Art,

I don't know if you really just beleive you "can't believe you did it again" or if your completely full of it.

Some have their doubts about your entire existence. The "sniff-test" for you isn't working right now.

That said, I will give you 15 minutes of my time, and then you can see what happens next. If your real, some good can happen to you, if not, then this thread will fall away. like so many others.

Yes, you can sign up for the continuing lessons if you went to a MB weekend, even 6 years ago.

But that isn't really the problem is it?

You had your first affair. And your timeline indicates that you went to the MB Weekend BEFORE dday. So, you are either making this up as you go along, or your completly blown up, and just can't pull anything together.
Let me set the time line correct so that there isn't anymore confusion. I was incorrect in my original post. The 1st A was 61/2 years ago. My W and I attended MB 6 years ago. I am sorry for the incorrect info.

So here goes. Plan A your WIFE. Folks here who say that its for the Betrayed Spouse only are missing the point. You CAN, as the wayward one, hope to redeem yourself only through YOUR ACTIONS. And Plan A, is ONE WAY you can show, with concrete actions, that you are doing something different.
Thank you for making that clear. That is how I understood it.

If your went to the MB weekend, you learned about emotional needs. And you learned that meeting your spouses top emotional needs would help you to have a happy marraige. So, what are her top three, and top five emotional needs?
1. Honesty an Openness, 2. Affection, 3. Domestic Support, 4. Physical Attractiveness, 5. Conversation. I will be honest in saying that I am not 100% sure on these.

I was allowed to be at the house this evening while my W was at a function for work and I looked for our MB information. I was unable to find it. I feel that her EN's have changed since then.

If her top 3, for example, are honesty and openness (H&O), conversation (C), and financial support (FS) then address them, in spades, going forward.

Honesty and openness: Write her a letter and tell her about your actions in the affair. Detail what, when, where, and leave nothing out. Send her a copy of your No Contact letter, so that she can mail it. Practice O&H in EVERY interaction with her going forward. She asks you a question, tell her the truth. Clarify your answer. Provide info that shows you trying to be complete in your response. Wheter the question is in regards to the affair, to "What are you doing about moving out?" I wrote her a letter tonight, before I read your post. I was 100% honest in all that i said to her in that letter but it did not contain any information about the affair. I will need to do that. I have answered every question she askes honestly and everything has come out about the A. I think writting the letter would show that I am being open and honest.

Conversation: Right now, this will be tough. She probably doesn't want to talk to you. She has asked you to leave. You have been advised to just move out. You can do this. Or you can move down the hall or the basement. It IS your house too. Respect HER space. Move your stuff. Make plans to go to your new apartment. Keep plan A'ing her with your actions. Get the legal seperation agreement ready. Be prepared for being out of the house for awhile. If your marriage means anything to you, then doing these things will help your BW feel better, and maybe help you recover your marriage. If not, it really doesn't matter, because your leaving anyway. At this point I am only at the house when requested to be with the children as she needs me to. I am staying in a hotel at the moment. The letter that I wrote to her tonight addresses this. I told her that i would be moving our travel trailer to an RV park and will be staying there. I felt that this was the best descision financially for me to be able to help her financially. Whats your opinion?

Financial Security: Pay all the Bills. Don't, in anyway shape or form, start to slight the family's needs at this time. Things going to get tight? Certainly. You have to pay for a new apartment. Borrow the money from your parents, or a other family member. Tell them why you need it. You need the money to make sure that your family has what it needs while you fix your screw up. Use the money to pay for counceling, maybe another trip to another MB weekend, some other support for your wife.

Her needs may be something else. But address her top 3 most important EN's. Work them HARD. Respect her for the hurt that you have caused her. Be the man you are capable of being.

I advised you to think about the top 5 EN's. You may not be able to address the first three, because, for example, one may be Affection. And she may not want you to touch her. So, you go to number 4 & 5 to try to help you get to the other ones. These next two could be Family Committment, and Domestic Support. So, take the kids to thier band practices, and sports outings, and pay attention to thier grades, things that you always left to your BS, while you were doing something else, like playing golf, or hanging with the guys. Stop all that and focus on your family and give THEM all your time. Cancel your facebook account. And your myspace, and all those other stupid timewasters. Then, if DS is one of her EN, clean up the house. Straighten out the garage. Rake up all the leaves. Fix the trim on the siding. Paint the side door, that has needed it for two years. It is interesting that you mention this. Just this evening I cleaned up the dishes did the kids laundry(not all of it but most), picked up the livingroom, took out the trash (it's trash night). I get your point.

And keep doing it. Plan A her. You can do it. Change your actions, and you have a shot. You did the right things for two years. Then you got complacent. She may have too. But your the offending one. Your the one who should have made sure that the marraige stayed on the path. Just to clarify, is has been 6 years since the 1st A.

Your second affair started becasue you thought you were "safe". Look how good my marriage is NOW! And then, a seemingly innocent little connection gets out of cantrol. You saw it coming. You saw it coming while you sere sitting at that little restaurant table. You felt the tingle. And instead of realizing that your about to head down the wrong road again, you stayed on it. No matter WHAT, THAT is what you have to fix. Your BS may be an angel and perfect is every way, but this is YOU. YOU will continue to make the same stupid choices if you do NOT get a handle on this part of you. The one that allows you to do what you want as long as your not getting caught. Sure the lunch was innocent. But everything after that was clear to you, and you allowed yourself to go there. And you will ALWAYS allow yourself to go there.

That is something that I learned. By being around here, and by looking at myself critically. I allowed myself to have the affair, because, if it wasn't this woman, it was going to be another one. And another one. Your still primed for it. I learned that in myself, that many woman I can be socialable with. Be in thier company, and never ever have a problem. But there were others. For whatever reason, I wanted more, or I sensed that they wanted more, and I learned that I then had to avoid these women in the future. To protect my wife, my son, and my marriage. Heck, to protect my life.

You do that, you may really have a shot at saving your marriage. This is something that your BS KNOWS about you. That you are on the prowl. (Yes, there are a number of other things for your to fix as well.) When you fix this, she will know. The centeer of your world will shift. And she will know.

Until then, its just a holding action on your reteat from this marriage. And your next relationship will be crap too. And you will wonder what is wrong with these women. But it isn't the women.

Art, it time to changes the colors of pallette. Are you up to it? Words are crap right now. Only actions.

LG

I wanted to that all of you again for your advice. I made contact with a follow up councelor today. I now have access to the private forum. I will be posting my story there.

Thanks again.

For all the doubters out there. I am going to prove you wrong. For those that pray, please pray for me. Thanks.

Good luck, Art!