My WW and I are getting a divorce. I have beaten her in court and mediations and now I have the house, the kids, and child support from her.
I guess I thought it would make her change her mind that things were not going her way, but it seems to have only opened the door to a life that she thought she should have been having this whole time.
I think that there is something seriously wrong with her to lose her kids and not care, but I really thought that taking back control would make her see the light to some extent.
I guess what I am asking is what I am doing the right approach to the situation at hand? I do not know if I ever really want her to come back, but I did think that this would make her second guess herself. It hasn't.

We need more details. Was she having an affair? Sounds like it.

Yea, she has been having one for about a year now. It's been exposed to her whole family now. She is pissed and embarrassed, and is talking about moving out of state now. Whenever we communicate it seems to turn into a fight because hse is always trying to push me around.
She has told me that there is no way we are getting back together, because we are unhealthy. The story is similar to many up here. I guess I wonder if she will ever pull her head out of her rear end, mostly. How long does that normally take, if ever?

I think you have to deal with fogbabble here.

When she says things like "we are unhealthy" I would respond with things like, "Yes, an affair infects everyone it touches."

She's trying to shift blame and the response to such babble is not to accept blame.

I.E. when she says "we are unhealthy" she's trying to pin blame on you. It only works if you accept blame. If you reject it without overtly trying to throw blame back, then it's ineffective.

She may never come back. Frankly, I'd have no such expectation. Be the best dad, husband or ex-husband you can be and stop looking at what she does.

Any of her complaints that were legitimate, work on them because they will likely help you be a better dad.

However, don't do it with the hopes of winning her back. Do it so you can be the best person you can possibly be.

That's pretty good stuff. I appreciate that a lot. It's hard to keep things in perspective sometimes.
I am not accepting the blame. I do my part on what I have done, and still am.
It is babble and always has been.

I think the best you can hope for is that her 'wonderful' life will fall apart, once she is left stranded from her previous life, and she MAY come crawling back. I would definitely leave the door open, so she doesn't feel like she has to beg and scrape to get in.

I don't know that it's best to hope that her life falls apart as is. I wouldn't base your feelings on what happens to her in anyway. You leave yourself open to being hurt again if her life does go well, and open to vengence/spite if it doesn't go well.

As far as leaving the door open, what has to happen in order for her to come back in your life. Obviously, losing the OM has to happen, but what else has to happen? I think it's important to know these things well, and not let her back in until she shown that she can and will do what needs to be done.

Hi Loaded,
Have a good hard think about what you really want and then make plans to on how to achieve it.

I have a close friend of mine who for nearly 7 years has been allowing his WS to dictate what I can only call a miserable existance. She has had numerous affairs, some of which she doesn't even try to conceal, yet he sits and waits for her to see the error of her ways.

He keeps waiting for his WS to sort herself out yet she has never acknowledged any issues or wrong doing, never apolopgised to him and he has not seen fit to implement a plan A or B for fear of losing her.

It's staggering that he put's up with this for so long as he is Intelligent, attractive and successful person. He sits and waits for any scraps of love that she may choose to throw his way. Every time he starts to make plans and get his life in order, she reels him back in. He is aware and acknowledges this as we have pointed this out to him on many occassions.

That's why it's important to have a plan and then see it through. You do not want to live the hell that he has been living. If you decide you want to change the plan because it's no longer what you want, then that's ok.

You can control yourself, your actions and your decisions. Unlike my hapless friend, try to avoid t basing your life on what your WS may or may not do.

Good luck and God bless

Loaded,

I know you are asking is there any chance she will come back, and I guess I would say as did the others her that yes there is a chance once the A is over.

Having said that, I am wondering when you are going to come out of the fog. You said

Read this sentence a few times and then consider what you would tell a friend if they said the same thing about their W.

My personal take is that you are well rid of her. A woman that will walk away from her children is not a candidate for a good W, and frankly she shouldn't be around the children. Given that you got the house, child support, the kids, everything as a male, means the courts are seeing a woman that is not much of a mother, and doesn't want to be.

You did the right thing. Your children would be better off with a loving mother and a loving father, there is no doubt of that, but there are not better off with a mother that finds them a bother and considers them holding her back from the life she wants. You did the right thing for yourself as well, as she is not W material.

Stop second guessing yourself. The data is very clear, in fact so clear that the courts gave you everything and that is remarkable, as I said before, because you are a male.

You assumed that you married a compassionate nurturing woman. The data suggests that you did not.

Please think about this.

God Bless,

JL