Ok. I was thinking about sending a letter through the post office. Can that be used against me legally in any way if divorce comes into play?

Only if you are not factual.

OK. I didn't give a whole lot of detail but I did want to include the email from OM sis-in-law to my WW. I have told everyone that I called what was in the email. I got it from her aol account which she doesn't password protect. I thught that was an easy proof to put out there.
I am having my sister mail it out. She is in key west, so the stamp will read miami.

Another question. She claims no sex happened, but I have proof. I keep telling to come and be radically open and honest no matter what and she still lies. I know she probably knows about GA at-fault law in divorces where if she had an affair I get custody.

Do I tell her or show her I have proof so that she can finally be honest with me?

I need an answer soon here guys! I need to head home and faces the firing squad. I would like to know if I have a shield or not.
THX

Here is my answer, AOA. I'm sure someone else will have clearer and better, though.

It depends on your evidence and how you collected it. IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM DO YOU REVEAL HOW YOU OBTAINED IT. If the evidence is self-revealing (email, for example), you need to think long and hard about it.

Why? Because the evidence alone isn't going to be enough to stop anything, and could just serve to drive things deeper underground.

Do you play chess? Strategy is all about thinking multiple moves ahead. The end game is the goal, not the move. If you have sufficient evidence to call "check mate," than go for it. On the other hand, if you think you could be out-maneuvered,then maybe keeping your hand hidden now is the better plan.

Thx Fred! Its pretty concrete evidence. I posted some of a couple of pages back. It was from their chatroom. Obtained by kelogger. I guess I should keep it in my back pocket for now and not reveal how I got it. The battle just begun and I don't want to send all my guys in for the slaughter. Let things calm down and let the feelings fall a little.
Thanks everyone. I feel like a lot of weights have been removed and knowing that a lot of people know makes it easrier to bear.

No.

You tell her "I know this to be a fact. You've had sex with OM."

And you repeat that reply (in some form) to any (female) inducements where she tries to see how much you know and how you know it.

Round one:


"I know this to be a fact. You've had sex with OM."

Round two:

"I know you've had sex with OM."

Round three:

"I know the facts."

Round four:

"I know."

Round five:

"I know."

Ummmmmm

She CAN be honest with you whenever she chooses to.

If you reveal your source and your facts, she will argue like a thousand-dollar-an-hour defense attorney that your facts are not facts.

Get HER to reveal stuff. You are a vault about your sources.

Those of us who have gone through this in the past ... we know that the wayward will continue to lie. Even after admitting they had sex with OP.

"It was just that one time."
"It was just a quickie."
"I really did not want to do it. It just happened."
"It never happened in our home (bed, car, etc)."

YOUR dysfunction is this:

You are assuming that if WW will be honest with you that they've had sex, the floodgates of radical honesty will open and recovery is underway.

This is just not going to be the case. Disabuse yourself from this faulty thinking. You will only be further disappointed when you discover more lies after she finally admits to the sex.

Not said to hurt you in any way ... but to prepare you.

That tells you that OMW is the ONE person she doesn't want to know the most, more than even her family. So by all means, DO IT!

I know, right. She doesn't want to ruin his marriage because then he will be pissed off at my WW. Too bad, so sad. She will know soon.
Ok. so WW, obviously, and her mom mad at me for not waiting until after xmas to expose. Also they are both mad that I told the family and friends. WW keeps pounding about how that was the wrong way to go about doing it. From her vantage point I can see that, but WW mom is protecting and saying the same thing. I pretty much say boohoo. I tell them I have done a bunch of research and this is how you handle this kind of affair.

Problem is her brother didn't take my advice and love and support and let her know you there for her while we save our marriage. Instead. WW says he hates her now. I would hate my sister to at first.

Its all hard to hear but I am hanging in there, but only because of you guys. My friend went through the same thing years ago but didn't know about it in time. Got a divorce and she got prego. He said I am miles ahead of the game with my WW. I owe that all to you guys!

What should I do and expect in the next coming days?
I plan to take off work for as long as I need to.

One of her friends came to take WW to dinner to talk to her. She is on my side! Before she showed up, WW and I were tlking about why she had the A and some other stuff. Pretty calm after the initial discussion. By the time she leaving she came over and gave me a hug and cried. I cried and told her she means everything to me and I cant trust her if she isn't going to be complete honest and she nodded.
After all that has happened today, that felt nice. A small piece of my former wife. Don't worry, I'm not wimping out!

I just posted this for someone else. Maybe it will help you too.

Reverse Fog Babble

Gg

GG - that is really good stuff. I have heard half of those excusses already. Harley is my hero!

AOA - seems like you're making progress - keep doing plan A!!!!!

When do we talk about NC agreement?
I thought I would have her call him and I will be on the other line with her knowing that I am listening to make sure she ends it with him.
Or am I jumping ahead? I tried to find the link to Plan A stuff but I don't have a whole lot of time to search.
Can someone post a link to it please?

NC is to be done by a letter that she writes, and YOU read and send. There should not even be a single phone call between them ever again.

ok

This is very confusing! One minute she is furious with then the next she cuddling with me when we went to bed.

What is the next step?