ok I did some checking into our phone records and for the last 4 months or so I found a number I have never seen. It is someone in another state where I dont think she has friends or family. They talked for an hour one day and in over 30 calls lasting a total of 450 mins. She has even texted them several times, sometimes right before or afer she has texted me. A lot of times this passed weekend when she was out of town back in her home state with friends. I know she was with her friends most of the time and they wouldn't let her wonder off.

I felt panic, my heart raced, numb. Today when i got home I checked her phone and every text and call was erased except for todays stuff. Unfortunetly my keylogger didnt record anything. it froze up!

She was very short today and everything I asked her she had a little "fed up" tone with it. After we got the kids to bed I asked if she was ok. She said "yes, fine.". I aked her if I did or said anything to upset her today because you seem upset. She replied with pause "Nope, I'm here thats all".

I found a Physchologist today that is also a licensed marriage counsellor. She hasn't gotten back to me yet but I am going to keep trying. This whole thing is starting to freak me out.

I guess I do need to bump this to SAA don't I!

Should I call the number since I have no other to find out who it is? or should I give the bill to her and ask her who the number belongs to?

GOD THIS HURTS!!!

Oh, and btw. Since the number wasn't listed I searched it on google and found the number in a craigslist ad. He is selling his motorcycle because he doesn't ride since the kids are running around now. No name or anything just an email thru craigslist.

Yes, move it to SAA. Don't call the number. You don't want her to know you know yet.

Slow down !!!. You could pay to find out who own the number but it will cost you. I would just journal the date, durations and phone# and wait. You took the step to get counselor help. Make sure she is aware about MB method. Wait until you see her.

Remember, your W has low or even negative love bank for you, don't expect anything for now.

While waiting, write down every grievances she has on you. Specially that she had in the past (2 years ago) and she still has it on you. Fix it or at least convince her you are working on it. Those are part of your plan A.

Redhat

Allover, I am so sorry to hear that! At the same time, I am proud of you for being brave enough to look at the truth. There are some great threads on the Just Found Out forum, and the folks on the SAA board are invaluable. Can you afford to call the Harleys? They can help motivate and encourage you during such an painful time.

Red - I did pay for some info on HIM. It is a cell phone. She has texted over 500 messages since September. I don't understand though. What do they wish to accomplish by this?

I thought we were suppose to expose the affair! Right?

How do I get the thread moved?

Hit the Notify button below your post, and say, please move my thread to SAA. They'll take care of the rest.

Thank you!

Cat - I may have let the "cat out of the bag" already. I wanted to know his name so I sent an email through craigslist inquiring about his motorcycle he is selling. I used my first name only but if he knows it that might be a red flag.

Started my list of phone calls and text messages and I am very very very sick. It has gon one since this mid Sept. 3 months, how could I be so stupid and blind! I don't even feel like spending any money on her for christmas because I know she isn't going to care about it. This really @#$& sucks!

Have you ever used craigslist? The email shown in the ad will typically be some anonymous address like 1234@craigslist.com. Any email sent to that address will be forwarded to him. But any reply he sends will come from his real address. So you'll mail 1234@craigslist.com and you'll get a reply from bob@yahoo.com.

So what you need to do is create a new email address on gmail or something. Don't use your own email address or else he'll see it. Use your new email account to respond to the ad with some question about the motorcycle. When he responds, you should have his real email address.

"I saw the motorcycle you had for sale. Would you be around sometime tonight or tomorrow? I'd like to come take a look at it. What part of <city> are you in?"

Heck, you could probably get his actual address. Say you want to come over and take a look at it. He'll probably tell you exactly where he lives.

The above exchange is an example of why I find this site so helpful. Maybe the suggestion given could be arrived at without outside help, but the mere fact that someone would give a simple step-by-step suggestion is another of those "Ah ha!" moments that I have received so frequently since I got here.

Good stuff. Thanks.

Thanks Vity! I already sent the email to him. I did it from work and if it used that address I am screwed. Rookie mistake! My address at work is 'firstname.lastname@company.com'.

I printed all the phone and text records out and I am going to ask my W, in a nice and calm manner, what this strange number is she has been calling and texting. I am not going to imply anything and let her tell me her story. It may not be true but I am prepared for that. She needs to know I know. If it presists then I will take action.

She told me today she scheduled an appointment with a Psychologist. I told her I was very happy to here that. I even asked for the number so I can setup one. She said "not together I want to go alone" and I agreed. I want to go as well and to the same person so that the therapist may get the whole picture instead of just W side.

Bringing this OM info forward may be a wrong step but I only got 2hrs of sleep last night and it isn't going to get any better.

You need to slow down.

Stop giving your enemy information and prevent it from happening in the future. The E-Mail thing is a total goof and will probably tip your hat.

Find out who the number belongs to before you ask her who it is. Get a digital voice recorder and hide it where you can record her conversations.

Snoop, build evidence, then expose.

Oops. If he notices the address he'll probably figure out it's you. But all is not lost. You can still make an email address and send him another email. He is likely getting email from several people. So what if he figures that other email is from you. You can still try again. When "Jose Martinez" emails him asking some question like "Is the bike stock or have you customized it?", he may not suspect anything.

So you guys are strongly against me saying anything to her 2nit about the numbers?

I did get his first name.

I also, against someones advice, call him but blocked my number with *67. I got his vmail and hung up. But it was a mans number.

I have the keylogger so hopefully (but not really hopefully) she is IMing him or using AOL but double deleting.

I do like the idea of voice recorder but since it is her cell she is usually out, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.

Thanks!

Get some velcro and put the VAR under the seat of her car. Check and charge it every night.

Ok. I am going to uy three of them and put them around the house and in the car. Thanks guys! I feel like such a bad person for doing this to the love of my life, but I understand it has to be done. I can't believe todays recorders can go 444hrs. Unreal!

Ok. I am going to lay down what I have so far. I know you guys probably dont need to hear it but its nice to tell you incase something else comes out of it.

Known:
1. W went to Cinci river casinos Sept 18 - 20 with friend (girl)
2. Call and txting from OM started Sept. 22nd
3. Since then over 680 text messages averaging 30 a day every so often
4. Over 650 minutes of cell phone time, one being 1 hr long
5. One call to the house last month
6. OM name is Jeff, lives in either KY or Cinci OH, near the river
7. OM has a caigslist ad for his motorcycle that he wants to sell because of his kids(?).
8. W deletes her txt msg and call log from cell and email is cleaned out
9. I installed keylogger, buying recorders and placing in house and car.
10. W and I going to same Psychologists seperately at first, soon
11. We started rereading HNHN tonight, afterward she wanted to hold me and kiss, finally showed a little caring for me. Don't worry I won't let that stop me.
12. Going to try to get OM address by emailing anonymous to craigslist ad.
13. Building evidence, evidence, evidence. I want to crush this once and for all for my W sake, my sake, my marriages sake and my kid sake!!!

Did I miss anything? Is there something else I can be doing? Bring it!

Most people snoop just to find out but don't have a plan. It doesn't mean you have to expose A. You have to decide pros and cons on exposing. Would exposure put pressure on A and how much pressure ?. Also when to expose it ?.

Redhat.