My husband went to an island 3 yrs ago and said admitted to "hanging" out with young woman while there. He said they didn't kiss or have sex.

He has been interacting with her over the past years via email telling her he loves her, exchanging pictures and possibly sending her money. How can a little encounter amount to a 3 year relationship over the internet and phone calls? He says it is just phone sex.

Please help me see through this. I don't feel I can trust him anymore and this isn't the first time he has denied a relationship with another woman.

I am so confused and hurt!

Why did you take seperate vacations?

He wanted to take a trip with his "boys".

He is in an EA. Just as damaging if not more so than a PA.

Please read up about responsibilities of marriage. A husband or wife does not get to take separate holidays to take a break from marriage.

Can you expose him and the OW?

Are you sure it is just a EA. I can't see how so much can revolve around just one brief encounter in a 3rd world country 3 yrs ago? All of a sudden he loves her and misses her? She is sending him X rated phots? He is calling her long distance and possibly sending her $$, all the while hiding it from me? I am pretty sure that something happened when they met.

I actually don't see anything wrong with married couples taking separate vacations. I have gone on one w/ my college friends. We are all MW's and looking for men was not on the agenda. I guess men are different.

I am sorry this is happening to you.
You asked how can a brief encounter with a person can then end up in a 3 year EA?
I guess it is pure fantasy and your H does not have any responsability but just the fun of being in a romantic unrealistic bubble. You H is not a very mature person and he is acting like mine: regressed into a teenager.
No matter what...I think liars and cheaters have it in them, period. I think your H is one of them. Confront him with the situation, expose him and demand that he works on the R of the M. If he can't do that then you will have to see what the vets on this forum suggest.
blessing

Separate vacations are an invitation to an affair....as you have learned the hard way.

This is a horrible, horrible idea.
Anyone could cheat if given the correct circumstances. Separate vacations open up tons of opportunities


What have you done so far to stop your husbands long distance affair with this person?

Girl, there is nothing that is JUST an EA. It is still an affair.

ONS can have less impact to a man than an EA. He has built a fantasy around the meeting with OW that could mean the end of your marriage. Are you OK with this?

Thanks Atena

Thankful for the feedback. I guess I have self control and realize that my husband does not. His "boys" take trips every year and I am starting to see what these vacations are all about

I confronted him about it. What else can I do?

He says I was wrong by going in his emails, which is how I found out about all this. He says he doesn't go through my emails, but I welcomed him to have access as I have nothing to hide.

The thing that's wrong with married people taking separate vacations is that Recreational Activity is an emotional need. The people you spend vacation time with are the people who make deposits into your love bank. Vacation memories are often amongst our fondest, because they are full of relaxation, excitement, luxury, adventure, novelty, and fun. Those memories should have YOUR SPOUSE in them, not anyone else.

It doesn't matter if "looking for someone new" is on the agenda or not. Sharing that fun time with anyone (male or female) strengthens the bond you share with them, or creates a new bond. Men and women are not different in this respect.

For now:
Do NOT tell your H about this site.
Do NOT engage in marriage/relationship talks with your H.
Read about Emotional Needs (ENs).
Read about Love Busters (LBs).

What do you know about OW?
How old is she?
Is she married?
How long?
Does she have kids?

How long have you and WH been married?
The affair is 3 yrs and ongoing.
How many children?
Ages of children?

The answers you provide to the above questions will help folks provide you with more suggestions and reading material more appropriate to your situation.

Welcome to MB.

Tell him that, to stay married, you want:

(1) him to take a polygraph

and

(2) for him to get tested for STDs.

I don't know much about her as she lives in the Dominican Republic. I think she is single, with children. That is about it. I know her email address. I think she is probably 20 years younger than my husband as the picture she sent him looks like she is in her early 20's.

Don't enage in talks w/ my husband. Please explain the reasoning behind this. I've already asked him to move out, which he refuses to do.

I LOVE that idea!!!!

When you read up on Love Busters, pay particular attention to Disrespectful Judgments.

LBs will kill a marriage in no time flat.
They seem so harmless, so like nothing, yet they are powerfully destructive.

my H took a 2 week vacation with OW, when he came back he was like drugged and could not stand a moment without her. The textmessaging became so intense between them that even a dummy like me found out.
H had told me he wanted to separate a year before he went of vacation with her and I was such a doormat during that whole year and left him all the space he wanted. That resulted in strenghtening the bond he was forming with the OW to the point that now they are soul mates. He moved out and he is enjoying is brain-free relationship with her.
blessing

sorry to hear that! I am sure life is better without all the worrying. He wasn't worth your love if he was like that. I know how much it hurts, because I am going through it now.

My husband "acts" like he loves me with all his heart and wants to work it out. He has it good and I would want to stay w/ me too! I am the breadwinner and he provides very little financial support. He is a good dad, but that is it! He provides me to emotional support. If it weren't for the kids, it would be so much easier to walk. I feel like the best thing for us to do is just cohabitate and raise our kids.

AC, I would put a keylogger on his computer [get eblaster at www.spectorpro.com] and then start exposing his affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy and when they are exposed it is like turning on the lights in a crack house and bringing in a crowd of onlookers.