My marriage is about as bad as it can be right now. i still love my wife and cannot bear to accept that we must seperate.

My wife suffers from severe depression which shows itself in severe outbursts of anger and abuse (not violent).

We have a 22 month old son, my wife is a full time student and works a thirteen hour day (including travelling). I work an 8 hour day as well as trying to keep the house clean and tidy and look after our son.

I recently served 4 months away in afghanistan with the military. This only served to add more stress and workload on the wife's plate.

In typical male fashion, I was the last to realise there was a problem. My wife had been dropping hints for months but I hadnt seen them.

The first I knew about it was when she said she wanted a divorce after having a brief affair when I was in afghanistan.
She says she loves me and I am a great person, husband and dad but that she isn't 'in love' with me anymore.

That's when I found this website and it instantly made sense, everything I read related to us and I knew then that I could change. We did the Emotional Needs questionaire and compared answers. It highlighted to me a number of areas in which i was failing and some where I was going over the top and needed to back off. Since then I have been trying my best to rectify this.

I have forgiven my wife as I understand that I am partly responsible for letting my marriage deteriorate so much. I just want to sort things out and for her to be happy with me.

For a fortnight things seemed to be going better, she seemed much happier that she had got things off her chest and that she could see I was making an effort with our marriage.

However she had a few drinks the other day and didnt come home that night. she says she was at a friends house but i suspect she was with the other man she had the previous affair with.

I completely understand her when she said that she cant bear to come home some days because of the stress of housework, a tired child and a husband.

I hate her depression so much, we have tried everything but I think we have both just accepted that it will never leave her. Medication made it worse and the doctors didnt seem that interested anyway.

Because of the fact that I am in the military and live hundreds of miles away from the family, we never manage to get any time to ourselves away from the house or our son. We get 1 hour for lunch on a thursday each week together. That is our only time together with no one else around. I hate it. Normal families have no problem asking a family member or trusted friend to babysit so they can have some quality time together but we can't do that. No wonder the military has a ridiculously high divorce rate

I just want my wife to be happy with me and I have no idea what more I can do. Any advice or pointers where I am going wrong will be much appreciated.

Brad.

Well, first you have to install a keylogger on her computer to find out when and where she is meeting her lover. Yes, she is still meeting him. Probably at work.

Then put a voice-activated recorder under her car seat with velcro, and check it for evidence of her affair.

Print out all the phone and text records to see what number she's calling 200 times a day. Hire a PI or use an online search to track down this other guy, and get his name, and name of his wife and parents and siblings.

Once you have all that, call all of her family and all of his family and her best friends...anyone whose respect she cares about. Tell them of the affair, ask them to help you save your marriage. Call HIS people and ask them to get him to keep his paws off your wife. You might even try visiting him and telling him to keep the h&ll away from your wife.

Find a new psychiatrist for your wife to go to for the depression. Finding the right anti-depressants is a lot of work; you have to keep working at it to get it right.

Finally, CHANGE your lifestyle. I don't care if you have to bring in a college student for free room and board, to watch your son and do some housework, so that you and your wife can spend time together. And do something about her work. There is NO reason I can think of that she should be going to school, working/traveling 13 hours a day, and having a baby at home. SOMETHING has to change in your lives. What will it be?

Oh, and ask the mods to move your thread to the Surviving an Affair section so you'll get more appropriate advice.

DITTO!

And just because of the condition of your M and you as a H does not give your WW a free pass to choose to have A.

Gg