The truth is much more than DNA. (you already know that)

The BEST part of "the truth" is that DD has two loving parents and a stable intact home.

I suggest, when the time comes for this discussion (it will come more than once) you and H put emphasis on what DD does have, and very little emphasis on what she did not get due to the unfortunate circumstances of her conception.

She has a "DAD".
She also has DNA. Make sure the emphasis is on her DAD. The man doing the job.
DAD is an action verb. (For the picky "writer" in you)

ahh the ortega. what a nice drive especially when you look out from the top at lake e. unless you have to do it daily with all the race rockets that travel the road. i lived in sjc 3 doors off the hwy and drove it daily at times for work.

the long distance is an added obsticle. had our om went home to his native land or moved far away i am sure we would be nc also.

because of so many other related issues like my family health history, my age in life, our financial situation (no not to get om's money, but to provide some form of security for oc should i be stricken with health issues), the size of our family which fh would have to support if health issues arose, and i had already paid my cs for 18 yrs and felt that it was his responsibility regardless of whether he sought visitation all led to me asking for cs.

so om walked away and your dd should know that. he could have faught for his paternal rights but chose not to.

i agree that your dd's maturity should play a big part of her learning her biology.

that said i believe it will be less of an issue then you may be worrying about.

1 - as she grows the kids at school will know she has a daddy in your h. with her daddy attending back to school night, soccer, softball, dance class, school plays, etc no one will ever question that.

2 - as far as hearing it from family. unless it is a main topic of conversation continually i think as your family grows they will see her as just one of the family.

that's exactly how our family and friends see our little one.

3 - this one i never saw coming. even tho our dd is 1/2 different nationality "No One" ever questions her biology. people actually tell us that she looks like me or fh.

i don't know about looks but she is definately showing my sense of humor. don't know if that's good or bad yet

Pepper: I completely agree, and that's what we intend to do. Hopefully, she'll already realize that because she will have spent her entire life in a family who loves her very much, and she will feel that.

Pops: It's funny, but we get a lot of comments about how our little girl looks just like my H too. I think it's because she has blue eyes and so does H. My eyes are brown (so are OM's). Go figure. She definitely has my crazy, wavy hair, poor thing.

Her DNA isn't a main topic of conversation, but these things do come up occasionally. At my MIL's 50th birthday party, we had a huge gathering with lots of family that hadn't seen each other in a long time. Some people got to talking, and brought up my H's bio dad. H's mom and bio dad divorced when he was very young and his mother remarried and his step-dad adopted him. They had another child, my H's half-sister, but they never told her that MIL was married before and that my H had a different bio dad than her. My MIL got very nervous when the subject came up at the party, because my SIL was there and she didn't want her to overhear everything and find out about her first M. My SIL is 32 now, and she still doesn't know and MIL doesn't ever want her to. But there have been these times where she almost found out and they had to lie and cover things up. I don't want to find myself in that situation, ever.

Nice Writer,


Definitely protect your feelings at the expense of your BH. You definitely need to POJA this with the man raising your OC.

6yearsleft: What? What am I doing that's protecting my feelings at the expense of my BH?

These are things we've been discussing and working through together.

I really have no idea what you are referring to.

HI Writer,


Sure reads like you are going to risk contact with OM in order to make sure YOU never feel bad. Sorry if that isn't what you meant, and if it was POJA then it is all great that is what POJA is for.

Oh. No, what I was referring to is the fact that I don't want to spend my life worrying that my daughter will find out the truth about her bio dad, the way my MIL has worried all these years that her daughter will find out that she was married before and had a child (my H) with her first H. My SIL has no idea that her brother is really her half-brother. There are a lot of secrets in their family, and secrets have a way of biting you in the asteroid.

That's why my H and I agree that it is the right thing to do to tell our daughter the truth about her bio dad when she's old enough to understand all of this. I don't want to lie to her and neither does my H. I don't want to constantly worry that she'll find out the truth.

As far as contacting OM, I don't intend to do that. If my daughter wants to search for him when she's older and meet him, then that's up to her.