Eight years ago this site helped me through my exes affair. I was devastated, but recovered although the relationship didn't survive. I've now been happily married for 7 years, our anniversary is only 2 weeks away and i've become a heinous individual who I cannot stand. I've allowed myself to kiss another man, who I allowed myself to believe I was in love with.

I'm nolonger the person I thought I was, i'm not a good person, i'm weak and selfish and will never have the purity of soul that I once had. Now i'm a tarnished worthless excuse for a human being. I've been in my husbands shoes, I know how this destroys your heart. He is the most wonderful,caring person and has done nothing to cause this.

It's 4:30 in the morning, I haven't slept, this is all my own doing !!!

I'm destroyed.

Take a step back and look at what led up to this. You obviously lacked appropriate boundaries.

Have you confessed to your husband yet? And who is the other man? Is he a co-worker? Where/how did you meet him?

Stop it. Stop. You can stop it from going any further. Commit to be the best wife you can be NOW and FOREVER. Make him your world.

No contact with OM FOR LIFE. Read the Harley books. Take a proactive stance now.

God be with you.

I don't think you are destroyed. You made a very bad choice, but it does not define you or cancel out all the other, presumably, good qualities you have.
You should tell your H so he can decide his future.
One thing that speaks to your decency is the extent of your remorse and horror at having cheated. Many WSs never get to that point.

Stop the drama ... it's self-serving and not helpful to your marriage.

Thankyou for replying.

Yes the OM is a co-worker. The OM wanted to take it further, I fought very hard to stop it. Although that doesn't seem to matter to me. It doesn't offer any redemption.

I think I know why this has happenned. I have issues from my past, especially with my father, My husband is a good man my father wasn't. The OM is alot like my father's personality, infact although he's 25 to my 39 I was very child like with him. I've been in therapy to try and resolve the hurt, rejection and abandonment from my father and thought that i'd come some way to address it. Obviously not, I think I sought the OM approval even love as a way to address this hole left from my father.

I haven't told my husband. It only happenned today and I don't want to hurt him. Yes I should have thought about it at the time, yes i've already hurt him by doing this.

?? At 4:30 in the morning ???

You've worked the MB plan from the other side, you know what you need to do.

So, what are you going to do when you're done making excuses for cheating on your husband?

whoa, whoa, whoa.....
He's 25 and your 39..... Please tell me you're not his boss. Is the OM married?

You obviously know that you owe it to your H to confess and apologize to him. And if OM is married, then his wife deserves to know as well.

And, you do know you will need to look for another job.

It was yesterday afternoon. You're right maybe it is an excuse, or maybe it's the actual cause.

What am I going to do.
I'll start looking for a new job away from

Okey-doke, fire. You all done with that?

Points to take:
1. By your own choice, you blew it as a human in the worst possible way. As a HUMAN. And as a human, you are wired to have an A. So you did.
2. You can resurrect your basically good nature by atoning for what you did. By confessing to your H.
3. You are not destoyed. But your H will be. Accept that and hope to God he decides that the good part of you is worth rebuilding your M with.
4. Yes, the clean conscience you once possessed is gone. Grieve for choosing to throw that away - for five minutes. Then use the pain of your horrible decision as a benchmark for what you can NEVER engage in again. You never want to feel that again - fidelity is the only way to avoid that feeling.
5. And that feeling is NOTHING like what your BH is going to go through. Suit up and begin the painful process that comes with healing from betrayal. If that is what your BH wants. It's totally up to him, now.

Wrong.

You have issues with loose boundaries.

Don't confuse your issues. You and the OM disrespected boundaries. This has nothing to do with your father. You need to work with your H to take EPs to never allow it to happen again.
And it's time to quit your job.

What was your previous screen name?

No, i'm not the OM's boss. We are the same level and he is single.

I know I must be honest with my husband and tell him what's happenned. But it is very hard, it's not out of being scared of the consequences, more that he doesn't deserve this. He has meet all of my Emotional Needs, he's a great husband and father.

Until you confess, you are still a wayward.

tell him that.

don't try to make excuses for it. tell him he has done nothing to deserve this. you messed up. and hopefully he will be willing to forgive you.

Please don't tell your betrayed husband this crap. You had an affair because you have no boundaries around other men, period. If you go blaming your childhood it will make the problem worse. That is just a distraction.

The first thing that has to happen is that he should be told the truth. This is information about his life to which he has a RIGHT to know.

Was this a 25 year old boy? Did I read that right? Is he married?

You're right. He didn't deserve this. No one deserves this.

He also doesn't deserve to be lied to.

And stop feeling sorry for yourself and making excuses. Your actions had nothing to do with a bad childhood or a dysfunctional relationship with your father. My father was a cheater. My mother was the OW. I tried to play that card too. It doesn't work.

Take responsibility for your actions. Tell your H the truth. Quit your job.

You're all right. I will tell my husband and I can only hope with all my heart that he forgives me.

I'm sorry for anyone I might have offended by posting here, this site helped me before and it has hopefully helped to save my marriage this time.