You know HH, I think I would keep a simple reply, and the same one everytime:

I DIDN'T WANT A DIVORCE. THIS IS YOUR CHOICE, NOT MINE

End of story.

Everytime my Dd says something to me about WH, I say the same thing - His choice, I didn't want this. I am sure she has repeated that to him many times.

You know how much money I spent, and it made me totally sick until JT told me to look at it as an investment in saving my M. Once I started to look at it that way, the weight of it all wasn't so bad. Today I looked back and knew that I did everything I could do, including spending a fortune.

So THAT'S his big plan!

Run up credit cards, then file for bankruptcy.

When's your court date?

Karmagirl -- Next court date is December 21 regarding support -- to renegotiate it since I'm unemployed at the moment AND bring up his unwillingness to pay the court ordered amount. Next support is due December 15 so I'll be curious what he decides to deduct (in itemized fashion, of course) this time.

CL -- Yep, I think I'll type that into my phone and use it to respond to messages. That response plus "call ur attorney" and his dad's recommendation "F-off." Oh... one more "Stop being a d!ck."

Think I might look to see if Hallmark is hiring greeting card writers.

Now, at the court date--best to let A bring up all the important stuff. I know you're p!ssed at D!ck, so...best be on the safe side.

The judge will NOT enjoy D!ck's unwillingness to pay. You have three kids, how old, and (I know they're teens) I KNOW, I KNOW, they eat tons. Etc.

Yep, its time to turn it over to the big guns. And it being Christmas week and all, maybe the judge will remind D!ck that giving is better than receiving, and teens (18, 17, 15) do eat tons. Would love the judge to use a "Wonderful Life" or "Scrooge" analogy.

It's time for a Christmas miracle!

Oh, he will have to remain professional. The poor man probably won't be able to say a word (pertaining to scrooge).

HH, Have you proposed a settlement to him? Why not tell him (via your A's of course) that you'll settle today for $x? Propose a 50/50 split of what you had BEFORE he started spending money on OW. Finances after that... he's on his own. You, of course are also on your own, but get spousal & child support to cover the bills. Once you net that off what you charged and he paid for you, I'll bet you still come out ahead. You seem to be very financially smart, you've probably already figured it out! You're calling his bluff!

Neese... you are exactly right. I'm picking up financial documents we subpenaed from WH at the attorneys office tomorrow. With these documents Ill be able to prove that nonmarital assets were used on OW. Yes, debt after split is easy, its the debt before the split that has me working overtime.

I agree that I need to call his bluff and propose a settlement. With support, Ill be OK. I just can't get saddled with his two year spending spree.

Forward the text threat about bankruptcy to his boss and the credit card companies.

Bankers who take out bankruptcy after living the high life lose their jobs.

At least the ones working for good banks do.

Every employee at my sister-in-law's financial institution is subject to credit checks on a regular basis. A single missed cc pmt or bounced check can get you fired.

On second thought, forward to your attorney who can leverage his threat to the best ability.

Your husband needs to be reminded what it will be like to live on teller's wages if he blows this!

You gotta love this man.

Yep, gotta love this guy. He's back in retirement mode from his real job so I joked that he can now be my full-time paralegal. I think I'll recruit him to accompany me to court anytime I go just in case his son decides to intimidate me in person.

I agree that bankruptcy isn't an option that D!ck would want on his record if he wants to keep a job in the banking industry. I did mention this to my attorney today who said, unfortunately, the way D!ck has spent himself in a hole, it may just come down to that. They attorney adds "he's an idiot."

As for sharing his finances with his employer, I'd rather not at this stage. I need to get a settlement offer together with the assumption that he keeps his job since I will be relying on him having a job for a long, long time. My hope is to clean out his retirement so he will need to continue to work should he ever hope to retirement with an income besides social security. That, too, should be a huge reality check for him.

He is just not acting, thinking, reasoning, BEING the man I've known for over 30 years. Unless he's diagnosed with a brain tumor or another medical or psychological disorder, then there is no hope for a reconciliation. Add exorcisim here -- since I believe the devil is influencing his life. That's why I still pray for him everyday.

Unfortunately, I think it is called "in love" which is quickly becoming a negative term for me. I believe it is some kind of psychological disorder.....

Took the weekend off and back in the swing this Monday morning. I picked up financial documents from the attorney on Friday and have started to review them. Man, is my blood boiling!!

Mr. Banker has done a bang up job at the old shell game. He moved money from one account to cover another account, only to withdraw from that account to cover the first account. And his attorney says he can't access the credit card backup because it's not available to him or the account's been closed. And if we want to try to get these, we'll need to contact the credit card companies directly to get the records.

I think my best bet is to play offense. I'll review what I can, try to track down what further backup I can, and propose a settlement. It will be my Christmas present to me -- to try and get an offer on the table. Something's gotta give -- and as the Giver, I'll go first. And it's better to give this time of year than to receive.

Good morning Holy, how are you? How was your weekend?

Ten to one WH refuses it no matter what.

Wow, you beat me. Darn my job or I would have gotten here first.

Ah, there's the Christmas spirit. :MerryChristmas:

:happyhanukkah:

Well, I do think you should try to settle to avoid all of the fees, but I doubt he will accept. That is what happened in my case anyway. Your WH, being a banker, may be smarter than mine though.

Good luck HH. I hope he realizes that he is in deep doodoo right now and agrees to settle it.

Thanks for chiming in, folks. I know without a doubt that he will refuse any offer... so I better aim high.

This lastest twist kept me up all night. In my dreams, I was trying to hide from D!ck... and every time I saw him, I woke up in a panic. I know how he will try to intimidate me no matter how much evidence I gather. I've already decided to bring my FIL to court next week -- to act as a shield should D!ck try to get at me.

I love the previous advice that I need to keep rereading. "Big hat, no cattle" gimic. He's weak but trying to show strength. I'm strong, but feel weak inside. But I need to buff up and take to heart the "never let them see you sweat" motto. I need to channel my inner goddess and be ready to shine.

Just hope my attorney is up for the task. I've yet to see him in action -- just hope he can get my support upped AND make D!ck pay the full amount on time. Perhaps this will get D!ck to pay attention and come out of the fog for a little bit of reality.

It's interesting how I've started to focus way, way less on Bimbo and way, way more on D!ck and his actions and the consequences of his actions. I think the Tiger thing was a reminder that it didn't matter whether there was one mistress or a dozen, the issue lies with my husband. He is the one responsible for breaking up our family. She was just an opportunist. I get it...

I think it is time to put the Horse head in his bed. signed "the Italian way"