 50
DS: 30, 27, 25
DD: 28
OC: 10
BH and I are raising my OC together.
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And to the other question, I followed not one Harly principle. NOT ONE! I had an RA. I got my own APT. I told her family off and did nuclear exposure AFTER THE A ENDED. Yet, here I am w/ my fwxw and I back together like the early days??!! IDK I imagine part of it is luck/karma/God, the other is I'm really hot and have cool sports cars!! hehe I'm kidding. DUDE So, back in the early days, you and your fwxw were perfectly content accepting a lifestyle that would never include marriage or any other form of commitment? Because I believe you have stated that you have no desire to ever get married again. So, if in those "early days" you never intended to marry or commit to your wife, then how did you end up married and committed? I don't want anyone else other than my wife. I never will. I don't want to say a vow publicly again and have all the contractual obligations associated w/ it. DUDE
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DUDE needs to change his name to WRONG. You're at 3 standard deviations with a 95% confidence interval and moving out further per the Empirical Rule. DUDE If you consider this thread to be sound statistical analysis, then you have earned your new name: WRONG.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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DUDE needs to change his name to WRONG. You're at 3 standard deviations with a 95% confidence interval and moving out further per the Empirical Rule. DUDE If you consider this thread to be sound statistical analysis, then you have earned your new name: WRONG. Nice try..You can't win(spin). Give it up!
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How about WRONGO? That has a cute ring to it! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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