LOL. You can have all the profits, Cat, and do something for yourself. I am learning to do that again and it feels great. Looking at jeans at Buckle.com. They are not cheap but they are comfortable and look great. I will probably wait until I lose the 20# that I gained on lexapro. I will have to steal my jeans back from my DD 19. I have noticed my good jeans on her butt lately and unfortunately they look better on her than me. She is 4 inches taller than me and doesn't have to wear heels with them but then she steals my heels too.
Had a chance to work overtime today but I would rather spend time with my DDs. They wouldn't have minded because I would have more money for myself but I didn't care.
Getting everything together for Christmas so the house will look great for my parents getting here next week. Told my Mom that my bedroom is ripped apart because I am trying to finish getting it painted and rearrange the furniture at the same time. Have over half of it done and will have it finished tonight and all I have left is to shampoo the carpet. Mom was messing with me saying that everything had to be neat and clean and perfect. I told her she better stay at home then. It feels great to be laughing and joking again. It beats the alternative.

Yeah, When ya lose the 20# and get back in your old jeans, take a picture of yur butt and if WH contacts you have it say "bite this" .. sorry it was too funny. I suppose that we must play nice.

You're doing well, I think. Just let it go. Count this dude out of your life! You sound like a fun person. Do not let this take you down! DUDE

Speaking of sounding like a fun person, I just have to share this with someone; it was on NPR yesterday. One of those laugh til I cry/bawl my eyes out stories (but mostly laugh):
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121335690

A woman who has had multiple cancers, but chooses to laugh. Listen to the story, if you can - so much more poignant.

Loved that article,Cat. That woman is so brave and great. She has been through more than I will and keeps on going and laughing. If she can do it we all can. She is an inspiration to all of us, it makes me feel that losing my husband wasn't so bad after all considering what she has been through.
Actually telling my WH to bite me was my favorite thing to say to him because he didn't like it. Think I will lose 30# and tell him don't you wish you could bite this now!

I just wanted to share this:
We will still have our ups and downs. Day when we feel better and days when we do not. The only way to overcome pain is to go thru it and not around it. We must feel it and then move on.
I have to say that Eckhart Tolle's books are what got me thru the most difficult year in my life so far...
When H turned into an alien and did not even want to spend a minute with me...when he was cold and distant...when I sat next to him and he will stand up and leave....when he already was seeing OW and I did not know and warned him about her and he told me I drove him crazy with my jelousy...! Those books really made me stay focused on the moment. On that open space we have inside of us that does not change in spite of everything changing. That pocket of stillness that brings you some peace.
Affairs are not a recipe for happiness for the WS. THey represent an addiction to another person. According to Tolle (I am quoting from the Power of Now)
"Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever substance you are addicted to (including OP) you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain. That is why, after the initial euphoria has passed,there is so much unhapiness, so much pain in intimate relationships"
"Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for you anymore and then you feel the pain more intensily that ever"
An A is like a drug: "you are on a high when the drug is available but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for you.When those painful feeling reappear, you feel them even more strongly than before and what is more you now percive your partner (in our case BS before the A and OP when the fog starts lifting at the end of the A) as the cause of those feelings"
We all know that what is real is the our H are not M material. They are fogged up and we would have to walk on egg shells if we were to be with them now. For fear of losing them again...when they are not doing anything to make themselves better people. They brought us so much pain and that they will have to feel it themselves at some point.
blessing

It is funny how many people have told that they have been in my shoes and everyone of them has either reconciled or told their WH so sorry, too bad. One person told me her XH married the OW and came back 3 months later and told her he made a big mistake and wish he had never done it. She told him you wanted this so fast and you got it. She never took him back.

People have told me the same thing, Traci. The older woman down the street said it happened to her -- at 25 years of marriage. And she said it took her about 5 years before she felt ready to move on -- which she did -- with H#2.

She said he's been a blessing... much better than H#1.

Perhaps we got the best out of our H's while we had them. OW can have them at their worse. And "their worse" is not what we want or need. Just like Atena says, if we had them around today, we'd be walking on eggshells. Believe me, that was last Christmas for me. One year past d-day and him going back and forth for all of 2008. He finally made a decision he could keep -- to walk out two days after Christmas -- and move in permanently with OW and her kids. And he's still there today and the D is in process.

Is WH happy? I don't think so since the addiction is ruling his life. The appearance of being happy is much differnce than actually being happy. Again, Athena's insight is right. When reality hits, the unhappiness will be there -- day in and day out.

Just keep your character and values and morals true, Traci, for you and your kids.

I have decided to sell off aall of my husband's stuff and that includes his rifles and his hand gun. I told him to come get them and he has refused to and DD 21 needs money for college and she comes first. I have already had one person want the handgun and one wanting the most expensive rifle so that will take care of her tuition. I am going to open up my garage and sell all of his tools. I had sent an email and text him too about this and saved them and he refused to come get them. I told him I would sell hs stuff and he just thinks I won't and I would like to park my car in the garage.

