IME I have not noticed men "admitting" to a MLC. It's more like it's blatantly obvious to the outside world but they won't acknowledge it. I believe deep down they know how ridiculous they look but they won't admit it and won't stop the craziness.

I have another thought...does anyone wonder which comes first, the MLC of the A? <The chicken or the egg?>

Aren't we splitting hairs, here? What about menopause, the "change of life?" I completely think that part of her behavior is based on this.

No problem. I have male menopause. It sucks.

Now, where's my article on "Why Menopausal Men Leave Women, and how Women Can Encourage Them to Leave".

I don't buy this. I just spotted a middle age woman with a bare midriff and spandex.

A social worker once told me that generally when men leave a marriage, it's usually through an affair/OW. When women leave, it's usually because they are D..O..N..E. They have tried and tried and tried and tried. And then they hit that wall.

It's generally much harder to get a woman to recommit to a marriage (whether or not she was wayward) than it is a man.

OH,

I WAS KIDDING BOTH TIMES!!!

BT,

My heart aches for you man.

No...I'm saying that women tend to stay in the marriage way beyond the balance of their love banks going red. Deep red. And then they realize they are so far overdrawn that no loan is going to bring them out of their massive debt. So they declare bankruptcy and leave.

Men (to continue the financial analogy), just take out a loan on a new car (OW).

barbiecat:

I don't usually put much emphasis on MLC because it tends to be a distraction when trying to solve a marital problem in the most efficient and effective way possible. For example, if a man has an affair, some might argue that it's due to a mid-life crisis which should be treated first. The therapeutic plan would then dictate that he resolve the issue creating the crisis (he's unhappy about the way his life is turning out) and then address the affair itself. Since those having affairs usually want to delay ending them, they like the idea of extended therapy. But the time it takes to complete therapy for midlife crisis usually results in a wife and children long gone.

Granted, when a man has come to my office deeply depressed, wondering if his life's worth living, even I have used the term, mid-life crisis, to help describe what he's going through. Sometimes, in an effort to rise above his depressive state, he uses alcohol and drugs, and very rarely, infidelity, to treat his depression, which invariably makes him even more depressed.

The problem of mid-life crisis, and the resulting deep depression, is almost always due to a man's career. But if he's using drugs, alcohol, or having an affair as a way to treat his depression, my first order of business is to rid him of these self-destructive measures, and then to treat the mid-life crisis. His short-sighted solutions are far more damaging to him than the problem itself.

Why isn't the issue of mid-life crisis mentioned more in my articles? Because it's a very rare cause of infidelity, but a very common excuse to avoid prompt action to end an affair.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Back then to the reason I asked the question in the first place. Dr. H admits he believes in MLC.

How does a spouse deal with a partner who seems alien?

They just don't fit in the MB mold. Even if they did for 20 years.
Not that I have seen.
Is MLC a different condition? How does it fit into MB?

any MLC war torn vet ring in on this?