Ok, ok

Just wanting to hear from you lovely people out there what you think about Marriage and/ or SaA when both spouses are working full time and have small children.

Are there people out there that have had both these factors and survived an A and have a good M?

Both H and I work full time and have small children. The f/t employment will be changing in the near future...at least for me...I'm keeping the kids though.

What do you mean by "small children", st? Do you mean that at least one of them is not yet in full-time school, and the older one is not much older?

I guess I mean children living at home that need parents to keep them entertained and alive, either school age or not.

Trust_Will_Come works 20 hrs/week, I average 45, and combined, we spend about 18 additional hours commuting. It can be done, but thank God for sick time...

ST, just have some good, reliable babysitters on call!! That is what Dr Harley and Joyce did when they had little ones: lots of nights out together alone.

If that doesn't work, try some hawgtyin rope.

The most important lesson I have learned through all this is that the kids CAN'T come first. Yes, we are responsible for them and we give them time individually and as a family, but the balance in a family needs to be parents together over children. Prior to GloveOil's affair, it had become me and the kids together and him off by himself. We have corrected that by having conversation time that the kids are not allowed to interrupt. I know our kids are older (10 and 14) but in some ways they demand more. Their homework is harder (requiring our help), they have more activities to be driven to, and their issues require more thoughtful conversation than a six year old. I believe that kids of any age can understand that they need to wait, and putting your spouse on the backburner for your kids is just asking for trouble. I wish I hadn't.

Here's of few ideas off the top of my head: Be creative. Make the kids' bedtime earlier, so you and your spouse can be alone. Get into a babysitting co-op with your friends. Create a bubble of mommy and daddy time from 6-7 every night where the kids aren't allowed to interrupt, even if you are on the same floor with them. If desperate, go into the bathroom together and lock the door! Make sure that you greet your spouse with a hug and a kiss as soon as they walk in the door and let your kids see that affection. Most of all, play hooky from work together every so often, so you can make love in the middle of the afternoon without interruption. Send emails, call, and send e cards at random times to your spouse at work. Don't allow the excuses of tiredness, work, and kids separate you from your spouse. MB does work with jobs and families. It just depends on how much effort you are willing to give it.

Thanks people,

I was n't thinking of myself - it was just thoughts in general (I only work 8 hours). I can't see how when working FT hours and running a house with small children it is possible to squeeze in 15 hours minimum UA time. May be because if I did work FT I wouldn't see J as he works 5 on 5 off and a mix of days and nights.

We get to spend some day time together as J works shifts so we pay a childminder so that we get a few weekend hours together in the week. Me and my sis "share" 4 children - I try to have hers when J isn't around so that she'll have mine when he is - her H does normal hours.

I may not always get my 15 hours UA time in but the balance is as sensible as it is going to get.