Ok I think I know what to do but I just need some direction. A little history I found out my H had an EA and a ONS over a yr ago and I didn't know about MB back then so I did most everything wrong. I checked the phone records back then and found a number on there and called it and asked her if she knows my H and she told me yes and that they met and had sex. Of course when I confronted him I did everything wrong and the cops were called and we had to go through counseling and pay some fines. It has been over a hr and half and that brings us to today. My H always denied having the ONS and says she made it all up. I wish I would have known about MB because I would have called her H and exposed but I didn't and I only exposed to my family and his. He still to this day denies it but I know it happend because I also came down with an STD that he gave me but since he didn't have any "symptons" he says I must have got it from someone else. Our whole marriage was based on lies and we both have done HORRIBLE things to each other. One thing I have learned from my counseling and praying and this site is I can only change me not him. So I had stopped snooping about a yr ago when we were still in counseling because my counselor told me to work on myself and my verbal abuse. So things have been going really good because I do not bring anything up about all his lies and his A and have been working on me. Our fighting is better but he fights really bad because he is the king of turning tables. So you are probably wondering why I am still in this marriage and I am asking myself the same question. I feel like if he is cheating again and I can get all the proof that I will file for D and get him out of my life because I do not deserve this.

We have a very long history of him lying to me he even lied to me about having 3 other kids from another woman and this was after I married him and 2 yrs of being together. So after reading this website and i snooped again and found one number that has alot of texts and calls back in Oct. I tried intellius like 10 times and kept getting a timeout error. I know I need to snoop and find out this number and build the evidence. I do not want to do the wrong things this time and he is the kind of person I will need all the evidence or he will lie his way out. I also have to be careful in confronting him on anything because he has a horrible temper. We have been married almost 3 yrs and together 4. We have no kids together we lost a baby when we were first together but we have 7 kids between us and my DD12 lives with us. Things are better because we are getting along and loving each other.

Can you hire a PI?

We are having major financial issues because he has 50% of his checks being garnished and I pay almost all the bills. I have looked into a PI and maybe after the holidays I can but right now not possible.

He is/was evidently skipping child support???

He is a BAD GUY.

Yes on all of your red flags. Yes he wasn't paying child support and that is why his checks are being garnished. If I knew what I know now back then I would never have married him. He will not give me a divorce. The only way I can be sure to get a divorce is have evidence of an affair.

TTB, this is a bad deal. You have a H who lies, cheats, and has a horrendous temper. You know he has had affairs and you don't need further truth. Do you really accept that you can't change him? Because I see no indication of that here.

Are you saying you consider someone who lied about his kids, lies in general, cheats on you, has major financial issues to be husband material? Maybe its time to accept that you have made a mistake and cut your losses before this gets worse? This can't be a good environment for your kid.

What country are you in where women are endentured servants? In America, women are free to divorce their husbands. They don't need his "permission."

Yes and I know this and I have tried to get out. He will not leave and has even had the cops tell me I can not have him "put out" of his own home. I have no where to stay since my job moved us to a new state and I have no family here at all.

Divorce him I will but I will also have to leave the state and get as far away from him as possible. I am trying to deal with the situation at hand.

TTB, all you have to do is leave.

Well since I have a very good paying job and I have been actively looking for jobs I can not take my daughter and have no money to live on. I do not have a place that I can just go unless it is out of state and I would have to quit my job with insurance and everything. How do you take care of a child with no place to live and no money?

Why do you have no money if you have a very good paying job? Do they pay you?

Why are you wasting your time looking for evidence of an affair when you already know he is a BAD GUY?

And where is this girls father? Does he have a more stable home than yours? Can you send her to live in a more stable home, such as her father, your parents, a sibling?

What just up and walk away from the house that I am responsible for? Wouldn't that be doing exactly all the wrong things like he has done?

Yes! Of course. People leave their homes all the time. Go rent a small apartment for you and your DD and move out.

I guess I don't understand what the problem is. You say you know you can't change him. You say you know he is a bad guy. So what are you doing there?

No my daughter's fathers house is not an option. I guess I hate that I am going to have another failed marriage. I don't know since I have been educating myself and wroking on EN I have seen a difference in him but I don't know if it is real and if he can be helped. Our MC said she could help him but then we stopped going and I don't know what to do. I guess I already know the answer.