Somehow she got tipped off; she's changed her Yahoo! password.

Yes, I know I shouldn't be spying, but there's still so much going on.

Somebody earlier wrote how easy it was to compromise a Yahoo! password. Since I tried getting it sent to me, it wound up getting sent to another account (which she's already changed), I'd like to erase my tracks...

Stop it!

Dark.

OK. But now I'm busted.

So what? You no longer care what she thinks about you.

D*mn, I hate your logic.

I guess at Day Three I still do. I have to work on that a bit...

I can't believe people do this for TWO YEARS.

And my time limit (not etched in stone, but there it is) is only 5 more months...

Remember that some betrayed spouses' time limit is 30 minutes. Just long enough to throw the other person's crap out of the house. You're doing fine.

I just read this in another thread
And finally this...
This is where I seem to be so conflicted. My angry, betrayed self agrees with the above. The man who loved this woman enough to want to marry her because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her doesn't want to let go...

The thing is, every single person has to make the decision for them. That's the number one rule here - no one will ever tell a BS what their level of tolerance should be. It's different for each person.

I think the key issue is to be honest with yourself, and know whether you are truly capable of swallowing a lot of crap, in hopes of waiting out the affair and defogging your spouse, or whether you are so insecure that you'd wait 20 years in hopes of hearing them choose you because you simply don't think you deserve any better.

And that's the thing. Earlier I said that one of my key "issues" was loyalty. I've always been loyal (work, relationships, etc.) and have been betrayed a number of times. My WW "snared" me early in our relationship by telling me (without her knowing about my issue), "the one thing you can count on me is that I'm fiercely loyal." So the betrayal is like a knife in my heart.

I know that's what everyone feels like, so I'm not trying to minimize others' feelings. But as I told her as she was leaving, "if you wanted to hurt me or send me a wake-up call, you couldn't have picked a better way."

I guess that's why my Plan B time frame coincides with our separation agreement. If there isn't a positive change by the time we're eligible for divorce, then I'm filing...

I put up notes before Plan B went into effect. I've now done it again. Thanks for reminding me.

My note hovering over my computer reads:

Here's the deal, Fred. You seem to be thinking that you need to just sit aroud on your hands for 6 months while you do this Plan B thing, and have no fun.
But, look, you are going to Iceland, right. You have some $$ and you can do other things. like the Iceland trip, while you go through the waiting period.
Plan B does not mean you have to be a hermit. It frees you up to get your life satisfaction from other activities, (but no romance).
Fred, once I was out and away from my wife, I began living life , again, for the first time in years. I connected with old friemds that I had lost because of my association with my XW. I rededicated myself to golf and got below scratch for the first time since I played in college. I saw movies, went on vacations(some eith my ex-father-in-law and my X's brothers and uncles, much to the bewilderment of the OM and anger of my XW).
My point is tht doing this plan B does not mean you do not enjoy life. Odds are pretty good that once you are out and away, you may decide you do not want to ever go back to her, even if she makes overtures.

Another red flag for a personality disorder is her asserting her fierce loyalty. See, these folks, through years of having their antannae out, are incredibly adept at sensing/intuiting/picking up clues as to waht is important to you. Then, they mirror it so as to draw you in.
Fred, you may not have explicitly told her about the value you place on loyalty. But, through your behaviors and remarks, I am sure this came through. So, she picked up on it as a way in with you.
Just think about how weird it is for someoen to declare " I am feircely loyal". Truly loyal folks do not have to point this out to others, Thye just act on it.
And, think about the absurdity of that statement in light of her having abandoned her kids, both while drinking and on the custody front. And, look at her cheating on you. LOYAL, right?---NOT.
So, we can establish that she misrepresented her possesion of a qulaity in herself that she knew was important to you.

Look, everyone puts their best foot forward during courtship. But, the disordered actively misrepresent themselves and they do weird thing like make this type of declaration. She mirroed you, like they do.

The chess match begins anew.

I just got off the phone with my attorney. WW has contacted her with the following requests/demands. Below each is my proposed response. I welcome (and ask for) any opinions:

Tell her the number of (exposure) letters I wrote and to whom these letters were written.

Refuse. She knows about OM, OMW and landlady. She/they apparently do not yet know about the three letters sent to OM's employer.

Write apology letters to each person to whom I wrote exposure letters recanting previous letters.

Refuse. Is she kidding?

State whether I am having her followed

Refuse. I'm not, but why should she know that? I will ask my attorney simply to not answer the question.

Take no actions to harm her financially based on information I received from reading her email.

Agree. This is stipulated in our Separation Agreement, anyway.

Deliver the following items to her (the attorneys) office or to her directly (piecemeal list not included -- irrelevant)

Refuse. Plan B letter specifically states "I do not wish to be inconvenienced by your need to make multiple trips."

In addition, my attorney has asked and advised me the following:

That I will not be writing any more (exposure) letters.

Agreed. I will inform my attorney that letters were also sent to OM's employer, but that I will not be sending any additional.

I have not and will not do anything to harm WW financially.

Agreed. In addition, I have sworn to attempt no further 'hacking' into her email.

I will select a date on which WW can bring over moving van.

False. WW has from six months since D-day to accomplish her move-out. I merely said that weekends would be best, and that I would not be available New Year's weekend.

If your attorney knows what she is doing, she will ignore most of this. Did these requests actually come from your wife's attorney. If so, he or she must be an idiot.
I'd abide by the advise to stop sending letters. I never liked the letter idea in the first place as documenting the exposure may pose a bit of a problem in cases where there is an issue as to accuracy.
Just let your attorney handle this. Your wife sounds like an idiot.

Tell her you are not having her followed but are bombarding her house with microwaves. Offer her enough aluminum foil to insulate her house.

I'm learning, folks, I'm learning.

I had spoken with my attorney and was drafting a reply. I was going to answer each item. But then it occurred to me, this was playing into WW's hands.

This is my propose message to my attorney:
Good? Can it be better?

I would instruct my attorney not to respond at all. Why pay .25 hours for a letter that serves no purpose?
Best thing you an do with a narcissist is to ignore her.

Especially when you're gonna get billed for every message carried!

tl

Apologize for exposure? Boy her ego-balloon is blown up to kingdom come, isn't it?