What is the consensus? Sooner or later?

If you meet the GF/BF kids sooner, man, is THAT a good picture of what they are really like... It prevents a long time dating only to find out that this persons parenting styles are SO different that it wouldn't work. BUT - if you get close to the kids, it isn't really fair to them, and can cause some serious hurt to more than just the girlfriend.

When is it time? IS there a time? (I want someone to say, yes, it's obvious - 3 mos...)

Or can you MEET them, but not officially MEET them. Like at a school function where you could sit close and observe them, but not be introduced (because it is too soon) as the SO, or would that creep out YOUR SO?

WAY to important, the relationship they have with their kids, to me it can be a deal breaker. Opinions?

I don't think there's a specific set date. You just have to go with your gut. And you are right, you could waste a lot of time and then find out the kids are bratty and you can't deal with that....I think it was around month 2 or 3 when I met R's kids, I am so relieved that they are wonderful! I don't think meeting them unofficially at a school function will help at all.

Also, just to let you know, in the 7 years I have been divorced, I have introduced my kids to 3 men. 1 I don't think met them until over a year later...second guy met them at about a year and then I introduced R at about 3 months. Each different situations, so each different time lines. Also, I think meeting too many dates is bad, but sometimes I think meeting two of the men I dated was good because it kind of more prepared them for when R came into my life.

I will also tell you that the only reason I let R meet them so much sooner is because I knew early on, more than anyone I ever dated before, that he could potentially be the man in my life forever, and I knew that if he couldn't love my kids or if I couldn't love his kids, would be a big deal breaker and we both needed to know.

Is it safe to say that introducing gradually is a good way to go? By that I mean, if your SO is someone that you would naturally cross paths with in your regular life, does it makes sense to just let them meet that way the same as any other friend you'd typically run into?

It also seems logical to not specifically avoid social situations (parties, etc) where they would see each other. I do think there should be an effort to avoid building a relationship with your SO's kids until it's time, but I think a little contact can be good.

In some respect, I am less concerned about this, as I've been there before. My ex brought a child into our marriage, and I know I tried too hard to be Dad, instead of just loving the child. It's so easy to try and be everything you think a parent should be for the kid, but it's just better to be what's needed.

Thanks for the help on this one. I think the take-away is proceed carefully and cautiously.

What you want to do is think about the kids...it is not fair to them to be introduced to tons of people that the parent is dating. They should only be introduced to people that the parent has spent a decent amount of time with so the relationship has some hope of lasting. I would think that amount of time would be 3-6 months.