Hang on smb, there's good news later in this post...
My apology was a more sincere and thorough one by a country mile than anything I've gotten from MrsOttert after two years. The reluctant and inadequate apology I have receieved has been followed by a long list of ifs, buts and justifications. You say mine was not an apology, yet I believe you and some here have told me my wife doesn't owe me any more of an apology and for me to move on (which I am doing, by the way).
That's called a double standard, smb.
I only bring it up for comparison since you made such a point of putting down my apology. Anyway, I don't ask for or expect apologies from her any more, at least about the stuff that brought us here. Haven't in a long time.
Now for the good news...
We continue to do pretty well. We've had a terrific two weeks with nary an argument or discussion about the past. We had one silly misunderstanding this morning where we both got short with each other. I kissed her and APOLOGIZED immediately (with no justifications) and she responded with her own. Our house is more peaceful and relaxed. The kids seem to be happier and I think they have noticed that mom and dad are getting along better.
We usually schedule between 15-20 hours of UA per week. Dr. Harley says struggling couples need 25 or more, but we haven't been able to do that yet. Unfortunately, we have only actually hit 13 hours max in any one week since the MB weekend. With four active kids, something always seems to come up to knock us out of one or more of our planned UA times, but we're getting there.
Last night, we went to a funny play put on by a local theatre group, something we've never done before. It was in a cool little playhouse that seats 90 people in the upstairs of a renovated old mill building and above an antique store. I was looking for a date night that was fun and out of the ordinary.
Something happened on the way there that blew me away, which you may think is silly of me. It just goes to show how deeply withdrawn we were and how far we've come. As I was driving, MrsOttert reached over to hold my hand as I drove and she noticed my hands were dry and chapped. She said they were too rough and got lotion out of her purse and started rubbing and massaging lotion on my hand, first the left then the right (I kept one hand on the wheel at all times). She took her time and made sure every finger and square inch was covered. It was a really awesome feeling to have her do something that intimate and loving. That wouldn't have happened a few months ago. Holding hands? Forget it.
We went out to lunch today to Panera Bread, just the two of us on another planned date. We got stuck in traffic, took a wrong turn to try to get out of it, had trouble finding a close parking spot and had to walk in the cold a couple of blocks. We laughed about it.
Another small but very gratifying thing she has been doing is to scooch over to my side of the bed and snuggle with me before we go to sleep and when we wake up in the morning. I can't remember that happening in more than a year. She usually had her back to me and I was the only one that tried to get close. It feels great for her to do it. Would she be doing that if I was the clueless, LBing dolt many of you imagine? I don't think so. Remember, she went to see a divorce lawyer in September (after me seeing mine in July) and is now rubbing lotion on my hands and cuddling.
I try to do my part and do things for her as well, hoping to meet her ENs. I start her car to warm it in the morning and make her coffee to go as she leaves for work. I continue to do my usual help with house cleaning, laundry, after dinner kitchen clean-up, ferrying kids here and there, etc., all of which I've done for years anyway. Family commitment is high on her EN list, so I have made a point to try to connect with the kids and spend time with them. We've done lots of family things together, like going to the roller skating rink during Thanksgiving break. MrsOttert didn't skate, but I did and spent most of the time holding D8's hand and trying not to fall on my butt. We also spent an afternoon hiking in the national forest near where we live. Tonight we're all going to a Christmas production together...I think. Either that or going to see Christmas lights.
Oh, and I havent been bringin up the past or any of our "issues".
It's still very early and there's stuff that looms in the background that we'll need to deal with. But we're working the program.
That's a long one and detailed, but I haven't updated in a while. I'll probably do any further updates over in MB 101.