Maybe we should have a thread for selling off all the waywards crap on here. Sort of like an EBAY for the Betrayed. I'd be interested in the rifles? DUDE

A friend of mine came around where I work at and found out that WH had text me and what he text me about on Sunday and Monday. He text me about my internet service and did I want him to come over and look at it and about getting him off of the mortgage. She has been in my shoes and is back with her H on her terms. She thinks my WH is sending out feelers and that things are not all that grand in fantasy land. I think that it is just a coincidence.

We had a neighborhood garage sale a few years ago, and the family on the corner was having one, so my H and I went over to see what they had (I had seen some patio chairs from across the street). They had 5 kids; they were getting a divorce; I think he had an affair, but no one would confirm it, lol. She was selling stuff like crazy! I missed out on a patio set worth $1000 that she sold for $100. Crazy sales. Anyway, while we were there, her husband showed up. He started screaming at her 'what are you doing? that's MY stuff!'

She just smiled at him and said 'I told you to get your stuff out, and you refused. So it's my stuff now. And I want it out.'

Craziest thing.

That is how I feel, he refused to get his stuff and now it is mine to do what I want to as I please.
Back about people thinking my WH is sending out feelers and me thinking it is a coincidence, I hope is sending out feelers. I am quite glad he cannot not afford to pay for a divorce because that gives more time for him to realize he made a mistake. I did ask God for chaos, financial distress and anything to prevent him from continuing in his affair and to do whatever to prevent my divorce. I do not and never wanted a divorce. I have always wanted to reconcile but I am smart enough not to look to deeply into him texting me.

Hi Tracy

I would be careful about selling his guns, but not because they are "his". You need to check and make sure it's okay in your state to do a private sale of fire arms.

Second, about this:
if you live in a community property state, he can't get off the mortgage without a "Quit Claim Deed" and that requires a D decree that is in the process. In a community property state, he is "on" the mortgage as your spouse, even if his name isn't on it.

Too bad for him....

Hang in there-

Just a suggestion -- You said you told him to pick up his stuff or you'd get rid of it, right?

You might need something a little more "official" so... down the line... you don't have to owe him money.

Perhaps send an email that you want his stuff out of the garage by a specific date at this time. He is to make arrangements via IM for you to open the garage. If you do not hear from him by a specific date, he will forfeit the items to you and you will dispose of them at your discretion (either by selling or donating them).

If you really want him back, best not to piss him off. Just let him know that he needs to get all his stuff because he really can't have one foot in and one foot out.

My WH has been gone a year and I still have his stuff here -- well, some of his stuff here. He told his attorney that he only wants a few things -- including the gun safe. Yes, I can tell him that he needs to remove it by a specific date; however, since he's getting further and further in debt, I think its best to hold onto items of value since I may be keeping/selling them in the end.

If your H is short on cash, don't let him have the valuable stuff -- even if it's his. Keep it since you never know when you might need to negotatiate something.

I need the money for DD's tuition so I have no choice but to sell stuff and I had already told him to get his stuff out by a certain time and he didn't. I still have his 2 dogs here and he won't get them because he would have to pay a deposit or she would and they can't afford that. I can sell the guns to anyone who has a concealed weapons license and most everyone I know has one. I am only going to sell about 2 or 3 of his guns. I will sell all the stuff in the garage though. He has abandoned me and his stuff and his dogs. I could charge him $10/day per dog and right now that is around $3000. I also figured that I would have to get a Quit claim deed signed by him and then we would have to be divorced and I told him that but he wouldn't listen. Heck, he hasn't even started on the divorce paperwork. It took me less than 30 min to fill it out and that was everything. It is suppose to be a simplified dissolution of marriage and that is not hard to do. I am just glad he hasn't done anything. He might be waiting til the beginning of the year to file his taxes and hope he gets money back but he is in for abig surprise. He cashed in the rest of his retirement which wasn't much so he will have to pay extra taxes now. I on the other hand will be able to claim both girls and the house on the taxes. I will have mine filled out before the end of January. I will filing married and separate and itemizing so I will get back a chunk of money and he will have to pay. I am actually looking forward to that.

Now that's my kind of state! The only thing better is "open carry" states like Virginia.

We have one of those "adopt-a-highway" programs here, and one stretch of road has been adopted by the open carry organization. It's quite something to watch a group of civilians, packing heat, cleaning up the roadway...

Open carry??

I live in VA. What is this 'open carry'?

Virginia is a "gold star" open carry state. In brief, what that means is that any citizen can carry a firearm in plain view without the need of a permit. Concealed handguns still require a permit.

See http://opencarry.org

Their motto is "a right unexercised, is a right lost."

Lol