You haven't offended anyone. Please keep posting.
All the replies are intended to help get you out of the fog.

We'll call you out on your ... every time.

You have not offended anyone. Cut it out.

Wrong, fire. Of COURSE you're scared of the consequences! "Doesn't deserve it", my eye. Of COURSE he doesn't deserve it! You knew that before you made the decision to damage your M. If that was your over-riding concern you wouldn't be here right now. Compound that with the fact that you were once the BS. You KNOW how devastating it is. And still you chose to be unfaithful.

And you SHOULD be afraid of the consequences. Your H has just been given a life sentence - the knowledge that you valued your M - and him - so little that you callously jeopardized it with an A. He gets to live with that knowledge forever. And that's a long, long time in Betrayed Spouse Land.

Now's the time to crawl to him, with your heart in your hands, and tell him. And hope that he has any degree of forgiveness within him so that you both can heal and rebuild. He may not. That's for him to decide.

Why? Becouse of him staying wayward, or becouse you could not forgive him.

Well atleast you figured that out....




Ok, you ready to stop feeling sory for yourself and start doing somthing productive?




Good, so what is your plan?
You know you need immediate NC with OM for life!!
You know you must quit your job for NC!!
And you know you need to tell your husband!!

So, what is your plan?



On a side note, this always bothers me.
Daddy Issues seems to be the all purpose excuse for women these days.

Not just women. FOO issues are too common around here. My FWH tried to blame his Dad/childhood issues too. BUT, the good people here 2x4'd him and made him realize that you can't fix or change the past - it's DONE. Work on the present and the future. BE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE. It's a CHOICE. Wake up every day and choose who and what you want to be.

Please stop immediately before an OC is conceived. You think this is complicated now, just wait until another life gets involved.

So, you're devastated now because you kissed? How long has the EA been going on? Your post sounds like you thought you were in love with the OM but didn't think it was wrong until you kissed him. Everyone's right: NC NOW! Get a new job.

The excuse of daddy doesn't wash. Somewhere your ENs were not met, even though you insist your husband did everything right (and he probably did, you just weren't open about what you needed). You're an adult and you make decisions every day. You obviously have been making bad decisions for a while now. Make sure the ones you make today are honoring of your vows. Tell your husband and drown him in love if he decides to keep you.

What's REALLY going on:

WW: I'm so flattered by this attention from such a young man. He's spending time with ME when he could be spending it with girls his own age.

OM: A "couger", but could be an easy lay if I play my cards right. Something to keep me occupied when my GF isn't putting out.

Wake up before you make the same mistake my FWW did.

Please listen to the advice here and quietly go tell your husband. Sometimes many of the dedicated people on this board show tremendous emotion because of their own experiences. Sometimes it is hard to listen to the people on this board because of their emotions. I rarely visit this board because the emotions here can stir my own. So I am trying a simple different tack... please listen to me and just go to your husband and tell him. Yes it will hurt your husband but YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF far more if you keep this inside.
You are a human being and you recognize a mistake. Two wrongs never made a right in this world so please do not make a second wrong turn and refuse to acknowledge your error.
I will pray for you when I finish typing. I will pray for your husband. If you need to change jobs then do so. If you need to introduce your husband to this man and lay boundries, do so.
Just go do the right thing gently and then realize that if your husband loves you that he will get through it too.
I have been there and done that. Many of us have. If you keep your guilt to yourself you will destroy who you are. If you take the risk of admitting your mistake, you will have made the right decision to steer your life in the right direction.
Blessings

And please to all of us here... tread firmly but gently. Help does not always need to come in the form of a cold shower with ice cubes. When someone asks for help and is confused, words not carefully considered can be abusive. This is not a place for us to take our anger out on others.

I sometimes think this is what my WW fell into. Sources who know the POSOM say he was known to have a "wandering eye," and some of the oldtimer women in meetings would warn the newcomer women about him. Considering he's still married (w/ children) although separated (I have confirmed this), I can't see this being anything but her finding her "soulmate" and him finding an easy sex partner.

It is wrong for you to tell other people their motivations for posting. However, if people are angry about adultery, which is the abuse of a spouse, the other spouse, and several children, then that anger is justified. People should be angry when they see wrongdoing.

It is presumptuous for you to tell other people that their style is wrong and yours is better.

A cold shower with ice cubes can be a very good way of bringing someone round from a stupor.

Every word that is written here is carefully considered, including yours. None is abusive, including yours.

Nobody here has broken the terms of service, and how firmly or gently they post is up to them.

Nobody here has given anti- Harley advice.

I have found some of the most pertinent advice and food for thought posted to me here as rough and cutting at first glance. But it was precisely because it made me take long, hard looks at myself and perhaps wasn't what I wanted to hear that it struck me as such.

I have come to rely on the words of those people most, now. Even though I sometimes don't want to agree with them, they do just what I need -- they force my to "check my motives" and "be where my feet are."

The one thing I haven't found here is uncaring people. As some of you know, when my WW was packing her things to move out I was maintaining an active dialog with my "unseen support group." And that was a vital part of me maintaining my sanity at the time.

It's all about perspective, isn't it?

So what's yours, turkey?

It would be a shame to hijack this post to deal with my comment. I have been on this board for a long time. My first posts were during the "lost months" and I well appreciated the advice I was given. There are many dedicated people on this board and I have no intention of slighting them.

As for anger showing up in posts... Please. Along the way I have been told on this board that I was a cry baby by several posters when I was nearing suicidal ideation over my wife's affair. Sorry folks. Steve Harley does not advocate telling someone how they feel. It is wrong and abusive to tell someone how they feel and in fact its extremely controlling. That is abuse folks. Is infidelity abuse? Of course it is. But like I told this poster, I was told not to believe my wife's attempts to reconcile "She is probably gas lighting you" etc. Trying to beat someone up verbally will not motivate them to tell their spouse what has happened. It takes enormous guts to tell a board like this that you have been in an affair. Their is always room for tact and frightening a poster with anger will not exactly motivate them. Did you do that? I am not suggesting that you did. I will state factually that some posters showed anger and name calling and that is not helpful. Let's bring this poster forward gently.
There is no excuse for anger in a post and I will maintain that when someone name calls a poster that this is anger. There are other ways of making the point.
If reminding everyone of the need to be gentle is worth forgetting what we are posting for, I suggest we think twice. This woman needs support and help.
I pray for her now. And I am sorry for offending you. Now you know where I come from.
If my wife was certain that I would not have grown angry she would have told me. That's where I come from. I am still learning from all of you and others.

True enough. If you have a problem with someone's post, please start a new post and take it there. Too often thread's get muddled with a side conversation, arguing about what advice is good or not so good. That is fine. But when a poster criticizes another's posts without adding to the thread at all, I wonder what the point of the post is...

So fireflyaus

Do you have a plan?

What is the plan?

hurtingturkey,

If you feel a post contains a personal attack, please click the notify button and report it to the moderators. Let the mods do their jobs please. Do not disrupt threads by scolding other members.

Thank you.