He uses a computer that I don't have access to as it is at his job. He just by chance used my laptop for the first time and forgot to logout, which led me to read his emails. I am not sure this is an option....

Can you access his work email account? How often does he check his work email from home?

His only email account is via Yahoo. We just got DSL recently so he tried it out on my laptop & that is how I got access.

I didn't say don't engage in talks, I said don't talk about the marriage/relationship(s) with your husband.

The reasoning behind this (good question, by the way) is that right now he is wayward and he is not thinking like he normally would. Whenever you try to talk about the marriage, or relationships in general, or the OW, he will perceive that you are:
Nagging
Preaching
Accusing
Blaming

There is absolutely NO good that can come from relationship talks at this time, and much damage. So refrain.

You asked him to move out. I'm confused. Do you want to salvage the marriage? It's perfectly okay if you don't, that's your call. If you want to save the marriage, however, don't ask him to move out. You can't fill his love bank as easily when he's not around. Also, if he's living on his own he'll have a lot more free time to email and chat with OW and strengthen that bond.

Thanks for explaining the topics of our discussions. That makes sense.

I asked him to move out because of frustration, hurt, and mistrust. I feel like he keeps several secrets from me, and this just happens to be one that I caught him in. This isn't the first time this has happened and I don't feel like he is forthcoming with the truth on this situation.

He first said that there were only 3 emails and when I showed him close to 20 correspondence, then he admitted to the level he felt comfortable with, which was just "phone sex" as he calls it. I still feel I don't know the full story and never will.

Um, I don't know what lines your H has been feeding you, but guys don't take vacations to the DR just to "hang out", unless of course in "hanging out", they are referring to one particular part of their anatomy...

Oh PFFFFT! Yahoo is the easiest to crack. All you have to do is check "I don't have access to that email address" and it will ask you 3 simple questions. If you know your H at all (mine did highschool, wifes name and children name--duh!)

It reset the PW. Only problem is that it better be a good one, because when he logs back in, you will have reset the PW
play dumb!

Now I know.....

Oh yeah, you can do a history on that cell phone, too.fry his [censored]

I don't think I need to see much more of his emails. That will drive me batty. He is going to be much wiser with his use of his emails. He has already retorted to his blackberry, which I think he has done in the past 6 months because that is when the Yahoo activity dropped.

how?

What does he do with his time, if he's not a breadwinner? What kind of job does he have?

His company took a hit w/ the economy and now in school and he takes cares of our kids (drops off & pick up)

Sounds like you got yerself a bonafied liar, just like I have. Thinks everything is O.K. as long as people don't find out "no one gets hurt".

Looking into my crystal ball I see.......

#1. He is exceedingly immature. You have little chance of him growning out of it. At least anytime soon.
(Currently I am in IC to see if I can accept this behavior as part of a whole person who I happen to be married to.)


#2. He probably came from a long line of family liars. One overbearing parent can cause a child to take the course of lying to help themselves survive. Problem is, this behavior gets ingrained and it is not recognised as "not normal". Do his siblings cheat on spouses and white lie or outright lie?

#3. He has flatly refused to fork over phone, email accounts or any personal history, he demands and tries to shame you into trusting him...now. right?

#4. He will refuse the lie detector- you can ask but forget it.

#5. He considere himself "just a nice guy!" that you should be happy he's married to, right? ...aw gee! In truth, I have been told that they actually feel they are good spouses, that the white lies don't really mean anything (rationalize)

#6. When FACTS are put before him, he shuts down and says "I'M done talking about this?" right?

#7. The MB way is an EXCELLENT way to go. for yourself now. I can help you, too. I am 4 years into this.

And Finally
#8. Drumroll PLEASE...
He tells you that anything NEW you find (and boy let me tell you, you WILL find out lots more) IS ALL IN THE PAST, HE SHOULD BE FORGIVEN AND YOU SHOULD START OVER and live for TODAY, RIGHT?

Don't make the same mistakes I did. I can IM if you like.

Oh yeah. the two answer argument...

ANYTHING you ask you will recieve;

A#1. a denial
or
B#2. an excuse

Never, ever, ever will you get an affirmative, and an apology.
Not for weeks and weeks anyway.
Do not have hopes for grace, humility or accountability from him now-- hopefully after awhile -- but it is so bits and pieces it gets lost on you and the hurt.

I'll tell you first hand that several of the men here go down to Costa Rica to go "surfing". They REALLY go down there for the whores.

99% chance your husband paid for whores.

Polygraph him.

re: see my #4.

You have him nailed down to a Tee. Do you know him???? LOL

Everything you said is him with no exceptions.

How can you IM me?

Here's your healthy dose of reality, in the Dominican Republic, they pass AIDS around like the common cold down there.