Harmless indeed.

That's nice of you to send them gifts...:)

The more she objects to your exposing, the more sure you can be that it is affecting her.

I know that. Thanks to MB and you people.

$100 Visa gift cards, each. Much more than mom is doing for them.

That shows that you are thinking of them more than their mother did. Likely as not, they said to WW (or her ex said to WW) "Wow, Fred gave us gift cards!"

They surely will thank you for it.

Well played Fred!

Thanks, mfoss. Although I've been off the board today (more on that below), I have been following your story, and I am impressed at the progress you've made in a short period of time. I have a lot of hope for you and your M.

I have been keeping terrifically busy. Last night it was dinner and a band concert with neighbors. Today it was several hours and lunch with my daughter, did some Christmas shopping and a Christmas party with friends (these are "our" friends who I knew before there was an "us"). Tomorrow morning I'm running a 10K in promised ugly weather (doesn't dampen my spirits, though) and will be watching the Redskins struggle to find another creative way to blow a lead at the last moment. And in between all this, I'm spending time with friends here and there. Only when someone asks me how I'm handling things am I tempted to even think about the sitch, and then I talk about it only as much as they want to hear.

I know this is the MB site, so I hope I'm not breaking any boundaries here, but I bought a small paperback book today, "How to Fall Out of Love," by Dr. Debra Phillips. The blurb on the back cover states, "This is a healing book - one that can help people overcome the pain of loving someone who does not or cannot love them back. If you - or some you care about - are struggling to recover from the loss of a lover, or to end a dead-end affair, this book will come as a godsend."

I bought it after leafing through it and reading that it is based on behavior therapy. It outlines ways to replace thinking of your lost lover with other positive non-related thoughts. I haven't read enough to be able to recommend this book, but I'm looking for ways to sleep better at night, and this might give me some help in that regard. As a runner, I half enjoy the weight loss I've been seeing (despite eating well), but even that has to stop at some point.

Being active and being around people who are supportive, caring and positive does a lot to buoy one's spirits. The outings have given me an opportunity to wear a new sport coat, nice slacks, and an assortment of shirts and sweaters. This too, is therapeutic, giving further credence to the idea that you feel better about yourself when you take a few extra steps to look better. Mood DOES follow action!

I have resigned and resolved myself: The law requires me to wait a minimum of six months before I can do anything to change the status of my marriage. So that's my time frame. Either things will change, and change remarkably, or when late April rolls around, I will know if it's time to pull the plug. My attorney told me early on the she had to go before the court and avow that there was "no hope of reconciliation" when filing for D. If that's the status then, I won't have difficulty signing the papers.

I just finished a book on cognitive behavioral therapy. It went into great detail of the benefits but fell far short on explaining the process of achieving it. I spent some time on Amazon looking for a workbook that has plenty of exercises. My wife even laughed about there being a Cognitve Behavioral Therapy for Dummies. I have a pretty large collection of Dummies books. I predict the answers to anxiety and obsessing and others can be found using this technique.

Good luck on your 10K tomorrow. And with the Redskins. I 'feel your pain' there too, as I am a Bears fan.

Fred, it sounds to me like you are doing a lot of the right things, and clearer skies / better times are ahead for you, regardless of what happens between you and WW.

The Redskins on the other hand... not so much. I can relate though, being a 49ers fan. The lean years make you appreciate the good ones.

Have a great run!

OK, another night of limited sleep, which at least enabled me to get up BEFORE the crack of dawn and get to the race site in plenty of time. Well, I thought so, but it turns out the start/finish line was not where I thought it was and I had to run an extra mile just to get there in time for the start.

But I finished well enough (in the top 48%), so I'm pleased with the run, even though it was cold and rainy (and I hate running in the rain).

After returning home and cleaning up, on the advice given me here, I called WW's XH, to ask his permission to contact my stepchildren.

Wow. He was livid. Stepson had received the card, and even though I though my note was relatively benign, he said it was completely inappropriate and did not want me to contact the kids and drag them into this. He has his own problems with WW, and he's also upset with her A with OM, but he's not going to do anything to help ME out, he just wants to protect the kids.

I told him that I wanted to save my M and was doing what I could. I told him I would respect his wishes and not contact the kids. I asked that he allow them to keep the gift cards, however, as I wanted them to have them. He told me he would think about it -- he was originally planning to send them back.

If nothing else, the A has been exposed to them. That's nothing that can be taken back. I'm sorry that their dad was so furious, but I guess I had to expect that. As I mentioned before, he still will not let WW into his house, and became livid (I worry about his temper) the one time she did.

So, I do not have an ally, but at least the exposure has been achieved. As I've said before, I don't give great chances for recovering my M, but I have six months to try.

As with many exposures Fred, I think you never know what you are going to get. You have to be prepared for everything. I often use a tool of imagining it not going well, and then making sure I am prepared to accept that dynamic. If things do not go well, I am prepared.

Also, I find exposure targets go through their own range of reactions over time, so do not count on anything, ever. Life is full of surprises.

Just do the right thing in your heart, and don't be afraid to make mistakes. We all make mistakes, and learn from them.

Enjoy the game...

Is this the same mfoss who came here not long ago, questioning everything, debating the wisdom of the "elders" here, and struggling to find a way through his surreal nightmare???

Thank you mfoss, my God, do you know how much you've changed in just a short time?

I'd say I'm proud of you, but that would imply that I had something to do with it. I surely did not. But you are my hero, and I'm willing to give you whatever support you need to save your marriage!

I have been a quick study this time. You and mlane (and all the others) have certainly inspired and guided me, and I will be eternally grateful to this community. When my life stabilizes further, I plan to repay my debt to you all many times over.

While cleaning up and moving more of her stuff to an empty bedroom, I found the iPod I'd given WW not too long ago. No special reason or occasion, I'd found it at a good price online.

She never mentioned losing it, and I thought she'd taken it with her. I don't need an iPod (I have my own), but I wonder if I should just place it with the rest of her stuff, or erase it and put my own songs on it?

She won't be getting it until (a) she pulls a moving truck up to the house to get her things, or (b) she ends the A, agrees to MB counseling, and returns home.

If she mentions it, give it to her. If not, well, you just got a free Christmas present...

That's just it: I'm in Plan B. I have an IM, but to date, nothing at all has come through. I don't even know if WW has even acknowledged IM's existence.

I'll take the ipod off your hands, Fred. No need to thank me. It's just the kind of selfless guy I am.

You wouldn't like it, Zelmo. It's pink.

Matches my undies. Marv Albert and I shop at the same Frederick's.