If this is the way you want to counsel then lets do it! I said you were "acting stupid" because you got mad, stopped talking to me, didnt tell me why and you wanted to have a whole conversation about it over text messages. I just asked to pick up the phone and lets talk. I did not call you stupid! But again you failed to mention how you cussed me out the whole time I was reaching out to find out what was wrong. Now thats out of the way....
I did not sit here and say that I would go through our "whole story" because it is too much and every detail can get spun any direction. Also, I did not write this to get sympathy as one person put it. I wrote it because there are always 2 sides of a story and 2 sets of feelings and emotions involved. No I did not keep a calendar of events as you did, but all those things that I said are PART of the reason that I have doubts about how you feel about me. And the same way you "justified" them here and make them seem as they are some small thing to everyone who reads them, they are HUGE to me and ive explained that to you! No I didnt touch on the snooping in emails, voicemails, other peoples personal information and breaking into cell phones that you do and continue to do. Just on that alone, any guy would tell me to RUN FOR THE HILLS! Half of what your list that you supplied about the things I did are wrong or lies! And that is because your snooping didnt get you the whole story. Yea a lot of it is true but a lot of it is lies. But because you put it in print here doesnt make it true not even in your own head. For example, this recent hour long phone call (to all that is reading, this is the FIRST TIME I learned why she is mad) you are mad about was telling a person i used to date about you, our relationship, the baby, and everything else. It was explained to her that in order to stay friends that she would have to meet you and understand that she had to respect my relationship. thats what that whole conversation was about. and she gave me some business advice which is why we have been talking over the past week or so. Some people think it may be wrong to keep in touch with someone you dated. In some instances that is true. But at times if they are good people and people that you have other interests in common, then it can be ok. However, did you mention that you have some EXs that you keep in touch with? No you didnt. The snooping...HOW and WHY would you know what we were talking about? Why would you think it was all that other stuff you mentioned if you were not there? How would you know how long I was on my phone at my house and you were not there? I dont communicate to all my ex's on a regular basis at all!! And if your contact at the phone company was accurate you could see that! This is why people tell ME to leave! There is no way possible to sit here and explain everything we have been through all these years. No, I know Ive made mistakes and Ive hurt you. But you think what YOU do is ok, but if it hurts me it doesnt matter because of how badly Ive hurt you. For example you did not share that we were NOT in an exclusive relationship the first year or so we were dating in 06 or about your friend from NY that happened to spend the weekend with you and you didnt tell me about until I ran across a picture of you 2 at dinner during that same time. Or even about the flirty graphic text messages and phone calls with other guys not named me!
Baby I really am passed all that stuff. The issues with my daughter we have to work through. Im not some person living this double life that you liked to say I have. Of course when people here all of our issues they say you two should be better off with other people. But they dont know how we feel when we are together. And they dont know what we do to try and change for each other. Ive already changed, and YOU KNOW IT! Sooner or later your gonna have to let the past go so we can move on. Just like I do to...me and my BIG 'OL BUCKET (inside joke). I will not be posting any more. I love you and you know where to find me.

"Baby I really am passed all that stuff." It is PAST. You "pass" a car and you "pass gas" but previous events are in the PAST.

It's so good to find someone else who loves to correct other people's grammar. I try to restrain myself, really, I do.

theaccused: I know you said you wouldn't be posting here anymore, but if you're still reading, you may want to check out some of Dr. Harley's basic concepts. I would post a link, if I knew how, but they're all over there on the side of the page under "Most popular links." You could really use some guidance on how to build a healthy, sustainable relationship.

Accused: I didnt introduce you to this board so that we have a ping pong battle of who did more hurt to one another. It was simply for you to see how I have been trying to cope with our PRESENT situations.

Based on your "list" of items, what in present day is still an issue?
I have made it a point on more than occasion to tell you if I've done something that doesn't sit well with you to make me aware of it because the last thing I wanted to do was disregard your feelings. I have NOT sat idle, I've voiced all my concerns and watched for the actions to come.

Exclusive relationship!!! We werent? Are you kidding me? I made sure to ask you if you were directly sleeping with anyone else and your response was NO. My stupidity to thinking we were!! Then at what point did we have the exclusivity talk? Was I there? What did I say?

Please pre-tell what I've lied or isnt true about MY list.

Present Day again: You continue to contact these EX's of yours that you were seeing all the while you were with me. It's not like I'm going crazy over ex's who you dated before me. It's darm people you played me dirty with!! How many exlovers of yours do you expect me to tolerate and yet still expect this relationship to survive???

To address my ex, I keep in touch with one! Every few months a possible catch up call and knows about my relationship with you.

Business advice? Your ex must be the only one in this world with business advice.

I just cant understand how you see your explanations as justifications.

Your words dont equal your actions!

accused i am assuming that we "now" have the "full" story. thanks for sharing your side.

from what you wrote it sems i have to stand by my opinion that she move on without you.

fact. she should have known 4 years ago about your character. after all were you not standing beside her fiance when you made the decision to have a poke at his girl.

not my idea of a friend

fact. tiger woods is a jerk. he had the world at his feet. the only thing he didn't have was the right to drop his bitching wedge between anyones legs but his w's

fact. no matter what she had done in the past, or present you had a moral choice to make. and it wasn't go "tit4tat" by chasing other women.

it was man up and get help on the relationship with the woman you "fell head over heals for on 1st sight"

so i ask you ..... what have YOU done to make the woman who

""""""I really fell head over heels for this woman when I first laid eyes on her""""""

feel secure in a relationship with you?

what have YOU done to repair the damage YOU have done to this relationship?

after all this is the woman of your dreams, right?

answer ..... NOTHING but make excuses for YOUR lack of character

fact. dude you're a plaaaayer. own it

Are these posts you want other people to be reading and responding to? Isn't that the point of a PUBLIC message forum? This feels a little bit like eavesdropping on a private conversation. There are mediums for that - telephones, email, face-to-face discussions. I'm not sure this is the right place for a private conversation.

I am NOT (yet) convinced any of this is real.

It probably depends upon your definition of "real."

Your right writer. I showed him this site last night for him to see that I'm using some form to vent.

I didnt expect it to get like this.

You might want to walk him (and yourself) through the basic concepts first. There is a lot of great information on this site, and Dr. Harley has a lot of books as well.

If you take this advise, I'd like to add ... do this work AFTER you move out and live on your own.

I am 32 and he is 40.

I'm successful in my job. It industry.

My shining star is my 16 yr old son.

Well he has left me a vm that says he wont be coming back to the site or posting. He claims if I want us to go back to counseling then he would go. Yes, I am angry and not talking to him after I received my doctors tests results. For the past week, I've just sat and cried waiting for next day and not wanting to deal with anything.

We dont live together.

I agree.

Test results?

He's 40. He sounds more like 20.

Our therapist had suggested 'After the Affair" which we read seperately.
Never talked about again afterwards.:-(

Then, what does this mean?